


La Douleur Exquise

by a_colourful_stranger



Series: Kairos [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin and Arthur are angsty, Merlin and Morgana are allies, Minor Character Death, Multi, Takes Place After Uther's Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 83,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6393607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_colourful_stranger/pseuds/a_colourful_stranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been three years since Merlin last stepped foot into Camelot. He’s older now. Wiser. Stronger. Strong enough to sense that a dark omen has fallen over the kingdom that once banished him. He returns, knowing full well the dangers that await him there. He longed to see Gaius, to see Gwen, to see Gwaine and the knights… And, well, Arthur. But he knows Arthur will never speak to him. After revealing his magic in an attempt to save Uther—which only resulted in the king dying and Merlin’s banishment—and Merlin’s unfortunate found ally in Morgana. Arthur will want nothing to do with him. And that, hurts more than anything in the world. (Will be completed Summer 2018)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Three Years Ago

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm Ally, and this is La Douleur Exquise. It is the first part of a four part series I am writing named "Other Wordly". It revolves around Merlin, who has been banished from Camelot by Arthur for killing Uther and for revealing his magic. Three years later, Merlin has returned after sensing a dark omen fall over the kingdom. Each part of the series will most likely have 10 chapters to it, varying in length. If you have any questions about my work, please go to my tumblr: a-colourful-stranger and I will get back to you there! Thanks so much, hope you enjoy it!

_‘La Douleur Exquise (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.’_

* * *

It had been three years.

Three years since the day Merlin revealed his sorcery to Arthur.

Three years since the day Merlin’s magic murdered Uther, King of Camelot.

Three years since the day Merlin was banished from Camelot. Thrown into the forest in the dead of night. Only wearing the clothes on his back.

And three years since the night he was found in the forest. Bloodied and bruised. Injured by the men he once knew to be friends. He had been weak, in a time of desperation. No one had come looking for him. Not even Gaius. All of his friends, his _family_ did not come searching for him.

That is, until she found him several hours after his exile. He was filthy, caked in dirt and grime. He remembered looking up, through his tears soaked eyes and seeing her. His first instinct was to run and never look back. He expected her to kill him on the spot. He knew she wouldn’t even flinch. She was that heartless.

“My, my, my.” She said, towering over him. “If it isn’t the little _sorcerer_ that has been making a ruckus in our little home of Camelot.” He wanted to reply, to tell her to leave him alone or something worse. She merely smiled and held out her hand, “Come, Merlin, we have much to speak about.” She took him to her home and she cleaned him. All the while, she was speaking to him as if their past had never occurred. As if she hadn’t tried to kill him countless times. It felt as if Merlin had gone back in time to a time before she discovered her powers. When she was simply Uther’s ward. There had been a kindness in her eyes that Merlin had not seen since then, that was there that night in her hut. She seemed almost… Normal.

She asked, “How long have you known?” His brow furrowed, “That you were a sorcerer, I mean.”

“My whole life.”

She let out a tiny gasp, a mix of both shock and anger. “And you’ve lived in silence while working for Arthur?” She spat out the prince’s name with disgust. “I applaud you, Merlin. I could barely live under the same roof as him, let alone work for him.” Merlin said nothing in reply and she seemed to accept that. She stood up and walked over the cauldron across the room. “When I heard that Uther had died, I was overjoyed. _Finally_. That rotten, evil, tyrant of a man was dead.” She turned back to him, her eyes were full of her usual anger. “I hated that man to no end. There were times when I wanted to risk my life to storm into that godforsaken castle and kill him where he stood.” Her fists were clenched at her sides and Merlin saw hints of magic flitting behind her eyes. She tightened her jaw then let out a cooling breath, “But I didn’t.”

She walked back across the room over to him. She placed both hands on Merlin’s shoulders and kneeled down so she was looking him directly in the eye. “But, you, Merlin. You did it for me. You killed him. And yes, while you were banished, you’ve been gifted something so much greater.”

"What is that?” He managed out.

“My friendship.”  

It has been three years since Merlin has stepped foot in Camelot. And now, he has returned.


	2. The Once and Future Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments on the prologue! Here is the first chapter, which is from Gwen's point of view. We get a look at how Camelot (and Arthur) have been since Merlin's banishment. I'm still getting used to writing the characters in Merlin, but I'm trying my best. It's also over 8000 words, so there's that. I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you thought!

It was quiet.

The moon shined high in the sky and on any other night, Gwen would say it was beautiful. But on this night—a night much like the last, was different in so many ways. It was ominous.

Now Gwen tried not to follow her instincts, they often caused trouble for her and those around her. But there was something about the cold wind blowing through the streets that night. Something was about to happen. 

From the moment she had woken up that morning in her tiny house, something had changed in the air. She expected for something to happen when she went to greet Arthur in the morning with her courteous, “Good morning, sire.” She expected to him to be gravely ill and bedridden with no cure. But he was wide awake staring outside his bedroom window, much like every other morning.

There had been a time when her heart fluttered at the sight of the prince staring pensively out the window. Gwen laughed to herself at the time long ago. She still had feelings for Arthur, of course. They had been very close and Gwen did trust him with her life. They had drifted apart when Arthur closed himself off. He no longer spoke to anyone with the ease he once had. He didn’t leave her in the dark, though. He told her one morning when she arrived with his breakfast that he would no longer be courting her. She had seen it coming. His eyes no longer carried the same affection for her they once had. She wasn’t upset. She was happy Arthur had lifted part of the stress weighing him down off of his shoulders. He had invited her to live in the castle despite everything. With Elyan being a Knight it would make sense for her to also live in the castle. She declined, however, saying she liked to separate home from work and he said he understood. 

She wondered if he really did.

More often than not, she worried for him. He was now king, after Uther’s untimely death. And Arthur was not handling being the king of Camelot as well as everyone had expected. He was constantly sending troops out to keep an eye on neighbouring kingdoms as if he was waiting for them to attack. He was suspicious of everyone, including his own knights. At one point she can remember him storming out of the castle in the dead of night to confront Gwaine in the tavern. She had only heard about it because the next day she found Gwaine sitting at her table complaining about Arthur and his “Fucking face, I swear Gwen, I’m going lose my patience one day and knock that little crown off his head.” If it had been anyone else Gwen would’ve been concerned for Arthur’s well-being but she knew that Gwaine was one of the most loyal knights in Camelot. He would lay down his life for Arthur.

Gwen walked towards her small house, she carefully tightened her shawl around her shoulders. She glanced over her shoulder, gulping as she did so. She tried to recall a time in which she’s felt something like this before. She felt as if someone was watching her.

As she turned the corner to head down the muddy road leading down to her house, she stopped in her tracks. A chill went down her spine and she knew exactly the last time she had felt this.

She pressed her hand over her chest and held her breath, it had to have been three years since that night. It made sense. Arthur had been even quieter than he usually was and had been reluctant to leave his room. Gwen had shrugged it off thinking he was in one of his moods. Gwen mentally slapped herself, she was an idiot.

It was the third anniversary of Uther’s death.

And it was the third anniversary of Merlin’s banishment.

Everything had happened so quickly that night. The news that Uther was gravely injured was known to the entire kingdom minutes after it happened. The kingdom were on their toes. Rumours were whispered in the streets and nobody knew whether or not the king would live. Not even Arthur. Gwen could remember feeling saddened for Arthur’s imminent loss and fearing what would happen if Uther did in fact die.

She could have never imagined Merlin stepping forward and saying, “I can help, Arthur.” And Arthur’s immediate response, “Please, Merlin, your lacklustre polishing skills aren’t going to help.”

She had seen the pain in both Arthur’s and Merlin’s eyes that night. Arthur’s for the obvious reason, his father was dying. Merlin’s, however, were harder to place. Similar to her, Merlin probably felt for Arthur but there was something else. Something hidden that Gwen couldn’t figure out.

“Magic can heal him.” Merlin had said and Gwen’s heart stopped beating. She could tell Arthur’s had too. “ _I_ can heal him.”

There had been a moment when a pin could have dropped and it would have had crashed like the harshest thunder.

“Merlin, no.” Gaius had said, stepping forward but Arthur threw up a hand. Sending both Gwen and Gaius out of the room in a hurry. Gwen wanted to ask Gaius if he knew it to be true. If Merlin really had magic. Gaius’s face said everything words could never manage.

Half an hour later, after no sound from Uther’s room, there was a bloodcurdling scream that Gwen sometimes heard in her nightmares. This scream could only be compared to one’s soul being ripped from their body. In a matter of moments, Gaius had thrown open the doors to see Arthur with the blade of his sword to Merlin’s neck. Both men had tears in their eyes and their chests were heaving.

Gwen knew without checking that Uther had died.

He had died at the hand of Merlin.

Guards pushed past both her and Gaius and arrested Merlin. They pushed him down onto his knees and forced him to stare up at Arthur. All while he pleaded with Arthur, “Arthur, please, it wasn’t me!” Gwen cried at that. His voice made him sound so small.

With a voice that sounded just as feeble, Arthur said, “I should execute where you stand for killing my father.” The blade shook in Arthur’s hand, it was still pressed to Merlin’s throat. “You are—” Arthur’s broke off into a sob, Gwen’s heart clenched painfully. Arthur cleared his throat and steadied his hand, “You are hereby banished from Camelot. For harbouring magic and for the assassination of the king, you are getting off with your life. M-Merlin,” Arthur paused his eyes meeting Merlin’s. Whatever words he wanted to say died before he could manage them out. A minute passed with just Arthur staring at Merlin, and Merlin staring back.

Gwen felt Gaius wrap his arm around her shoulders. He squeezed her arm almost painfully. She gulped heavily and her vision was blurring from her tears.

Arthur shook his head as if he and Merlin had been conversing with each other, “Merlin, if you ever step foot into Camelot again, I will not hesitate to kill you where you stand.”

Merlin shouted at Arthur, begging him to not do this. To let him speak and that it wasn’t him who killed Uther. Gwen could no longer watch and she left the room. She leaned against the stone wall, her whole body moving with sobs. She looked up and saw Gwaine, Percival and the other knights watching from afar. Gwaine, too, had tears in his eyes. He carefully made his way over to her, trying not to disturb the situation going on in the late king’s room and he pulled her close to him.

She shook in his arms while the guards dragged Merlin from the room. She never saw him again. And since that night, with both Uther’s death and Merlin’s banishment—Arthur was a different man. 

Gwen hated thinking of that night. She missed Merlin to no end. His absence was noticed by the whole kingdom the following day, and months after that. Arthur never spoke of Merlin, Gwen wondered if it hurt too much. They had been best friends, whether or not Arthur wanted to accept that, it was the truth.

A few months later, came the news that Merlin was spotted with Morgana in the kingdom of Caerleon. However, after Morgana caused a ruckus between the two kingdoms there had been no sign of the sorcerer. Queen Annis briefly mentioned a “gangly young man” following Morgana around, but that was all. Gwen had heard most of this thanks to both Elyan and Gwaine. She had asked them how Arthur had reacted at the news that Merlin was spotted and they both said the king had remained emotionless. Agravaine, Arthur’s uncle who had arrived in Camelot only days after Uther’s death, was furious at the mere mention of Merlin. 

Gwen finally breathed and only then realised she had been standing in the mud in the middle of the night reminiscing of a night she wished she’d rather forget.

She continued on to her home and opened the door. Its loud creaking startled her for a moment, it had never done that before. She closed it with a frown and leaned against. She wished she had realised it was the anniversary sooner, she could have said something to Arthur. She wondered if anyone else had forgotten.

She lit some candles and began preparing her dinner.

As she poured a bowl of potato soup for herself, she went still. All of Camelot was asleep currently and yet she could hear someone breathing. She heard footsteps behind her and in an instant, she spun around only to be held still. A hand covered her mouth, stopping her from shouting. A body pressed against her back and she trembled with fear. She knew it was no one she knew—while the knights did visit her often to speak to her, they always made their presence known. The fingers over her mouth were bony, as was the body pressed to her back.

A pair of lips brushed by her ear, she could feel the scruff of a beard against her skin. “Don’t scream.”

Her chest lurched and she pushed them away, spinning around almost violently.

Before her, only illuminated by a few candles, was Merlin.

“Hi, Gwen.”

He was broader now, older obviously. His hair that was once cut short atop his head was now long and brushed against his shoulders. His jaw was more pronounced and he had an abundance of scruff on his face. His eyes were tired, unlike how lively they were all those years ago. He wore a maroon robe with a navy blue neckerchief. He had changed so much and yet he was still Merlin. Gwen wanted to cry.

And she did.

Merlin quickly hugged her, he was crying too.

“I’m sorry.” He said, “I’m sorry I haven’t come back sooner.”

She pushed him away, “You idiot!” She sobbed, “How are you even here? How did you get past the guards? You cannot be here! Arthur will have you killed!”

He blinked as if it unfazed him. “You know I would only come back if I had a reason. And I do. I promise, and it’s a good reason.”

“Good enough to have yourself killed?” She choked out a laugh, though it wasn’t funny at all.

“Yes.”

In the next few moments, she sat him down and handed him a bowl of soup. He sat patiently for her to join him and only when she sat down did he start eating. “Why are you here, Merlin?”

He pursed his lips, “How are you, Gwen?”

She frowned at the diversion but answered anyway, “I’m fine. I work in the castle, I still live here in my house. Nothing has changed for me.”

“What of Elyan? Is he still a knight?” Merlin slurped up another spoonful of soup.

“Yes.” She replied, “Everyone is still alive and well.”

“That’s… That’s good.” Merlin smiled and Gwen saw an underlying sadness beneath it. “I’m glad everyone is all right. How is Gaius?”

“He is healthy, and still working.” Gwen pushed around her soup briefly. “He misses you a lot. He hasn’t taken up another apprentice since you’ve left. I go by sometimes to see how he is. I bring him things.” She shrugs, “Your mother came to visit him not too long ago, and she had no idea you had been banished.”

Merlin placed his spoon down, “I couldn’t bear to go see her.”

Gwen nodded, “I understand.”

One of the candles blew out when a gust of wind came through the cracks in the windows. Gwen muttered out a quick apology and went to find her flint to relight it but Merlin stopped her, “It’s fine, Gwen.” He held up his hand to it and his eyes flashed a shade of gold. Instantly, the candle lit up and Gwen was left speechless. It wasn’t that Merlin’s magic scared her, she could honestly care less about that. It was the fact he used it so carelessly. A guard or knight could have been walking and heard the spell being cast. “Now that everyone knows, I might as well use it.”

Gwen wet her lips, “Arthur will kill you, Merlin.”

Merlin ignored her. “I’m glad you’re doing well, Gwen. I really am. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed everyone. Living in the forest is nothing like living in Camelot.”

Gwen stood up and cleared her bowl from the table. As she washed it she heard Merlin stand up and walk towards her. He spoke, “I know this is a lot to ask of you Gwen, and you are free to say no. I will not hold it against you if you do.” Gwen held her breath. “Can I stay here? In your house. Until I figure things out.”

She turned around to face him, she wanted to ask him what he meant. Why was he back in Camelot? Of all days, he had returned. Had it something to do with Morgana? Had Merlin truly become an ally with Camelot’s nemesis? Was he here to threaten Arthur’s life? Gwen wanted answers to questions she was too afraid to ask.

"I understand it’s difficult, I am not supposed to be here. If you are found out to be harboring a fugitive, you could be punished.” He stepped closer to her, “If that were to happen, I wouldn’t let them hurt you. I’d protect you.”

Every nerve in her body was fighting with her to say no, that he can’t stay here. It’s too risky. “You can stay here, Merlin.” She found herself saying.

Merlin managed a tiny smile, “Thank you, Gwen.”

“First, answer me this.” Gwen began, “Why have you come back to Camelot? What possible thing could you desire so much that you’d risk your life to get it? I’m afraid for your safety Merlin. Arthur let you go that night even though all evidence was pointed against you. He let you live.” Merlin scoffed loudly at that. “What?” He shook his head and let her go on, “He told you he’d kill you. I heard him. He does not go back on his promises.”

“Perhaps he isn’t the king you think he is, Gwen.” Merlin said and Gwen thought for a moment she was speaking to Morgana. Merlin sounded so unlike himself. Merlin seemed to realise this, he rubbed his face, “Sorry, I mean,” he sighed in defeat. “The reason I have returned Gwen, is because of Camelot.”

Her frown deepened, “What do you mean?”

“I cannot exactly go into details, but something is threatening Camelot’s safety. I can sense it. And while a thousand things have tried their hand in taking Camelot by siege, this time it’s serious.” He said, “I wouldn’t have come back if it was something minor like an army trying to conquer the citadel. The knights can handle that on their own without my help now.”  

“What is threatening us?” Gwen’s anxiousness rose. “Should I warn Arthur?”

“No.” Merlin lowered his voice, “Do not tell him anything, Gwen. I will let him know I’m here when I want him to. He can’t know before.”

“You say something is trying to kill the king and you want me to stay quiet?”

“Arthur is fine, anything can happen to him and he’ll be alive like the prat he is.” He laughed and Gwen noticed the bitterness in it. “I understand this is complicated and you probably think I’m mad, but please Gwen. I want to protect Camelot just as much as you, but things need to be done in a certain order for it to remain safe.” He placed both hands on her shoulders, “Promise me you will say nothing, Gwen.”

She stared into his eyes. For a brief second she thought she could see the pain Merlin had the night of Uther’s death. The pain of being ripped away from the life he had because of his magic. Gwen knew in that millisecond she could trust Merlin. She trusted him, and she would help him protect Camelot in whatever way she can.  

“I promise.”

It was later that night, when the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon that Gwen realised something.

Merlin was across her house sound asleep. He fell asleep only an hour after their discussion. He had told her of his journey to Camelot, it was very uneventful if she said so herself. If it was true and he had been with Morgana, he never mentioned it. He told her he had gone to Caerleon’s kingdom and had found shelter there. A majority of his banishment was spent trying to find food day to day. And to avoid being killed. While magic was banned in Camelot, it was frowned upon everywhere else. There was nothing suspicious about Merlin’s tale, other than failing to mention Morgana—but Gwen wasn’t surprised about that.

It was his tendency to change the subject when Gwen mentioned Arthur. Even if it was in passing. Merlin had asked her who she works for in the castle, whether it was one of the knights and she said it was Arthur. Merlin had swallowed heavily then moved on, completely ignoring the mention of the king. Then, again when she said she should be heading to bed because Arthur would wake up soon. Merlin had said nothing but, “A good night’s rest is more important than that.”

Gwen set up a makeshift bed in the corner of her house and bid goodnight to Merlin, then got into bed herself. It was after Merlin had fallen asleep, and Gwen was unable to sleep herself that the realisation had hit her.

Merlin had said “I want to protect Camelot just as much as you.” And not “I want to protect Arthur.” Something stirred in Gwen’s stomach.

Why was Merlin in Camelot?

Why did he not care about Arthur’s safety?

Why was Camelot more important to him than Arthur?

 _Why_?

* * *

The sound of metal clanging against the floor was becoming a norm for Gwen. Today, for some reason, Arthur was more irritable than usual. The vein in his neck was popping out and his eyebrows were drawn up in frustration. Gwen had never seen him this agitated before. And that was saying something, because it was Arthur. He was almost always agitated.

“Would you like me to bring you another breakfast, sire?” Gwen said, keeping her voice monotone. “Perhaps something with more fruit?” She had brought him his breakfast like usual, but at the sight of it though Arthur went into a rage. Without saying a single thing to Gwen, he threw the food from his table and stared at it, his chest heaving with each breath.

Arthur was across his room staring at the mess on the floor. He glanced at her and shook his head, “I’m fine, Guinevere. Please leave.”

“I should clean the mess.” She said heading towards him and the breakfast discarded on the floor.

“No!” He shouted, startling her. “I-I’m sorry, I mean to say I’ll do it.” Arthur went over to the spilled food and began picking it up onto the tray. Gwen took in a deep breath and joined him. She kneeled down beside him and they said nothing to each other for a few minutes. As she finished picking up the last piece of food, Arthur stood up and went to the window.

Gwen placed the mess of food onto his table and she clasped her hands in front of her. “Arthur…” She began, “Is something bothering you? You know you can tell me anything and I will not judge you.”

Arthur tightened the muscle in his jaw and was unresponsive. Gwen cast her eyes down and collected the tray from the table. She left the room slowly, hoping Arthur would say something the last second but he didn’t. He remained stoic by the glass. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

“Tough day?” She glanced up and found Gwaine sauntering over to her.

After that day three years ago, she and Gwaine had become closer than ever. She had heard a few whispers through the castle that the reason she and Arthur were no longer together was because she had fallen for Gwaine. That wasn’t the case at all.

She needed someone to vent to when things were difficult, especially in the months after Merlin left. She had had Merlin for that and in his absence, she was bottling things up to the point it was interfering with her work. Gwaine had taken notice in this and spoke to her. She learned that Merlin had been the same for Gwaine. He had said, “Merlin was very important to a lot of people in Camelot, he probably never even knew.” 

Gwaine had invited himself over to her house and they spent hours chatting. Gwen had learned so much about Gwaine she had never known before. She understood why people gossiped about their odd relationship. But she knew herself that there was nothing more but platonic friendship between them.

“Tough morning.” She let out a quiet laugh and Gwaine looked to the tray in Gwen’s arms. “He did not like his breakfast this morning.”

“I can tell.” He reached out and popped a grape into his mouth. “What is it this time?”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea.” She spared a glance at Arthur’s door once more. “He was fine yesterday other than being quieter than usual, even with the circumstances.” Gwaine raised an eyebrow. “It was the third anniversary.”

“It was?” Gwaine whistled, “I had no idea. I should’ve. Felt different yesterday.”

Gwen sucked in a breath, “You too?”

Gwaine nodded and motioned for her to follow him, “I woke up this morning unrested and I am _never_ unrested. I may act like I am to get out of bullshit jobs Arthur wants me to do but that’s all. And yesterday, the air smelt different and Percival thought I was going mad. Kept talking about the smell of embers—fire burning, but a small fire. He even offered to take me to Gaius, and that would have been a terror. He’d force me to drink potions made out of who knows what.” Gwen laughed softly as they passed by the guest bedrooms. “I assumed it was an off day, I get those sometimes.”

“Everyone does.”

“Exactly. But now that you mention it was the third anniversary, don’t you think that is suspicious?” Gwaine looked at her, his eyes were void of his usual joking and Gwen knew he was serious. Gwen thought back to Merlin in a dead sleep in her house. She wished to tell Gwaine of his arrival, Gwaine would be overjoyed and he could help her keep Merlin’s presence a secret. But something deep down in her soul forbid her from doing so. “Gwen? Are you all right?” Gwaine waved a hand in front of her face. “You’ve glazed over…” He pressed a hand to her forehead and they stood there. “You feel fine.”

Gwen blinked and she looked up at him, “I don’t know what came over me.”

Gwaine pursed his lips and removed his hand. He continued walking and Gwen followed him a step behind. “You never answered my question, Gwen.”

“What was it again?” She asked, her mind was elsewhere. She could feel the pull of something in her stomach. As if something was calling her.

“If you thought the strange things that happened yesterday had anything to do with it being the third anniversary?” Gwaine stopped, “Are you sure you are feeling alright, Gwen?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” Gwen sighed and said, “It could be coincidence. But… Arthur had been fine up until today. Maybe he hadn’t realised it was the third anniversary until today. Perhaps he feels guilty he didn’t remember.” She shook her head, “But that doesn’t make sense. I know Arthur better than anyone, he doesn’t forget things like that. Especially Merlin’s—”

The pair were interrupted by Leon turning down their hall. He spotted them both and came towards them, “Gwaine, we’ve been looking for you. We have training in,” he paused to figure out what time it was, “Now.”

“But Arthur is still in his room.” Gwaine pointed behind him towards Arthur’s still closed bedroom door. “We don’t train without the king.”

“Today we do.” Leon sounded and looked exhausted. Gwen wondered why everyone, excluding herself, had a restless sleep. She for one had finally had a good sleep even with its short duration. But with what Gwaine has said and the bags under Leon’s eyes… She has known Leon for years, her mother worked in Leon’s house when they were children. She and Leon were childhood friends, and she knew she could rely on him for anything if she needed it. He rubbed his eyes tiredly then said, “Come on then, Gwaine. Sorry for interrupting Guinevere.”  

“It is fine.” She smiled and turned to Gwaine, “Go have fun training.”

“I’ll come to your house later, I still want to talk to you about—” Gwaine glanced awkwardly at Leon. Leon stood there with her lips pressed into a line and his brow drawn up in confusion. “A-About that thing.”

Gwen bit back a laugh and nodded, “I will see you later, then.”

The pair of knights left her with a wave goodbye and a bow of the head. She sighed and stood there in the hall. Gwaine had felt differently, and without saying so, she knew Leon had had the same problem. What were the odds that the three of them had all felt a difference on the third anniversary? Gwen shivered slightly and shook her head. It had to be coincidence. There was no correlation between the three of them at that day. None of them had anything to do with Uther’s death or Merlin’s banishment. As harsh as it sounded, it was all on Arthur. 

And Arthur had seemed fine the day before.

She shrugged it off and went on with her day.

Later that afternoon, she found herself with a downtime she didn’t usually have. She made her way outside to where the knights trained and found Arthur fighting alongside the knights. If she remembered correctly, Leon had said to Gwaine that Arthur wouldn’t be joining them.

“You fight like a bunch of pansies!” Arthur shouted at the men.

Gwen grew closer to the training area and stood by the sidelines. She folded her arms across her chest and watched on.

“Sire, we have been training since the early morning.” It was Percival that said that, brave man, Gwen thought to herself.

“If we were in a war, you would be dead by now!” Arthur swung a mace towards Percival who was socked in the stomach. Gwaine immediately when to Percival’s side and helped him back up. “Don’t help him!”

Gwaine looked up at Arthur with defiance, “Why don’t you calm down and put the weapon down!” Gwaine hissed at the king, “We’re _exhausted_ , Arthur. You haven’t given us a break since you joined us. There is no war to be fought!”

Arthur stepped towards Gwaine slowly, from where Gwen stood, she could see the tightness in Arthur’s jaw. Arthur stood so close to Gwaine, they were nose to nose. Gwen knew Gwaine was not going to back down from Arthur. And Arthur, in whatever state he was, wasn’t going to either.

The pull in her stomach from earlier returned and this time, it felt as if there was a rope tying her to Gwaine. There was an incessant tugging feeling, as if it were telling her she needed to stop them both.

When she saw Arthur adjust his grip on the mace in his hand, she ran across the field.

“Gwen?” Elyan shouted from the side of the field.

She pushed her way between the two men and she faced Arthur. She placed both hands on his chest, “Arthur, please.”

His gaze remained fixed on Gwaine, and Gwaine made no indication he was budging either. Gwen remained in between them, she could feel the mud of the battle field soaking through her shoes and the cold wind froze her exposed skin.

The pull in her stomach suddenly grew taut then disappeared, as if the rope had broken. She let out a sigh of relief when she spotted the calmness return to Arthur’s eyes. She hadn’t seen that look since they were still in love.

Arthur stumbled backwards and dropped the mace. He cast his eyes down, “E-Excuse me.” And with that he left the knights and Gwen. Gwaine came around to Gwen’s side, as did Elyan and Leon. Percival was still on the ground rubbing his stomach from the mace’s blow.

The three of them bombarded her with questions on whether or not she was okay after that. She promised them she was fine and went inside. She could hear the maid’s now talking of her getting between Arthur and Gwaine. She knew they would believe it to be a love triangle of sorts.

That night, she returned to her house after a hard day’s work. Arthur’s moodiness had stretched out past his outburst in the training field. Arthur, she had noticed, had not eaten a thing all day. After the breakfast fiasco, and then his tantrum, it had been time for lunch. The king had refused to see her, or anyone for that matter, and he did not eat. At dinner, however, he allowed Gwen in and she managed to get him to eat a single piece of bread, but even then it had been a challenge. Whatever was going with Arthur was serious, he always ate.

 She opened her small door and stepped inside, only to be faced with Merlin and a table full of food.

“Merlin?” She gasped, “W-What is this?”

“I made you dinner.” He said awkwardly by the table, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves. He was stilling wearing the robe he wore when she first saw him, but his neckerchief was looser around his neck, as if he had been tugging on it anxiously. “I wanted to thank you for allowing me to stay in your home.”

Gwen placed her things down on the floor and walked over to him. “Merlin, you have no need to thank me. You’re my friend, you always will be.” She hugged him tight and she felt him put his arms around her slowly. There was a significant difference in his demeanor tonight, Gwen noticed. She rubbed his back before pulling away, “Where did you find all this food? Surely I didn’t have it here.”

Merlin motioned to the table with his hand and said, “I may have gone out to get it.” Gwen’s heart lurched. “Don’t worry, I hid myself well. No one saw me, or noticed I had taken anything.”

“Merlin, you can’t do that!” She smacked his arm, “What if you make a mistake with your magic, and someone does see you! If you need me to grab something for you, I will. I don’t want you risking your life for a chicken.” She scolded him and gave him her best stern expression. “I’m only joking Merlin,” she giggled, “but please, if you need something do tell me.”

“I will.”

They sat down and Gwen dug in, “I never realised how hungry I was.” She said, Merlin had made a roast chicken with vegetables and a soup on the side. The banished sorcerer certainly had been busy. “I had been busy all day, and in the moments I wasn’t, Gwaine seemed to find me and wanted to talk.”

“Gwaine?” Merlin also began eating, “How is he?”

“He’s the same as before, talks my ear off whenever he gets the chance.” Gwen paused, “And that’s almost whenever I have free time. Thankfully, tonight it is the knights drinking night in the tavern—he won’t be bothering us.”

“That’s… Good.” Merlin chewed his food slowly, “Are you two…?”

Gwen almost choked on her food, “Oh, goodness Merlin, of course not! Could you imagine Gwaine and me?” Merlin smiled slightly, “No, I swear to you, we’re only friends.” Gwen went to eat more but she stopped and looked up at Merlin. “How did you know Arthur and I are no longer together?”

Merlin swallowed heavily, “What?”

“I do not believe I’ve mentioned that Arthur and I have ended our relationship.” She placed her fork down on the table, “How is it that you knew?” Merlin didn’t reply to her, instead he continued to eat. Her frown deepened, “Merlin, you have a tendency to go quiet when I mention him.” Merlin’s eyes flickered up to hers. “Arthur is the same way, he refuses to speak about you. After you first left, I often brought you up in conversation. He hated it. He told everyone it was forbidden to say your name in his presence.”

“Sounds about right.” Merlin managed out a bitter laugh.

Gwen reached across the table and took Merlin’s hand, “Talk to me, Merlin.”

“Gwen, would you want to talk about the man that threw you into the forest and ordered his men to beat you an inch of your life?” Merlin’s eyes went scarily dark. “He wanted me to die that night, in fact, he said he would let me live to give me hope that I may be able to live a normal life. But then those knights that took me out into the forest were under strict orders to bring me there alive, and leave me dead.”

Gwen shook her head, “No, Merlin, you’re wrong. Arthur didn’t do that—”

“Yes, he did Gwen!” Merlin sat up slightly, the flames of the candles beside them blew out at the sheer force of his emotions. “That night was the worst night of my entire life. I tried to save _Uther_ of all people, the king who wanted my kind to die painful deaths for no reason other than having magic. I revealed my magic to Arthur because I knew I could save Uther and ended up killing his father and it only resulted in Arthur hating me— _it kills me inside_.” Merlin broke off to catch his breath and Gwen spotted tears in his eyes. Gwen’s bottom lip began to wobble and tears began to fall down her face. “And then, Arthur banished me because he wouldn’t listen to reason. He ordered his knights to kill me because he is just like Uther. Afraid of what he doesn’t know.” 

Gwen wiped her cheek, “M-Merlin…”

“Now do you understand why I don’t want to talk about Arthur?” Merlin relaxed himself and re-lit the candles. “If you don’t mind, Gwen, I think I’m going to go to sleep.”

Gwen went to bed that night with the haunting knowledge that Merlin’s companionship with Morgana was a terrifying and alarming reality.

* * *

The next two weeks went about the same way.

Arthur’s tantrums continued, Gwaine was constantly asking about the third anniversary and his weird ‘smells’, and Merlin was growing more quiet with each day that passed.

One night, when they were having dinner together, Merlin sucked in a breath and said. “Gwen, can I ask you something?”

Curious, she looked up, “Of course.”

Merlin stirred around his soup anxiously before asking, “Can I see Gaius?”

The question hung in the air for a few seconds. Gwen had to make sure she had heard correctly, “What?”

Merlin avoided her gaze, “I want to see Gaius, can you bring him here?”

“If you’re absolutely sure.” She said, “Perhaps I can ask him to bring you some of your old clothes.” Gwen had snuck some of Arthur’s tattered clothes from his wardrobe and brought them to Merlin after his fourth day in Camelot. The sorcerer had been wearing the same maroon robe and he had been starting to smell. She went without telling him they were Arthur’s clothes, she knew he had a suspicion since most of the clothes she handed him were Pendragon red.

“Right, that’d be nice.” He shrugged in the ill-fitting shirt.

“When do you want me to ask him?” She slurped up a spoonful of whatever soup Merlin had made. “Tomorrow?”

“Okay.” He nodded eagerly, he reminded her of a child waiting for a present.

The next morning, Gwen woke up with her heart pounding. Merlin was still asleep when she left, his long hair strewn about his pillow and face. She wanted to brush his bangs out of his eyes but she feared she would wake him.

Rather than heading to the castle to tend to Arthur who was no doubt throwing around a piece of furniture in his bedroom. She headed towards Gaius’s quarters.

She knocked quietly on the door and pushed it open. Gaius was awake, as per usual, and he was working on a potion while reading from a thick book. She cleared her throat and Gaius looked up startled. “Oh, Gwen!” He grinned and put the book down, as well as the potion.

He made his way over to her and hugged her tight, “Hello, Gaius.”

“How are you, Gwen? I feel as if I haven’t seen you in ages.” He stepped away to give her a once over. “Is Arthur giving you a hard time?”

“I’m doing great, Gaius. Arthur's no harder to deal with than he usually is.” They both laughed at that, when they both calmed themselves, Gaius’s stepped away to grab the potion he was making. 

“What is it you will be needing?”

She decided right then it would be easier to ask him to come to her house then to say, “Hey, Gaius, guess what? Merlin is back! He’s been staying in my home for the past two weeks!”

“I was wondering if perhaps you could come to my house later tonight.” She said, biting her lip.

“Whatever for?”

She paused and came up with the first response she could manage, “There has been something bothering me lately.”

“And that is?” He stopped stirring his potion to focus his complete attention on her.

“I’d prefer it if we speak about it in my house. Anyone could be listening here.” She said, glancing around the room for emphasis. Gaius nodded slowly, processing her request. “It will only take a few minutes.”

With a sigh, “I will clear my schedule and meet you in your home this evening.”

Gwen grinned happily and she thanked him. She turned around to leave but in the doorway, she stopped. She was supposed to bring Merlin some of his old clothing. She knew Gaius had kept Merlin’s room the same since his banishment. Many of his things were likely to be gathering dust now. Hopefully, when Gaius learns of Merlin’s return he’ll bring him his old things.

As Gwen walked to the kitchens to retrieve Arthur’s breakfast, she was briefly reminded that Merlin was here for a reason. And that reason was to save Camelot from something threatening. Whatever that was, Merlin hadn’t mentioned it since his first night in Camelot.

“Gwen!” A high voice called for her, they sounded frantic. Down the stairs ran a younger maid, who worked for Arthur’s Uncle Agravaine, her name was Isabelle. She was petite, with fair skin, and brunette hair. Her cheeks were rosy red and her eyes were wider than a full moon. “Oh, thank goodness, I’ve found you!” Isabelle panted once she reached Gwen.

Gwen cocked her head to the side, “What is the matter?”

“It’s His Majesty.” Isabelle heaved and puffed, her hand pressed to her chest.

“Isabelle, calm down and tell me what is wrong with Arthur.” When Isabelle first started at the castle—almost three years ago—she had been outraged by Gwen calling Arthur by his name rather than his official title. Isabelle had come from a family of servants working for nobles. It was engrained into her brain to never call a noble by their name, it was blasphemous. Gwen taught her fairly quickly that she was the only servant in the castle—other than Merlin of course, but he was no longer there when Isabelle arrived—to call Arthur by his name.

“I was told by Lord Agravaine to fetch the king’s breakfast as you had yet to do so,” Isabelle had a subtle disapproving tone at that, “And so I did, and when I entered the king’s room, he wasn’t there!”

Gwen blinked, “Is that it? Arthur wasn’t in his room?”

“W-Well, yes, but—”

“Isabelle, while I’m sure Arthur would be grateful for your concern—he is allowed to leave his room once in a while. He’s the king.” Gwen patted the girl on the shoulder and walked past her.

She approached the stairwell and when she stepped on the first step, Isabelle called out to her. “I found this note on his table.” Gwen turned back around and Isabelle handed her the note.

Gwen unfolded the stationery, it was definitely Arthur’s handwriting. It was messy, as if written in a rush. The ink had yet to even dry. In all caps, in the center of the page was written something that made Gwen’s insides grow cold.

 _MERLIN_.

“Gwen?” Isabelle said nervously, “Why would Arthur write that?”

Gwen could only picture Arthur storming into her house and finding Merlin, still asleep, vulnerable. Gwen clenched her jaw and said, “You will tell no one of this, Isabelle. Is that understood? Lord Agravaine is to go unaware.”

“O-Of course.” Gwen knew Isabelle was not stupid, she knew who Merlin was. She knew who Merlin was to Arthur. Despite this, Gwen knew Isabelle would go crawling to Agravaine to tell him of Arthur’s note.

Gwen said nothing more to the girl and crumpled the paper in her hand. No one could ever know about this. Without the proof of the note, it was Isabelle’s word against to Gwen, who has dedicated her life to the royal family.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity, Arthur reappeared late into the afternoon. Gwen was relieved to say the least. She had tried to let Arthur’s little vacation not bother her. But as time had gone on, and Arthur’s disappearance stretching on for another hour. She almost went searching for him herself.

Agravaine had sent some of the knights looking for the king, but Arthur returned all on his own. He never said where he had gone or why he left. Gwen didn’t ask. Agravaine did. Rather aggressively, to which Arthur slammed the door in his uncle’s face forcing Gwen to hold back a chuckle.

When the sun began to set, Gwen made haste to her house to meet Gaius. She was extremely nervous. What if Gaius didn’t react the way both Merlin was expecting? Would he call for the guards to arrest them both? She certainly hoped not.

“Gwen!” Merlin exclaimed when she entered the house, “Is Gaius coming?”

“Yes, and soon.” In hindsight, perhaps she should have told Merlin of Gaius’s arrival the moment she had convinced Gaius. “What do you want me to do when he gets here? I told him I had something to speak to him about.”

“Well, the thing is me.” Merlin shrugged and rubbed his arm slightly, “I haven’t really—”

 _Knock_ , _knock_.

“Guinevere?”

“It’s Gaius.” Said Gwen, her heart was positively pounding.

Merlin was frozen staring at the door. “Open it.”

Gwen took in a deep breath and went over to the door. She glanced back at Merlin, who was starting to hide behind the curtain near her bed. With one final sigh, she swung open the door.

Gaius stood on the other side grinning. “Good afternoon.” He said walking in. Gwen stepped aside and closed the door after him. The physician laid his things out on her table and paused only for a moment to see the two sets of dirtied dishes from the night before. He raised a brow in Gwen’s direction and her cheek’s flushed red. God only knew what Gaius was thinking. He cleared his throat, “What is it you needed to talk to me about? You seemed quite concerned this morning, I was worried all day what it might be.”

Gwen began making her way slowly towards the curtain near her bed. Gaius’s eyes followed her carefully. “I’m perfectly healthy, Gaius. There is no need to worry.”

Gaius’s brow drew up in confusion. “Then what is the dilemma?”

Gwen heard Merlin shift behind the curtain and she took that as an okay. She removed the curtain and silence filled the tiny house.

There Merlin stood—wearing Arthur’s old clothes, looking more like an injured fawn than a powerful sorcerer. “Hi, Gaius.” Merlin said, his nerves were on end.

 Gaius looked between both Gwen and Merlin. “How long has he been here?” He said, directing his question to Gwen.

“Two weeks now.” Gwen answered.

Gaius swallowed heavily and said, “Why didn’t you come see me sooner?”

Gwen’s heart broke at that.

Merlin crossed the room and hugged the older man tight. “I am so sorry, Gaius. I would’ve come back sooner, but I was afraid of disappointing you.” Merlin sobbed into Gaius’s shoulder. Gwen saw an emotion Merlin had never shared with her. “That night—I never meant to reveal my magic. I wanted everything to be okay. I should’ve used that potion you gave me, to trick Arthur into thinking I was an old man… But I wanted Arthur to see it was me, I wanted him to believe magic could be used for good.” Merlin sobbed, “I wanted to stop hiding.”

Gaius patted Merlin’s back gently, “You do not need to apologise, Merlin. You did what you thought was best. That is all that matters.” Gaius pulled away slightly to look at Merlin, “You have grown well, my boy. Though, your hair may need cutting.” Merlin wiped his face with the back of his hand and chuckled, “Wouldn’t you agree, Gwen?”

Gwen simply laughed and said nothing. She didn’t want to ruin their moment.

“Let us sit.” Gaius said, motioning to Gwen’s table. Once they were seated Gaius spoke again, “Why have you returned Merlin? Surely you know the dangers that await you if you are found.”

“I know.” Merlin said, fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve. “It’s a long story but I’ll try my best.” Gaius motioned for Merlin to begin, “A while ago, probably 4 months ago, I had a dream depicting Camelot up in flames.” Gwen sucked in a breath. She felt as if she was overhearing something confidential. “It was devastating. Thousands were dead. And it was not only the castle town that was in peril. It was the _entire_ kingdom. I had never seen such destruction. I thought perhaps it was only a dream, that it was something my brain had concocted because I was having a bad day. Sometimes I had nightmares about… That night. And my dreams adjusted themselves to remind me of it.” Gaius nodded as if he knew what Merlin was talking about. Gwen, had no idea.

“I dismissed that dream and went on like normal.” Merlin went on, “A few days later a friend of mine, another sorcerer, told me they had had a dream eerily similar to mine. Of course I was worried. What if in my absence, Camelot had been destroyed? I knew that couldn’t have happened, I would’ve heard about it. Camelot was a constant topic of conversation where I was staying.” Gwen pursed her lips, she wondered where that place was. Possibly with the druids? Gwen was extremely uneducated when it came to sorcery and druids. “For the next couple months, I had forgotten about it. It was in the back of my mind, I had more to worry about then nightmares.”

“What happened next?” Gwen found herself saying. Merlin and Gaius glanced at her. She flushed with embarrassment, “Sorry.”

Merlin chuckled under his breath, “Three weeks ago, I had another dream about Camelot. This time I wasn’t going to let myself believe it was a silly nightmare. I considered going to the Crystal Caves to see if what I was dreaming was a true vision. But before I could make that decision, I was struck with this overwhelming…” Merlin cast his eyes down, “emotion.”

“Emotion?” Gaius repeated, “What did you feel, Merlin?”

“Longing.”

Gwen was struck. She thought back to Arthur’s note, a haste written word that could only mean one thing.

Longing.

Merlin and Arthur were both desperate to get over whatever was holding them back. Gwen had no idea what this meant. Did Merlin long to see Arthur? Did Arthur long to see Merlin? Of course would be the easy answer. But truly, what was it about these two? Why had Merlin dreamt of Camelot in ruins and come back? If he hated the kingdom and Arthur as much as he had implicated, he would be the first in line—with Morgana, obviously—to watch it be destroyed. Why had Arthur written that note today? Had he too been dreaming of Camelot’s destruction, or was it pure coincidence?

“Merlin—”

The warning bells interrupted whatever words Gaius meant to say. The three of them shot up from their seats.

From inside Gwen’s house, they could hear guards and knights running through the streets. Shouting and ordering people back into their houses. Fear shot down Gwen’s spine.

“What is she doing?!” Merlin groaned and threw his arms up in defeat. “I told her not to do anything yet.” He said, not addressing either Gaius or Gwen. “Gaius,” Merlin said urgently, “I need you to go to Arthur.”

“What are you talking about, Merlin?” Gaius questioned, “Why?”

“Stop him from leaving the town.” He went around the table and grabbed both of Gaius's shoulders. “Please, Gaius, he’s an idiot and will try to fight. He can’t right now.”

Gwen was going to get whiplash. One second Merlin cursed the ground Arthur walked on, the next he wanted to protect him with every power in his being.

“I shall do my best.” Gaius hesitantly collected his things and headed towards the door. “Stay quiet, my boy, with knights around it will be harder to stay hidden.”

Both Gwen and Merlin nodded.

“Be safe—”

Gaius was cut off by the door swinging open.

Enter Gwaine, sword drawn and body tense. He opened his mouth and broke the everlasting silence, “Merlin.”


	3. Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry for such a late update. I've had finals, and I had to update another story I'm writing. I'm here now though, with a chapter that is 11692 words. I wanted to make up for the time I've made you all wait. This chapter is from Merlin's PoV, as most of the story will be. I noticed that when I was writing it, I have made Agravaine come later than he did in the show. I like to think that Arthur is wise and knew what he was doing when Uther was betrayed by Morgana. I don't think Agravaine had to be there until Uther's death. Thank you all for your sweet comments on the first chapter. Please let me know what you think of this one! Anyway, without any further ado, here is chapter 2.

“Merlin.”

The last time Merlin had heard his name fall from Gwaine’s lips was the day he was banished. It had been a whisper, barely heard over the shouting and screams. As he was being dragged away from Uther’s room, Gwaine was holding Gwen—who was sobbing against his shoulder. Gwaine was crying too, and when they made eye contact all Gwaine could do was say his name. His eyes were wide in disbelief and in sadness. _Why didn’t you tell me_? Gwaine’s eyes had said. Merlin could do nothing but scream.

Now, Gwaine was tense. His voice was sharp but there was still that concern and sadness in his eyes that had never left. “He’s with Morgana,” Gwaine said, “The scouts spotted them just on the edges of the border of Caerleon and Camelot.” Both Gwen and Gaius glanced over to where Merlin had been standing next to Gwen.

He wasn’t there. 

He was behind the curtain near Gwen’s bed. A hand covering his mouth and the other over his pounding chest. His heart was beating harder than it ever had before. He had already been tense, with seeing Gaius after 3 years, telling both Gaius _and_ Gwen why he was in Camelot and now the bells going off. He was a mess.

A mess who was thankful he had charmed Gwen’s door to creak when someone pushed it open. He had done it before Gwen had even known he had returned to Camelot. He knew that if he were given permission by Gwen to stay in her home, she would have visitors eventually. Merlin wouldn’t be up and about the entire time—for all he knew, someone might come in at night. The squeaking of the hinges was loud enough to rouse anyone from sleep.  

The moment had gone so slowly. One second, Gaius was bidding him farewell after telling him he’d watch over Arthur. The next, Gwaine was storming in. Merlin panicked, he whispered out a quick invisibility spell fast enough for Gwaine to not spot him.

The spell itself was weak, weaker than the other ones Merlin knew. If Merlin stood there for long, Gwaine would surely see him. The weak spell did hide Merlin from plain sight, but if looked at long enough, he’d be made seen—only by that person. The druid that taught it to him a few years ago said, “Whenever you see something in the corner of your eye, something you can’t exactly make out—it’s this spell.” While the druid was incorrect, a majority of the time it is something completely insignificant, a small percentage of those movements were sorcerers.

He hid himself behind the curtain, keeping himself from Gwaine’s searching eyes. Merlin was curious though, that hadn’t changed in three years. He peered around the curtain and found Gwen and Gaius staring at Gwaine with wide eyes.

Gwen gulped hard and said, “How did he look?

Merlin’s brow furrowed, Gwaine had just revealed he was seen with Camelot’s nemesis Morgana and Gwen wanted to know what he looked like. He wanted to laugh at the silliness of it.

“Short hair,” Gwaine said, “Like usual. Well, actually a bit longer.” Merlin saw Gaius and Gwen share a look. They knew the scouts had spotted someone else. After all, he was just with them a minute ago. “The moment I heard the news, I knew I had to come speak to you Gwen.”

Gwen folded her arms across her chest, “Why?”

“After what we spoke about the other week. About the weird things happening between Arthur and some of us.” He paused, turning around to shut the door. Once it was shut, he stepped closer to them, lowering his voice to a hushed whisper. “I think Merlin has something to do with it.”

“Why?” It was Gaius who asked this.

“It makes sense,” Gwaine began, “The day of the third anniversary, all of us started feeling differently. Arthur is moodier than usual, I don’t think I even saw him that day. Typically, he makes his way out of his room to yell at us and then eat. But on that day, I never saw him.” Both Gwen and Gaius listened intently to Gwaine’s words. Merlin, too, was intrigued by them. He wondered how long Gwaine had been theorising about this. “And Gwen, you were not well the day after. You had those dizzy spells. And of course, I was unrested.”

Merlin almost snorted at that. While everyone is having actual problems, Gwaine is dealing with a sleep that wasn’t ideal. Typical Gwaine.

“I think Merlin is warning us.” Gwaine said, “He’s still our friend. He’s telling us that Morgana is about to attack. We must warn Arthur.”

“It’s pure speculation, Gwaine.” Gaius said with a sigh, “Arthur will not listen to speculation. Not now.” He shook his head, “Not anymore.” The silence stretched between the three. Merlin saw Gwaine’s eyes flicker over to the curtain, briefly, but enough to startle him. He moved back behind it and decided to trust in his listening skills.

“He might.” Gwaine finally spoke, “If it has something to do with Merlin, he might react. He might listen to reason.”

“Unless we have proof,” Gaius said, Merlin heard a rustle of fabric and the creaking of floor boards. “Arthur will not listen. Even if you were to try to speak to him, Agravaine would intervene.”

“The bloody bastard.” Gwaine hissed, “He’s always sticking his nose in Arthur’s business.”

“He’s his uncle.” Gwen said.

“I’d advise you to wait, Gwaine, until we know for sure it is Merlin with Morgana. The scouts are notorious for their misinformation. More often than not, they’re spotting has caused trouble for Arthur and Camelot. Do not make me remind you of the day they almost injured Arthur when he had snuck out with Lady Sophia years ago.”

“Gaius, I know you’re a bit old, but I wasn’t here when that happened.” There was the sound of a wack and Gwaine hissed. Merlin smirked, Gaius had always been sensitive about his age. 

“Nevertheless, they’re not the brightest pumpkins in the patch. We must be diligent. Telling Arthur of Merlin’s possible return could drive him mad, even madder than he already is.” Gaius paused, and a long pause it was. “You know how Arthur reacted to Merlin’s banishment, it destroyed him. Even hinting that Merlin has returned will finish the job.”

Merlin cast his eyes down and clenched his fists at his side. Arthur had no right to be destroyed by his banishment. If he was so torn, he shouldn’t have ordered Merlin to be killed.

There was the sound of the floors creaking and the door opening, “Speaking of which, I must go see the king. Agravaine will put fear into his heart, and it is the last thing he needs right now. Gwen, I will return tomorrow to speak to you. Be safe.” With that, Gaius left, leaving Merlin with Gwen and Gwaine.

Before the door had closed completely, Gwaine said in a very hushed voice, “Gwen, they know.”

“Know what?”

“About the note.” Gwaine said, and Merlin had to crane his neck to hear what he was saying. What note?

Whatever he was talking about, Gwen knew, “How do you know about that?”

“I overheard Isabelle speaking to Agravaine about it.” Gwaine said, “Did he really write that?” Merlin heard Gwen hum and Gwaine swore, loudly. “What does this all mean? If Arthur really wrote that…”

“You heard Gaius, Gwaine, we cannot be speculating. If we tell Arthur any of this…” Gwen trailed off and Gwaine seemed distracted by the mention of Gaius.

“Why was he here?” Gwaine asked Gwen, “Are you all right?”

“I’m perfectly healthy.” Gwen said, and Merlin heard the sounds of the door opening once more. He was relieved, this spell was suffocating. He felt as if he was drowning in a cloak and with each passing moment his breath was creating an unbearable heat. “You should leave, too. Leon will be noticing your absence. If Morgana is to attack us, you need to be with the knights. Not with me.”

“But—it could be Merlin, Gwen.” Gwaine said, holding his ground. “Do you not care he might return?”

“Of course I do! Merlin was— _is_ my friend. However, that doesn’t change the fact he is with Morgana. She will stop at nothing to kill each and every one of us. She will destroy Camelot, but not if you are there to protect it.” Merlin wondered if she was pushing at his chest. “Now go.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow morning.” Gwaine said, “To see if you’re okay.”

“Gwaine, you’re not my husband.” Gwen laughed and Gwaine chuckled under his breath. Merlin peered around the curtain once more. Gwaine had his head down and his shoulders were shaking from laughter. His smile was big, despite the worries he had.

“You wish I was.” Gwaine said in reply and Gwen smacked him on the shoulder. “Alright, alright, I’m going. Tell me if you see anything.”

“I will.” Gwen shut the door and latched it. She spun around, eyes searching, “Merlin, where are you?”

Merlin lifted the spell and came out from behind the curtain. “I’m sorry, I panicked.” She let out a sigh, “Is it true?” He asked her, “Have you all been feeling differently?”

Gwen blinked, “Some of us, yes. Arthur, while he is quiet most of the time, was more so on the anniversary. Leon looked positively drained, and I was having dizzy spells while speaking to Gwaine. And as funny as it sounds, Gwaine had a terrible sleep.” Merlin swallowed and sat down at the table. “Merlin?” Gwen stepped towards him, “Was it you? Were you causing this?”

Since Merlin was born, he had always been blamed for strange occurrences. Whether it was someone’s food going missing, or a horse being lost, he was blamed. Sometimes it was him. Sometimes it wasn’t. Since being banished, he tried to do nothing foolish to bring attention to himself. He wanted no one to know who he was. Getting into bar fights and challenging men who were twice his size were not good choices. He hadn’t been accused of something like this in a long time.

“No.” He said, “It wasn’t me.”

Gwen sat down next to him, “I need you to be honest with me, Merlin.”

“When have I not?” Merlin was offended, Gwen was speaking to him as if they had just met. As if they hadn’t spent years together as friends.

Gwen stared at him and she opened her mouth, she wanted to say something. But she was too afraid. Merlin knew what she was going to ask. Are you allies with Morgana? Honestly, it was the only question Merlin was expecting to be asked. He thought she would’ve asked the first night he had returned. Perhaps she was afraid of the answer. Merlin knew he would be afraid. Imagine that, your friend—a best friend—joining forces with Camelot’s greatest enemy, Morgana Pendragon. Wouldn’t that be something?

“Morgana…” Gwen finally spoke, “You’re allies… Aren’t you?”

This was it. The moment of truth.

“Yes.”

Gwen sucked in a breath and she turned away. She was crying. “W-Why?” She stuttered out, “Why would you help her? She tried to kill all of us. She would rather see Arthur dead and Camelot in flames than help any of us—”

“She was the only one there for me when Arthur banished me.” Merlin cut her off, “That night, Morgana found me in the woods. I was dying, Gwen. Literally dying. If she hadn’t found me when she did, I would’ve died in those woods and no one would’ve noticed. You all would’ve expected I had disappeared and never came back. Morgana found me and nursed me back to health. I am forever in her debt.”

“That’s it?” Gwen let out a harsh scoff, “You’re only helping her because she saved you?”

“That’s a good enough reason to help anyone.” Merlin retorted, but he shook his head, “It’s only part of why I’m with her. While she brought me back from the verge of death, I helped her defuse her anger. When I met her, she was angry. Each word that came from her mouth was poisoned with hate. With my careful teachings, she learned to direct her anger into her spells. Rather than screaming and letting her magic do what it pleased, she became in control of it.” Merlin leaned back in his chair, “What took me my entire life, she managed to complete in three short years.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, Merlin.” Gwen brought him back to reality. “Why are you with her? How can you betray Ar—I mean, Camelot like this.”

“You don’t know the full story Gwen, Morgana means no harm. While Gwaine and the knights are pissing their pants that Morgana has been seen for the first time in years, Morgana is innocently standing by for my message.” Merlin said and he realised he had said too much. Gwen’s head snapped to him, she looked at him with a bizarre expression. Her eyes said what her mouth failed to, _your message_? “Morgana is aware that I have returned to Camelot. She didn’t like that I was, but she allowed it. While she still hates Arthur with a burning passion, she understands this is something that effects all of us. Including herself. She told me to stay here for two weeks, then send a message, ensuring her that I am safe.”

Merlin knew Gwen could not believe her ears. “This is all so complicated.”

“You do not even know the half of it, Gwen.” He laughed bitterly.

“Then tell me, Merlin. You can trust me.” He can trust her. Merlin knew this to be true. She had yet to reveal to anyone that he was staying in her house. As well, she had not gotten mad at him when he spoke ill of Arthur. When he let his anger get the best of him, and told her of Arthur’s decision to kill Merlin—she had been upset, yes, but she did not hate him afterwards. “Please.”

It pained him to not tell her. He wanted to, he did. He wanted to finally get everything off his chest. But now was not the time. “I want to, Gwen, I do.” He told her, “But I can’t right now. There isn’t enough time.” There never is. Merlin was cut off, the bells chiming outside stopped. The sounds of guards throughout the streets quieted down until there was a complete silence. It didn’t calm Merlin’s nerves. Instead, it caused them to run ramped within him. “Everything is fine. There is nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about?” She hissed, keeping her voice low without the added background noise, it was riskier to speak with normal voices. “Gwaine has just revealed Morgana is in Caerleon. She is near Camelot, Merlin, and she wants Arthur dead. That is a lot to worry about.”

Merlin stood up, “Gwen, you ask me to trust you—and I do. Please, trust me.”

Gwen stared up at him with her big eyes. She was fighting herself, Merlin could tell. Everything she grew up believing, all of her values, were being blown to bits. Merlin felt awful for causing this internal dilemma within her. He knew she was scared for Arthur, everyone in Camelot was. The mere mention of Morgana forced people to throw themselves in front of the king. It was admirable. Right now though, it was frustrating. Merlin was already exhausted with the multiple ‘Arthur will be fine, can we please move on’ statements. All of them had been to Gwen.

“I trust you.” She said, “With my life.”

“Thank you.” He patted her on the shoulder, “I have to go.”

She wanted to argue with him. She wanted to yell and scream, he could see it in her face. There was something about Gwen that made her very easy to read. She knew where he was going. He had mentioned going to see Morgana earlier. It was dangerous, she knew that too. Merlin had to go. Morgana had to be let know that Camelot is aware of her presence. If she goes unaware, she’ll be weak in the face of danger. Whatever Gwen thought of Morgana, she was wrong. Morgana was not the evil woman Gwen once knew. She had changed.

“Please be safe, Merlin.” Gwen stood up, her voice was begging him to stay.

“I will be. I will return before you’ve even notice I’m gone.” He said, Gwen quickly hugged him. She held him tight, to the point Merlin was struggling to breathe. “Gwen…”

“When you return Merlin, you must tell me everything. I cannot handle this secrecy. And you need to tell Arthur you’re back.” She said, her jaw was set tight.

Merlin stiffened, “No.”

“ _Merlin_ , you need to speak to him.” She pulled away from him slightly, she had her hands on his upper arms. “I will never understand the pain you felt during your exile but I do understand what Arthur went through after you left.” She reached up and rubbed his cheek with the pad of her thumb. Merlin leaned into the touch. “I can see it in your eyes, Merlin. You’re unhappy.”

He sighed in defeat and stepped away, “I will see you soon.” She said nothing as he made his way to the door. When his hand hovered over the latch, he remembered Gwaine’s words: _Arthur is moodier than usual, I don’t think I even saw him that day. Typically, he makes his way out of his room to yell at us and then eat. But on that day, I never saw him._

He glanced back at her, a frown on his face, “Did Arthur not celebrate his birthday this year?”

Gwen looked at him, confusion painted over her face. There was a beat, and Gwen crumbled. She covered her mouth as she began to realise what they had done. Arthur’s birthday was the day Uther was fatally wounded, and less than 24 hours later, he died. Arthur’s sudden mood change had nothing to do with Merlin’s return. No one had realised it was the anniversary of the day that was supposed to bring Arthur joy, but instead brought the pain of having everything he held dear ripped away from him.

Merlin opened the door, “I’ll be back.” He whispered out a spell and vanished. Leaving Gwen with her thoughts.

Merlin was thrust into the castle town of Camelot. There weren’t many people in the streets. Those that were out and about were all speculating why the bells had gone off. Not everyone had a Gwaine. It was strange walking through Camelot at night. It had been so long since he was able to wander freely. 

He walked into the square and he wondered if it was habit that brought him there. He found himself looking up at the citadel like he had done so many times before. Against his wishes, his eyes went to Arthur’s bedroom window. He didn’t know what he hoped to see. It was late. Arthur could be asleep. Or he could be in the great hall discussing what to do with Morgana’s arrival. Merlin was about to turn away, when he saw the curtains being drawn away from the glass.

Arthur.

Merlin quickly drew his eyes away and turned on his heel. He left the courtyard with haste, as if his spell would fail and he’d be made visible to the last person he wanted to

* * *

 There was something about Caerleon that brought Merlin’s heart at ease. Perhaps it was the fact he had spent all of his exile here, or that he could be free from the magical ban. Well, not entirely, but King Caerleon didn’t care as much. In all of Merlin’s years in Camelot, he had never gone to Caerleon.

When Morgana had first found him, she was staying in a cave within Camelot’s borders. But with the knights constantly looking for her, Merlin suggested they move. And they did. They found an abandoned castle a few hours from the border, and they have lived there together. He knew it was hard for Gwen to believe, but he and Morgana were truly friends. It wasn’t a case of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’, there was an actual friendship between them.

Morgana knew how it felt to be shunned for having magic. She knew how it felt to be hated by the people you once called family.

Over time, they were joined by other druids and sorcerers alike. Their castle became a home for travelling sorcerers or those who needed safety from witch hunters. No one would dare pick a fight with him and Morgana. People knew who they were. Morgana prided herself in being known. Merlin, on the other hand, hated it.

Merlin let out a sigh and saw his breath cloud in front of him. The nights of spring were brutal. He stepped over a frost covered log and pushed on. He was barely half a mile from where Morgana was set up. It wouldn’t take him long to get there. He should’ve taken a horse. Or at least found an easier way to travel to Morgana, with all of this walking and controlling the invisibility spell he was exhausted.

Half an hour later, he finally crossed the border from Camelot to Caerleon. He approached a camp with fires burning steadily. He lifted the spell and walked towards them. Morgana’s supposed army was a group of bandits who felt they had been wronged by Camelot and Uther Pendragon (and by association, Arthur). As well, there were sorcerers and druids who lived with them who had joined the army. They had a good two hundred men and women. Merlin preferred those with magic to the bandits, the bandits wanted nothing more than to rape and pillage.

As he walked through the camp, many of them whispered amongst themselves at the sight of him. Merlin realised he was wearing the clothes Gwen had given him—Arthur’s clothes. It was an unfortunate mistake on Merlin’s part to have not changed, but there was nothing he could do now. They also whispered about him, because they all knew where he had been. It was no secret that he had gone to Camelot.

He finally reached Morgana’s tent. The two guards in front of the entrance huffed at him, “Let me pass.” He said, raising his head high. “I wish to see Lady Morgana.”

“Who said you have permission to see her?” One of them said gruffly.

Merlin wet his lips and said, “I do, now let me see her.” He pushed past them and entered the tent.

The tent was filled with all of Morgana’s belongings. It almost looked like her bedroom in the castle, but without the canopy bed. There was a large table in the center of the tent, with maps scattered around it, as well as a few spell books and a few platters of food. There was a bed in the very far corner, but it was miniscule compared to the one she left behind. Everything was black—Morgana’s favourite colour.

She wasn’t there.

He turned around and pushed the fabric, “Where has she gone?” He asked the two guards.

“She went for a walk.” Said the second guard.

Merlin sighed and released the fabric, letting it fall shut. He walked over to the chairs scattered around the table and sat down. He tapped his fingers along the oak table. The maps on the table were of all of the kingdoms of Albion. There were some kingdoms that Merlin had never even heard of. Morgana had laughed at him when she learnt that, saying she needed to teach him. And she did.

“Merlin, I love you, I do—but what in the world are you wearing.” Morgana said, and Merlin spun his head around. She had entered from the back of the tent. She wore one of her black gowns, one of the ones with a corset underneath making her petite. Her hair was tangled, as usual, but it was still just how she liked it. Morgana was hauntingly beautiful. Morgana moved closer towards him and she reached out to touch the fabric. The moment her fingers brushed by the cotton, she pulled it back as if burned. “I know these clothes…” She stared at him, her face drawn up in confusion, “These are Arthur’s.”

“I’m aware.” He said, “I meant to change into my own but I had to leave quickly.”

“Why?” She asked, “What possibly could have happened in two weeks that made you wear _Arthur_ ’s clothes?”

Merlin shrugged awkwardly in them, “Gwen gave them to me. She never told me who they belonged to. I knew, though. I did organise Arthur’s things for a good part of my life.”

Morgana raised a brow and sat down next to him, she reached out to grab a bowl of grapes. She pulled a handful from the vine and offered one to Merlin. He shook his head and she shrugged, popping the previously offered fruit into her mouth. “Does Arthur know of your return?”

“No, he doesn’t.” Merlin replied, “Only Gwen and Gaius know.” She did not reply, and instead continued to eat. “The knights know of our presence here. The scouts reported that they saw us both here this afternoon. The entire city was shut down for a while, the warning bells were being rung, too. They were preparing for an attack from you but they soon realised you weren’t moving.”

She smiled, “How funny, they believe you were here. I wonder what they’d think if they knew you were right under their noses.” She reached for more grapes and said, “I am surprised you have not gone to see my brother.”

“I do not want to see him.” Merlin said quickly, “If we could deal with this without having to even let him know would be a blessing.”

She giggled and swallowed a green grape, “You amuse me, Merlin.”  

“I’m glad.” He shook his head, smiling.

“Have you seen him?” She wondered.

“I saw him for a split second. Before I came here. He was in his room.” Merlin said, “That was after I sent Gaius to take care of him. The idiot will fight air if he hears your name and Camelot in the same sentence.” Morgana smirked in satisfaction. “I had been in the courtyard, I glanced up at the citadel and I saw him.”  

“Scandalous, you were spying on the king in his bedroom?” Morgana clicked her tongue, “I knew you couldn’t resist him.”

Merlin sighed, Morgana teased him endlessly about Arthur—it was infuriating. Why could people not understand he did not want to talk about him? Merlin changed the subject, “Has there been any news?”

The playfulness dropped from Morgana’s face and she went serious, “None as of yet. We’re sitting ducks, currently. The only eventful thing to happen since arriving here was seeing the Camelot scouts trembling at the sight of me. We have heard from our allies in Essetir, they had nothing to report.” Morgana cracked her neck absently, “They’re giving us the impression they’re leaving things alone.”

“Do you think they will attack?” Merlin asked her.

“At this very moment?” Merlin nodded, she scoffed, “No.”

“Why?”

“It wouldn’t make sense. I have been at the helm of many attacks against Camelot, and the kingdom is fortified. Its army is stronger than ever. The knights will fight to do the death to protect their king.” Morgana leaned back in her chair, “Camelot must be weak to execute a successful attack. Any attempt would be setting themselves up for failure.” Merlin nodded again wordlessly. He thought back to Gwaine’s urgency. He had come to tell Gwen that Morgana had returned. He had been terrified. His sword had been drawn, he was ready to fight on a moment’s notice. Not only was Gwaine ready to lay down his life for Arthur, but all of Camelot. He had been concerned for Gwen. And Merlin knew if there had been an attack, he would’ve been running house to house to ensure others were safe. If Gwaine was a knight for Uther’s Camelot, he would not do the same.

They were fighting for Arthur. For Arthur’s Camelot.

“Something is bothering you, Merlin.” Morgana said, watching him carefully, “Tell me.”

Merlin laughed for the briefest second. Morgana could see right through him. He had never been a good liar. Still, he lied, “Nothing is bothering me.”

Morgana frowned and threw a handful of grapes at him. “Do not make me force it out of you.”

“I swear to you Morgana, nothing is wrong.” He stood up, “Are my things here?” She nodded and he left the tent without saying another word. He knew she would follow him anyway. His tent was located only a few away from hers. He had given orders to not bring any belongings that couldn’t be replaced, and he was glad to see they had done that. He rummaged through a wardrobe and found a robe. He quickly took off Arthur’s clothes and left them on the floor.

While he was in the midst of pulling the robe on, Morgana walked in. She raised an eyebrow at him and helped him. “You know something.”

Once the robe was over his head, Merlin pursed his lips. “I know nothing.”

She pulled the fabric down harshly, “You are a friend and ally, but I will show no mercy forcing that secret from your mouth.” She smoothed down the navy blue fabric, “Has it something to do with Arthur?”

“No.” Merlin sincerely wished he could crawl into a hole and never come out. Morgana’s eyes were daggers digging into his skull.

She opened her mouth to say more, but the entrance to Merlin’s tent was opened and one of the bandits who had been outside Morgana’s tent entered. “Lady Morgana, there is something you should see.”

Morgana and Merlin shared a look before she followed the bandit out of his tent, leaving Merlin to finish dressing. He reached into his wardrobe and grabbed a neckerchief and tied it around his neck. He combed his fingers through his hair, it was tangled and it probably resembled Morgana’s. He rubbed his face and he decided that once he returns to Camelot, he will shave. The scruff was becoming a nuisance. Once he was done with that, he left to catch up with Morgana.

She was now at the edge of their camp, which was on the top of a hill, and she was looking down at the land before them. Camelot, to be exact. Merlin joined her at her side and only then did the bandit speak.

“They’re assembling an army.” The bandit said, pointing towards the growing crowd across Camelot’s border. “They’ll be waiting for orders to attack, my lady.”

Morgana held her head high, “They would be foolish to instigate a fight. If they were to cross the border, they would be not only starting a war with me but with Caerleon as well.”

“This isn’t the army.” Merlin said, “It’s not big enough. I was in Camelot only hours ago, they couldn’t have organised it that quickly. As well, the king would be there with them. He would let us know he was here, if he were here.” Merlin folded his arms across his chest. “This is to scare us.”

“Hmm.” Morgana stared at the Camelot men, “You are correct, Merlin.”

“What do you want us to do, my Lady?” The bandit did not hide the glare he sent in Merlin’s direction. Merlin sighed in defeat. They would never accept he was Morgana’s right-hand man. They only saw him as a spy for Camelot, and when the moment was right, he’d betray Morgana and throw away everything they had been working towards. That was not the case.

“Set up several troops on the trails in Camelot that lead to here. Pre-emptive strikes are not a possibility I want to consider. If any Camelot soldiers initiate a fight, kill them.” Morgana turned to the bandit, “Is that understood?”

“Yes, m’lady.” The bandit bowed his head then left the pair.

“Do you think that is wise, Morgana?” Merlin asked her, “We do not want to risk starting a war with Camelot this early on.”

“If Camelot starts anything, the blood will be on their hands—not mine.” She kept her gaze on Camelot, “I will protect the people whose lives I am in charge of. Arthur would do the same.”

Merlin cast his eyes down. Morgana and Arthur were no doubt related. When Morgana discovered her magic and was shunned by Uther—and everyone else, she became an angry person. There was no love in her heart. Was… Was Arthur the same? He had lost everything that night. Was Arthur turning into Morgana? Was he turning into the heartless creature Morgana had transformed into? The same creature Merlin took 3 years to destroy. If Arthur was filled with such hatred, it would be impossible to save him. He’d be lost.

Merlin lifted his eyes and he, too, watched the kingdom of Camelot. The men in the field not too far from them were awake. He could barely make out their bodies, but he could see their silhouettes in the shadows of the torches they had lit. He could make out the Pendragon red from where they stood. The dragon stood proudly in the center of the flags they had set up. They were setting up a camp for a prolonged stay.

“I’m growing tired of this game, Merlin.” Morgana broke the silence. He sighed and ignored her. “What is bothering you?”

He wanted to scream and refuse to tell her. He wanted no one to know he was thinking of Arthur, that he was concerned. But, this was Morgana, he had to tell her. Carefully, he spoke, “Arthur’s different.”

Morgana’s breath hitched. “What did you just say?”

“His personality—it’s changing. He’s not Arthur anymore, Morgana. Gwen has said he barely leaves his room. He is continuously staring out his window. He never speaks to her. He doesn’t speak to anyone. He is destructive to himself and people around him. The day after I arrived there, he threw his breakfast across the room only minutes after Gwen had brought it. He picked a fight with both Gwaine and Percival. Gaius said he’s gone mad, and telling him of my return will ‘finish the job’. You cannot even speak to him without his uncle interrupting and adding his own opinion. And Arthur lets it happen. He is not the same Arthur we knew.”

Morgana’s gaze was dark, her chest was heaving heavily. Merlin knew it wasn’t anger. She was worried. She was worried for Arthur.

He was worried too. He could deny it all he wanted but he was terrified for him.

Morgana stepped away from Merlin, and walked closer to the edge of the hill. Closer to Camelot.

“When you first began having the dreams of Camelot up in flames. I suspected they were only nightmares of losing what you once loved. I, too, had dreams like those when I first left Camelot to join Morgause.” Her voice broke at the mention of her sister. “But your dreams were persistent and they didn’t make sense. You only began having them three years after you left… And then the others began to have them. It was no longer a simple nightmare.” She reached in front of her, as if she were touching Camelot, “You are no seer, Merlin. We know that. But your dreams were vivid, even more so than actual seers. Camelot will be destroyed.” She said, and the torches in the Camelot camp flickered. “It is written in the future.”

“I know.” He said.

“And at the center is Arthur.” She turned back to him, there were tears streaming down her face. “It has already begun.”

* * *

“Tell me about Agravaine.” Merlin said as he and Gwen ate dinner one evening. He had been wondering about Arthur’s supposed uncle since he left Morgana and Caerleon.

It had been days since Merlin arrived back in Camelot—with a bag of his own clothes thank you very much. He had stayed a night in Caerleon as it had been far too late to be travelling. The moment the sun could be seen from their tents, he left. Morgana told him she’d stay in touch. She had yet to send him any indication of that. Camelot had calmed down since they spotted her. The bells had yet to chime again, and the guards were no longer anxiously awaiting an attack. They seemed to have acknowledged Morgana was waiting and so they would wait too.

“Agravaine?” Gwen placed her fork down on her plate, “What do you want to know?”

“Who is he?” Merlin asked her, “I’ve heard you all mention him at least once. I told Morgana about him and she knew who he was, too.”

“Agravaine is Ygraine’s brother.” Gwen began, “A long time ago, when Arthur and Morgana were children, he frequented the castle. He was one of Uther’s closest friends, other than Morgana’s father Gorlois. But around the time that Gorlois died and Morgana was taken in as Uther’s ward, Agravaine stopped visiting. Arthur was upset for a while, Agravaine was the last known relative to his mother—other than himself. After Uther’s death, Agravaine arrived and began advising Arthur.”

“Advising him?” Merlin repeated, “He is Arthur’s royal advisor?”

“Not exactly,” Gwen stood up and began collecting their dirty plates. “He makes Arthur’s decisions for him.” Merlin was flabbergasted. “It didn’t start that way. Arthur was in a very dark place after Uther died. There were rumours he was not fit to be king, and Agravaine devoured those. It was as if he had grown stronger from the kingdom’s doubts. Many of us still believed in Arthur—the knights, Gaius and I—but there were whispers… There still are. Arthur eventually took the reins back, but Agravaine has always been in charge.”

“Doesn’t Arthur fight back?” Merlin asked her, “Arthur would never sit still and let people make decisions for him.”

“You do not know this Arthur, Merlin. He is different. Half of the time Agravaine speaks to him, Arthur is off in his own world. It is only when Agravaine calls his name and says ‘Arthur, do you agree?’ that Arthur says yes. He has no idea what he consents to.” Gwen placed the plates down on the counter and she turned back to Merlin. “Arthur may be the king, but he does not rule.” When Merlin groaned at that, Gwen pursed her lips, “I never thought you’d be this concerned about Arthur.”

“It’s not about Arthur, Gwen.” Merlin glowered, “This is about Camelot.”

Gwen didn’t seem pleased with her answer because she rolled her eyes then said, “I’ll be back later.”

The door slammed loudly on her way out.

“ _Well, you upset her_.” Merlin spun his head around and he heard laughter. “ _I’m in Caerleon, you fool_.”

“Morgana?” He whispered, “How can I hear you?”

“ _I am a High Priestess, Merlin, my magic can stretch much farther than Camelot.”_ Merlin huffed, “ _If you were so curious about Agravaine, you could have asked me.”_

"You know who he was in the past, not in the present.” Merlin said and as he did, he cleaned the rest of his and Gwen’s lunch up. “I wanted to hear from Gwen what influence he had on Arthur.”

“ _For someone who_ hates _the ground he walks on, he is the subject of many of your conversations_.” Morgana had a slight giggle to her voice, “ _You’d think you had feelings for—_ ”

"Morgana!” Merlin shouted, “Be quiet.”

She laughed loudly and went silent. Merlin wanted to pull his hair out. Morgana knew him better than anyone. How dare she bring up something he hated about himself? He was not the person he was three years ago. He never will be that person again.

“Merlin!”

Merlin angrily threw his arms up, “Morgana, I am not in the mood!” The table in Gwen’s house flipped upside down and Merlin’s body was tense. His chest heaved with each breath he took, and he looked up, to find the door wide. Gwen stood in her doorway, frightened. “G-Gwen…”

She waved her arm, dismissing the mess, “Agravaine is calling the council together. Gwaine fears it will be the word to begin an assault against Morgana and her forces.”

Merlin’s heart lurched painfully. “I need to be there.”

“How?” She questioned, “You will be caught.”

“I don’t care.” Merlin said, he lifted his hand and the table slowly returned to its place. Gwen had her hands clasped in front of her, “If Morgana is in danger I must warn her.”

Merlin made to pass Gwen, who still stood in her doorway. “Arthur might be there.” She said, quivering. “Both Gwaine and Elyan will tell me everything that happens in the meeting. You do not have to go.”

“I have to.” Merlin rested his hand over her shoulder, “If it means seeing,” his voice broke slightly. “If it means seeing Arthur, it’s worth it. Morgana means more to me than he ever did.”

As Merlin went to leave, “Wait.” She said, stopping him. She went over to her bed and reached under the pillow. She pulled a crumpled piece of paper from it and she crossed the room to hand it to him. “Look at it.”

Hesitantly, he opened the stationary. In the centre of the page, _MERLIN_. He looked up to Gwen, who was gazing softly at the paper. “A maid of Agravaine’s found that in Arthur’s chambers the other day. The ink was still wet and Arthur had gone missing. None of us knew where he went. Agravaine had almost sent out a search party, but Arthur returned on his own. He hasn’t told anyone where he’d gone.”

“Why are you showing me this, Gwen?” Merlin was trembling. Gwen could see that.

Gwen tried to take his hand in hers, to comfort him but Merlin flinched away. “Don’t.” He whispered, he sounded more like a child than an adult. Gwen let her hands drop at her side. Without another second, Merlin conjured the invisibility spell and vanished from the house. He let the letter fall from his grasp and fall at her feet. He left the house without seeing her reaction.

He had to stop doing this. He had to stop letting his emotions get the best of him. This was driving him mad. Is this what being in close quarters with Arthur was going to be like? He wasn’t even sleeping under the same roof, and it was as if he could feel Arthur right beside him. At night, Merlin often thought he could hear Arthur’s thoughts—much like how Morgana could speak to him. Except, they were unintelligible. They were too faint to make out the words, but he knew it was Arthur’s voice. Each passing moment, his connection to Arthur was growing. If he had the chance to cut it, he would.

* * *

Being back in the citadel was bittersweet.

Merlin had always admired the design of it. The stones were smooth under his fingers and the stained windows were gorgeous. It was a work of art. It once brought him comfort to be safe within its walls. Now it was claustrophobic. If he was caught, he’d have no way to escape.

Carefully, he made his way to the great hall where he knew Agravaine would be with the council. When he turned down the hall, the doors were still open. He could hear the faintest voices from within the room.

“I cannot believe he is ordering us to attend this meeting.” Merlin heard, he knew that voice. It was Gwaine. Gwaine turned down the same corner Merlin had with Percival and Elyan in tow. “It’s ridiculous. Can it not wait until the morning?” The three of them were all wearing their chainmail and had their swords holstered at their hips.

“You know Agravaine, he’s dramatic. He likes to put on a show.” Elyan said and both Gwaine and Percival chuckled. Merlin clung to the wall as they passed him, then snuck in. He sidled along the wall to avoid being bumped into any of the council members or knights who were in the room. He found a good spot in the corner of the room and stayed there. It was far enough where he could watch with ease, but close enough that he could hear them clearly.

He wondered briefly who Agravaine was, but his curiosity was fulfilled when a man wearing all black cleared his throat, and all went quiet.

“I thank you all for taking time out of your evenings to join me.” He said from the head of the table. It was a long table, unlike the round table Arthur had mentioned wanting a long time ago.

Agravaine was a tall man, but he wasn’t built like the knights in the room. He was no experienced swordsmen, Merlin could tell by the way he held himself. Agravaine’s hair was chin length, and almost seemed greasy. Which was odd, he’s a noble, he has access to baths whenever he wishes. He also had a sheen of sweat on his face. He had just travelled from somewhere. Merlin could tell.

“I have just returned from the camp our troops have set up near Caerleon.” Agravaine continued, “Morgana has set up a strong hold across the border. She has the workings of an army on her side. She means to commit a full-fledged assault against Camelot.” Merlin furrowed his brow, no she didn’t. That was farthest from the truth. Morgana was there to protect Camelot, not attack it. “We must strike before she does.” Agravaine paused, letting the council murmur amongst themselves.

Merlin glanced in Gwaine’s direction. The knight was whispering in the ear of Percival, who shook his head at whatever Gwaine said. Gwaine scowled at him and turned back to Agravaine.

“At this moment, we have no idea whether or not she has King Caerleon and Queen Annis on her side.” Merlin shook his head, they don’t. While King Caerleon was aware of their presence in his kingdom, he had chosen to keep a blind eye.  “It is safe to assume that they are allies. Which means, we will be facing both Caerleon’s army and Morgana’s.”

“My lord, should we speak of Merlin’s sighting?” A man Merlin didn’t know said this. Merlin glared in his direction, who was he to say they should talk about him?

“Ah, yes, Merlin.” Agravaine said, he sat down in Arthur’s chair and that put a bad taste in Merlin’s mouth. “Merlin is a suspicious fellow. I know next to nothing about him. What I do know, he has been at Morgana’s side throughout all of his exile. I believe he turned to her out of anger towards Arthur.” Merlin saw Gwaine huff at this, and Elyan had to pat him on the shoulder to calm him. “If his powers are anything like Morgana’s, we are faced with two very dangerous enemies. We have seen the extent of Morgana’s powers, with Merlin’s added, it will be chaos if we let them have the upper hand.”

“What do you propose, my Lord?” Asked another council member Merlin didn’t recognise. Who were these people? What had happened to the old council members?

“Well,” Agravaine moved around the table to face the maps they had laid out across the surface. He pointed to a place on the map. Merlin inched towards them, carefully, he was pointing towards Caerleon. “This is where Morgana and Merlin were spotted initially. The scouts have said they have seen Morgana in her camp, but not Merlin since the first day.” Merlin still wondered who it was they saw. “Merlin may already be in Camelot.” Merlin saw Gwaine throw his hands up in the air and though he couldn’t hear him, he saw the words ‘I said that weeks ago!’ fall from Gwaine’s mouth. Both Percival and Elyan slapped him.

“Already in Camelot?” The first unnamed council member said, “Do you mean in the castle?”

“It may be possible.” Merlin wanted to laugh at the silence that fell over the men. “We must question everyone Merlin had been close to prior to his banishment. He may be staying with one of them.”

“Arthur’s maid, Guinevere, was a close friend of Merlin’s.” Merlin turned to a council member that he knew, but for the life of him, he could not remember his name. “Gaius, the court physician was also very close with him.”

“You two,” Agravaine said to two knights near Percival. “Go to Guinevere and Gaius’s chambers. We must ensure Merlin is not hiding.”

Before they could leave, Leon—Merlin hadn’t even noticed his presence—spoke up, “My Lord, I do not think that is necessary. Guinevere and Gaius have always been loyal, there has never been a moment where Arthur has questioned their loyalty to Camelot.”

“It is merely a precaution.” Agravaine said, his tone changing to sweet, “We cannot risk having an enemy like Merlin under our noses.” Leon frowned deeply and it seemed like Agravaine enjoyed his unhappiness. “There is nothing to be concerned about, Sir Leon.” Agravaine waved his hand at the two knights and they left the hall.

“My lord,” another knight spoke up, “What are we to do if we see Merlin or Morgana? Whether it is here in Camelot or in the battle field.”

“Kill them.” Agravaine’s words echoed. Merlin felt almost sick to his stomach.

“Kill them?” The knight repeated, a smirk growing on his face. 

“Yes, if you are given the chance, end their lives. Free us all from their terror. You will become a hero who will never be forgotten.” Agravaine said with a smile and the knight seemed content with that answer. He even glanced in Gwaine’s direction and Merlin saw fire in Gwaine’s glare. “Show no remorse when you do.”

“Excuse me?” Gwaine shouted, Merlin saw Elyan and Percival try to stop him but Gwaine pushed them off. “Show no remorse? Do you know nothing of Merlin?”

Agravaine rested one hand the sword at his side and he sighed in defeat, “Please, tell me.”

“Merlin is braver than every single man in this room. He has put down his life for Camelot more times than any of us. He protected Arthur with every fiber in his being and he would die before letting any harm come to him. If Merlin had to choose to save one person from death, it would be Arthur. He would never attempt to take his life.” Gwaine yelled, Merlin felt pride fill his chest. Gwaine was a dear friend. When Merlin finally made his presence known, he’d thank Gwaine.

“Gwaine, do you fail to remember that Merlin killed Arthur’s father?” Agravaine tilted his head to the side, his gaze darkened. “Merlin murdered the king and you believe he wouldn’t do the same to Arthur?”

Gwaine’s mouth shut, his jaw was screwed tight. “Merlin would never hurt Arthur.”

“I do not believe that.” Agravaine scoffed, “He is allies with Morgana—she has attempted to take Arthur’s life more times than we can count. Isn’t that right?” He turned to the others and they murmured in agreement. “See? Merlin is Camelot’s enemy. He may have been a dear ally to Arthur once, but there is no doubt in my mind, if he had the chance—he’d kill Arthur in cold blood.”

“You’re wrong.” Gwaine said, “You’re in his ear. Telling Arthur what to do, probably wiping his ass too. Where is he right now? You’re holding a council meeting without the _king_. Where the _fuck_ is Arthur?!” 

Merlin let out a breath, he was astonished. Gwaine wasn’t even drunk. This must have been building up for a long time.

"Gwaine…” Agravaine had that tone of a scolding parent.

“No, I’m done with this.” Gwaine said, he tore the gauntlet off of his wrist and threw it to the ground. “A duel,” Gwaine wet his lips, “fight me.”

“Gwaine, I will not fight you.” Said Agravaine, “I understand you were friends with Merlin once, but he has changed. I’m sorry, but my orders are orders. Merlin is to be killed on sight.”

Gwaine screamed, he charged across the room at Agravaine. Agravaine drew his sword and shouted, “Guards! Send him to the dungeons! I will not tolerate this any longer!”

The guards who had been stationed outside of the room stormed in and grabbed Gwaine by his shoulders. They pulled him out of the room kicking and screaming. Merlin felt for him. He knew what it felt like to be torn away from a room with your peers watching you.

When the doors shut and Gwaine’s screams were no longer heard, Agravaine let out a large sigh. “Now that is done with. Let us continue.” Merlin returned to his spot in the corner. He couldn’t risk being any closer to them. “Gwaine reminded me of a very pressing issue we must discuss. And that is Arthur.”

Merlin now turned to Percival, Elyan and Leon to get a reaction. They all had grim expressions.

“Arthur is not well. I’m sure you have all seen him. He is no longer speaking, and when he does it is angry, venomous words. I fear Uther’s death has poisoned him.” Agravaine shook his head sadly, “It saddens me to say, but I do not think he is fit to rule the kingdom.”

The three Merlin had his eyes on all gasped. If Gwaine were still here, he’d be kicking and screaming.

“While I trust in Arthur’s judgement, I do believe it makes sense for me to take over the reign of Camelot. His poor decisions may bring death to the kingdom, I cannot let him do this with a pure conscience.” As Agravaine spoke, one of the councilmen stood up with a piece of paper and a quill in his hand. He walked over to Agravaine and placed the paper in front of him. “I had Thomas,” the councilmen was Thomas Merlin assumed, “Write up this paper. Until Arthur is well, I will be in charge of all concerns regarding Camelot.”

“What?!” Elyan shouted this time, “You cannot do that.”

“You need Arthur’s consent.” Added Percival.

“Arthur is not well.” Agravaine said, taking the quill from Thomas. “A decision must be made.”

“My lord,” Leon was calm compared to Elyan and Percival, “If I may, Sir Elyan and Sir Percival are correct. Arthur must consent to giving you power in Camelot.”

Agravaine was growing frustrated, Merlin could see his chubby fingers tighten around the feather. “I do not want to repeat myself—”

Agravaine was cut off by the large oak doors bursting open. Merlin felt his heart in his throat.

Arthur stormed in. He wore his chainmail, and he looked… He looked as if he were going into war. He also wore his crown. Merlin felt himself begin to tremble at the sight of him.

Arthur was angry. Merlin could see it in his face.

“Uncle, why in the world are there knights destroying Guinevere’s home? You have no right to do so.” Merlin saw Percival and Elyan smile smugly. “She comes to me, in tears, because her home has been ransacked in the dead of night. She was preparing herself for bed and you violated her privacy? And for what? A suspicion Merlin might be here?” At the sound of his name falling from Arthur’s lips, Merlin began to shake. For some reason it frightened him. “Merlin would never dare to come to Camelot. I’d kill him before he had the chance to breathe my air.”

Merlin could no longer breathe. He knew Arthur hated him, never wanted to see him again and wanted him dead but hearing him say it stabbed Merlin in the heart. For so long, Merlin refused to believe Arthur had ordered those knights after him. Arthur was his friend. Yes, Merlin had killed Uther, but Arthur knew it was a mistake. He had been there when it happened. He saw the look on Merlin’s face when Uther drew his last breath. It wasn’t on purpose. But still, Arthur gave Merlin hope he’d be able to live a life in exile then took it away from him by trying to kill him.

Arthur was red faced, angrier than he’d ever seen, and Merlin hadn’t even noticed his sword was drawn. Had he come to fight Agravaine? Or was Arthur simply looking for a fight.

“A-Arthur,” Agravaine spluttered out, “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I never sleep.” Arthur said, the emotion was heavy in his voice and it hit Merlin hard. “Gwen came to me bawling because you ordered my knights to search her house. How dare you? You are not King.” Arthur pointed his sword in his uncle’s direction, and no one, not even the knights who were standing near to Agravaine did anything to stop him.

“Arthur, you are unwell—”

“I. AM. KING.” Arthur roared, silencing everyone in the room, possibly even the entire kingdom.

Merlin could stay there no longer. Arthur’s appearance was overwhelming. He had to leave before he lost control of himself and his magic. Wouldn’t that be funny? All of a sudden, the man that everyone in this room—Elyan, Percival and Leon were exceptions—wanted dead appeared and he was spying on them for Morgana.

When Arthur raised his sword towards Agravaine, Merlin carefully made his way from his spot to head towards the door. The doors were shut, but hopefully by the time he reached it they’d be opened. Perhaps Agravaine would throw Arthur out of the room.

They weren’t open by the time he got there. Arthur was still shouting and Agravaine was trying to backtrack to save himself. Merlin was in danger. He was surrounded by knights, and there was a set of guards on the other side. That is, if they had returned from taking Gwaine to the dungeons. Merlin took in his surroundings. He was standing next to Percival, Elyan had moved to Leon to speak about something while the commotion played out. Merlin gulped heavily. He was about to do something very risky.

He leaned towards Percival, who was significantly taller than him and said, “Open the doors.”

He saw the flash of recognition fall upon Percival’s face. He spun his head around so fast, Merlin thought he broke his neck. Percival stared out at the space where Merlin stood. He couldn’t see him, Merlin’s spell was too strong, he knew it was Merlin though. Percival flickered to the door and he reached for it.

“What are you doing?” Arthur shouted in Percival’s direction, before Merlin could do anything, Arthur was in suddenly very close quarters with him. Merlin had been close to the door to begin with, but with Arthur near him, Merlin was plastered to it. He could feel the heat from Arthur’s body on his. He could feel each puff of breath from Arthur’s mouth.

“I thought I heard something out there.” Percival lied through his teeth, “Sorry, sire.”          

Arthur had went to say something, something scathing probably but he stopped. Merlin watched him carefully. Arthur became very pensive, for a second, he looked up at Merlin. It was as if he knew he was there. Arthur was staring right into his soul. Merlin felt extremely vulnerable.

Arthur turned away suddenly, and said, “Well go investigate.” Percival nodded and opened the door. The moment there was enough room to fit, Merlin ran from the hall. He ran through the citadel, his heart was pounding uncontrollably. His magic was sparking in every which direction. He could see in the corner of his visions he was setting of torches that had gone unlit. He sped into the courtyard, falling to the ground and gasping for air. He rolled onto his back and clutched his chest.

He had to leave Camelot.

An itch under his skin begged to be scratched. It had increased considerably when Arthur was in arms reach. He wanted to touch Arthur. He wanted to feel him under his hands—but he couldn’t. Never again. Merlin jumped up and he made the decision to leave. He would never return here. He would leave without saying goodbye to Gaius and Gwen. He would see them again, but not now. He couldn’t handle seeing them after what he’s heard, what he’s seen Arthur do.

Merlin did that. He left the castle and the town without turning back. It was only when he was outside the walls that he realised he was sobbing. He fell into the long blades of grass and cried. In doing so, the spell lifted and he was no longer invisible. He didn’t care.

_I’d kill him before he had the chance to breathe my air._

Merlin screamed and screamed. He knew he was being heard by the guards at the gate. He knew they’d catch him. Merlin knew a lot of things. He thought he had grown wiser in the years he had been gone. He hadn’t.

“You there!” A guard finally called out to him. Merlin sat up, face sticky with tears, the guard was a shadow in the darkness of the night. “What are you doing? Come here.” The guard motioned for him to approach him. Merlin laughed and stood up, “Something funny, eh?”

“Can you do something for me?” Merlin asked, feeling his magic crackle within him. The guard seemed puzzled by this request, “Say hello to Arthur for me.” He flung his hands towards the guard and he went flying backwards. With that, Merlin ran.

He could hear them shouting for someone to follow him. They weren’t stupid. They knew it was him. Agravaine was probably being told Merlin had been spotted outside the walls, and Arthur was probably being spoon fed the news.

Once he was in the forests surrounding Camelot, he fell against the soft dirt. He closed his eyes and finally felt peace. He had caused havoc, he was a destroyer—he was no better than Arthur.

“ _Merlin, what did you do?_ ” Morgana’s voice was heard, “ _I’m coming to find you_.”

“N-No,” his voice was breathy, he felt himself falling asleep. “Don’t.”

* * *

When Merlin woke, he found himself drenched from the steady rain falling from the sky. He laid there for a while. Soaking in the rain drops falling against his skin. It was peaceful. It was enchanting. He hadn’t felt this way since that night. It had been one of the coldest days in Camelot. But, Merlin had been warm. Oh so warm.

“ _Merlin_.” Morgana interrupted his thoughts, “ _Are you awake?_ ”

“Yes.” He sighed, “What is it?”

 _"The Knights are heading to Caerleon._ ” Usually, she’d be happy about that. She loved a good battle. But her voice seemed strained. “ _Merlin, they know you were in Camelot_.” Merlin snorted, and sat up. He brushed the dirt and leaves off of him. He stood up as Morgana asked, “ _What did you do, Merlin?_ ”

Merlin ignored her and he began walking towards Caerleon. If he walked fast, he could reach there before the knights. He could stop the war before it begins. As he walked, Morgana continued to talk, “ _Has this something to do with Arthur?_ ” He shook his head, “ _You know what is at risk you cannot let your emotions get in the way of that. I know you and my brother have a past together, anyone with eyes can see that. But whatever went on back then, isn’t what is happening now. It never will again. It’s the harsh truth._ ” Merlin squeezed his fists at his side. “ _The entire world relies on you being level headed. Falling into old habits with Arthur will only result in death._ ”

Merlin stepped over a log and kept walking. He wasn’t falling back into old habits. Merlin will never let himself fall back down that hole. It was poisonous to his health. It only brought him strife, and none of it had never been worth it. “It isn’t worth it.” He said, but Merlin couldn’t say the words seriously. He was lying to himself.

Half an hour later, Merlin realised Morgana had gone quiet. He hadn’t even noticed. He was so busy ignoring her that when she went silent, it didn’t affect him. He was still miles from Caerleon. He hoped the knights were behind him. If they were, he had the upper hand. If not, he had no way to stop the war.

“ _Merlin._ ” Morgana finally spoke up again.

"Yes?” He replied.

 “ _They’re almost here_.”

In record time, Merlin reached one of the paths Morgana had mentioned to the bandit. The knights would take this path to Caerleon. He jumped up a ledge and hid behind a tree. He would look out for them here. He looked to his right, towards that way—Morgana and his troops were hiding in the trees. He looked to his left, the Knights of Camelot would be arriving. He had no idea what he was going to do to divert them. 

 _"Merlin, you must stop them when they arrive_.” Morgana broke the silence once more, “ _If they cross the border, I am powerless. They will be declaring war on us and Caerleon_.”

“What am I to do?”

“ _I haven’t the foggiest idea.”_ She said, “ _Just stop them.”_

“Thanks for that advice, Morgana.” He drawled and she giggled loudly, then went silent. Merlin made himself comfortable behind the tree. He had no idea when the knights would be arriving. He had no idea what he was going to do. They knew he was in Camelot, should he let them know he was here? He reached down and pulled a few blades of grass up from the earth. He blew them from his hand and they caught the wind. He watched past the tree and watched as they flew to the left towards Camelot.

It was late afternoon now. While Merlin’s running had seemed fast, it still took him hours to reach Caerleon. Merlin briefly wondered how long it would take for them to arrive.

Just then, as if on cue, he heard voices. Some he recognised, some he didn’t. It was the knights. Slowly but surely, Merlin was able to see them. They all wore their garb and were chatting amongst themselves. Merlin could see Percival, Elyan and Leon—who was at the head of the pack. Gwaine was not there, he was still in the dungeons, probably shouting up a storm.

The knights grew closer and closer to the invisible border separating themselves from Morgana’s bandits. Merlin could hear the bandits preparing to attack. He hesitated. Should he really stop the fight? What else could he do?

It all seemed to go in slow motion. It was Leon that crossed the line first, then there was shouting. The bandits made their ways from the top of the trees onto the path. Leon was unsheathing his sword, yelling for the other knights to do the same. Merlin couldn’t move. He watched as the bandits charged at his friends. He was rooted to the ground.  

“ _Merlin.”_ Morgana’s voice cut through the chaos, “ _Do something._ ”

This wasn’t about Arthur. This was about Camelot. His home. The place he had lived in for a good majority of his life. Where Gaius lived. Where Gwen grew up. The place where Gwaine and Percival found their purpose in life. The kingdom Lancelot died for.

This was for Camelot.

With a giant leap, he jumped down before the bandits and Leon could initiate the fight. Silence fell over the forest. Merlin’s back was to the knights, and the bandits were frozen in their tracks.

“Leave.” He said to them.

“You cannot order us around.” A bandit said, he had been in the lead, and Merlin knew him to be the leader. “Only the Lady Morgana can order us.”

“Lady Morgana is not here right now. That means, I am in charge. You will leave this battle and return to Caerleon. If you do not do so, Morgana will come here—and you really don’t want that to happen.” The bandit glared at him, then looked back to the knights behind Merlin. “You heard me. Leave. Do not make me force you.”

The bandit spat at the ground near Merlin’s feet and he yelled out to his men. “You will never be our leader.” The bandits left the path and Merlin waited until all of them were out of sight before turning around.

After three long years, he was finally seen. Leon had this strange look about him. His mouth was open, but he wasn’t gaping. He lowered his sword until the point touched the dirt beneath their feet. Merlin could see Elyan let out a breath and smile, though it was a small smile. Percival seemed to realise it had been Merlin who spoke to him the night before in the great hall.

A knight, one Merlin didn’t know but he knew to be in the hall, stared at them all in disbelief. He drew his sword and he went to charge at Merlin—“No.” Merlin felt fear strike him. Through the middle of the crowd of knights, there was a movement. The crowd cleared until Merlin could see who had spoken.

But he didn’t need to see them to know.

Arthur.

Arthur stepped towards Merlin, and the moment seemed to stretch on for centuries. The knight was about to argue with Arthur, he was going to remind Arthur of the orders Agravaine had given them the night before.

 _Kill them_.

The knight did speak, “Sire—” Arthur reached out, putting the palm of his hand over the knight’s chest. His eyes were fixed on Merlin. Nothing was going to drag them away.

“Don’t.” 


	4. The Coldest Day in Camelot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a late update! I had quite a hard time writing this chapter. At some points, he does get confusing where Merlin's heart lies. But he is very confused right now. On one hand, he wants to return to his old life in Camelot with Arthur and everyone else--but on the other hand, he has a job to do with Morgana and he cannot lose sight of that mission. In this chapter, you get a glance at how his and Arthur's lives were before the banishment fiasco. And then finally, they speak to each other! I hope you enjoy!!

Merlin was frozen to the bone. The rain fell against him at a steady pace, it had yet to cease and it seemed as if the skies were weeping. They wept for him. As if they knew that seeing Arthur again, like this, was the hardest thing he’d ever been through. The sky was sobbing with pity.

Arthur’s hand was still pressed to the disgruntled knight’s chest, and the knight was visibly upset. He was angry Arthur had stopped him from gaining his eternal glory. The knight looked to the others. All of them were in shock that the Merlin, the man who killed the king, was standing there in the flesh.  

The knight pointed towards Merlin and broke the silence, “He murdered the king and he should pay for his crimes.” A few others murmured in agreement, “Lord Agravaine gave us an order and we should see it through!”

“And Arthur is your king.” Leon said, stepping forward towards the knight and Arthur, “You take your orders from Arthur and not Lord Agravaine. It would be wise to remember that, Guy.” Guy, the knight, frowned deeply in Leon’s direction. Arthur ignored the conversation between the two and kept his eyes only on Merlin.

It was frightening to Merlin, he hadn’t seen any of these men in 3 years—other than the small encounter the night before—it was like he’d been thrown into the past. Merlin knew that with he’d have to make his presence known to them eventually, but this was too soon. He hadn’t prepared himself enough to speak to Arthur. He would never be prepared.

Slowly but surely, Arthur dropped his hand from the knight’s chest and he made his way towards Merlin. It was as if time was going in slow motion. Merlin’s breathing picked up and his heart began to pound against his rib cage. With each passing moment, Arthur came closer to him and Merlin had to stop it. He couldn’t let himself get distracted, “You should all leave.” He said remembering that he had just saved them all from starting a war with _the_ Morgana Pendragon. This made Arthur stop in his tracks. Merlin gulped and stuttered out, “T-Those bandits will be heading to Caerleon to tell Morgana—”

Merlin was cut off by Arthur who shook his head and said, “That doesn’t matter.” Everything around Merlin had stopped. He did not care about anything else in the world except Arthur’s words, _that doesn’t matter_. What did that mean?

A knight, a different one from before, tried to take charge and run at them both to fulfill Agravaine’s orders. Without blinking, Arthur spun around and unsheathed his sword. He pressed the blade to the man’s neck and said, “You will leave him unharmed. Is that understood?” The knight and all of the others, including Leon, Elyan and Perceval nodded. Arthur pushed the knight back and they stumbled over their feet, falling to the ground with a thud.

Arthur turned back to Merlin and he felt even more vulnerable. There was that look on Arthur’s face. The look that Merlin had all the answers and yet, Merlin knew none of them. Not right now. He hadn’t had them for three years.

Arthur reached out slowly, he was going to grab Merlin’s arm. Merlin could do nothing but watch as Arthur’s fingers brushed by his rain soaked sleeve. Years ago, Merlin would’ve been blushing and breathless from the mere touch of Arthur’s fingers against his body, but his attention was taken elsewhere. He heard the sound of a tree rustling from the distance and he spotted an archer in the trees—it was one of Morgana’s men.

“Merlin, I—”

The archer shot an arrow and Merlin heard it fly through the air. Without thinking, he grabbed Arthur and pushed him to the ground. He threw up his hand and cast his magic. The archer screamed and fell from his post, and Merlin felt relieved. The danger was gone, however while Morgana would be pleased he saved Arthur’s life, she’d be angry with him that he used his magic against their own people.

By the time he acknowledged his surroundings and the fact he had just used magic around men who hated him for that—he was being thrown to the forest’s muddy floor by several knights. He could feel a knee digging into his back and his arms are twisted around. He could hear his joints being pulled from their sockets. He shouted out in pain, asking what he had done wrong. In the midst of the chaos, one of the knights, probably Guy, grabbed the back of his head and turned it.

Arthur was on the ground unconscious with Leon hovering over him, “Sire?” He heard Leon ask, “Arthur, can you hear me?” What was going on? Why was Arthur on the floor—and then Merlin saw it. The arrow Merlin had tried so hard to avoid was lodged into Arthur’s back. Only the fletching could be seen and Merlin feared the shaft had broken inside of the king.

Guy leaned down and whispered in his ear, “You killed the king.” Suddenly everything that had brought Merlin to this point came flashing back. Uther’s death, revealing his magic, joining Morgana and living his life without Arthur. It was as if he was reliving the night he ruined his life.

He screamed.

He screamed until he couldn’t scream anymore. All the while Guy kept his head pointing towards Arthur laying limp on the ground with Leon—now accompanied by Elyan, Perceval and a few others.  Merlin could do nothing but watch as they tried to tend to Arthur’s wound. They needed to save his life.

“I-I can save him.” Merlin said, “I can save him.” Merlin hadn’t even realised he was crying until he heard his voice break. “Please, I can—” The last thing Merlin can remember before everything went to black was a sharp pain to his head and Arthur being carried away.

* * *

The next thing Merlin knew, he was half asleep on the back of a horse and he was blindfolded. The pain in his head was excruciating, he hadn’t felt this bad in a while. With each step the horse took, a sharp pang shook him to his very core. Whatever had hit him back there must have been very hard. Perhaps it was a stone—or a tree trunk.

He could hear voices around him but they were muffled by the cloth around his head. Or it was the pain in his head. He had no idea. He could feel the rain falling against his back like sharp bullets. The temperature had dropped. Evening was probably upon them now. If he was being moved by Arthur’s men, they were heading to Camelot, and it will be late into the night when they finally reach the castle.  

Merlin nuzzled his head into the horse’s neck, and he was overwhelmed by a familiar smell. He breathed in heavily and he couldn’t put his finger on it. It brought him comfort. He wanted to wrap himself up in this smell. It reminded him of when he was younger, his mother and him would share a bed during the coldest winter nights. Then later, he and Will would go exploring in the forests and get lost in the dead of night. They’d share a blanket and stay awake the entire night. It was the calmest Merlin had ever been.

Merlin’s thoughts were interrupted when he felt something touching his back. He wasn’t awake enough to do anything but flinch at the sensation. Whoever it was felt him move. After a moment, and Merlin had relaxed, the hand began rubbing up and down his back. It was then that Merlin realised someone had thrown something over him. He had been wearing a thin robe, since it was quite hot for the spring, and it seemed like there was something separating their hand from his back.

Softly, they rubbed up and down his spine. He wanted them to never stop. Their hand was easing every muscle in his body. He hadn’t even noticed the pain in his head since they began. He felt himself nodding off.

Merlin thought back to the last time he’d felt this at ease. When he didn’t care what would happen in the world. He was safe. This smell had been around too. What was it? What was this memory? He could vaguely make it out. He had been warm, and more content than he had been in his entire life. The sun had been peering into his eyes and it had woken him from his slumber.

Suddenly, Merlin felt himself falling from the horse and hitting the hard ground. The voices he had been hearing were gone, and he couldn’t even hear the hooves of the horse against the mud.

Merlin could, however, hear someone calling his name. It was distant and too far away to place who it was. He could tell it was a man, and it was a familiar voice, but that was all he had.

It seemed he was laying on a soft mattress. He stretched out his hands beside him and his fingers plunged into the mossy earth. For a moment he wondered how there was moss beneath him, when the last thing he knew, he had been in the mud. He lolled his head to the side and he could spell the fresh summer air. But that only confused him further: it was spring.

“Merlin?” He heard his name again and he wanted to call out to whoever it was. He _knew_ that voice. “Merlin!” The voice was growing closer. They were nearby. “I’ve found him!” The voice called out and Merlin furrowed his brow. Found who?  

Merlin felt a pair of hands cup his cheeks and his head was being lifted up off the mossy ground. “Merlin?” He knew this voice, he hadn’t heard it in years. He hadn’t heard it since Camelot. “Merlin, can you hear me?” He hummed and cracked his eyes open. The blindfold had made his eyes extremely sensitive, the light coming from the trees above him was blinding. He squinted and held up his hand, shielding his face from the light. He heard a laugh from above him.

Merlin _knew_ that laugh. He missed that laugh. He hadn’t heard it in three and a half years.

It was Lancelot.

“Lancelot?” Merlin furrowed his brow, and the man in front of him – Lancelot – nodded slowly. What in the world was going on? The last Merlin had checked, Lancelot died when he sacrificed himself in Arthur’s place. Merlin witnessed him die. He was at his funeral. “Y-You’re alive?”

Lancelot, who was in his knight’s garb, laughed and said, “Of course?” Lancelot reached out to help Merlin stand. Once Merlin was on his feet, Lancelot grasped Merlin’s shoulder, “What do you remember?”

Merlin couldn’t exactly tell him what had just happened. Merlin found himself saying, “I don’t know.”

Lancelot gave him a small smile and then looked away from him, “Arthur!” He called out and Merlin was struck with fear. Arthur was here? Does that mean he wasn’t shot with the arrow? The pain in Merlin’s head wasn’t there either. He reached up and his hand stopped halfway up. His hair was short. Unless someone had cut his hair without him knowing, something was seriously wrong. “He’ll be here soon,” Lancelot said, “Gwaine twisted his ankle and he needed tending to. We managed without you. You know Gwaine, though, he was acting as if it was broken in eighteen places.” Merlin found himself laughing at that.

“Merlin!” Merlin turned and he saw Arthur running towards him. He had his sword in his hand, and he too was wearing his armor. He dropped the sword once he grew close enough and he embraced Merlin. He hugged him tight and Merlin’s mind was reeling. He had so many questions going through his mind. Against his own wishes, he felt his arms move to hug him back and he found that Arthur was extremely tense. He glanced over at Lancelot, who had turned away and was staring off into the trees allowing Arthur and him to have their privacy.

When Arthur pulled away, he reached up and cupped his neck. The thoughtfulness in Arthur’s bright blue eyes stirred something deep in Merlin’s stomach. And it was in that moment, Merlin knew what was happening.

When Merlin was younger, he had a tendency to dream his memories. They had always been insignificant – reliving playing in the forest with Will, making soup with his mother – nothing super important. Every so often, if Merlin was missing Will more than usual, he’d dream of the forest. It was a surreal sensation. While Merlin was an adult now, in his dreams, he was in the body of his seven year old self, and he was living within the past for the duration of his dream.

In these dreams of Merlin’s, which he blamed his magic for, he couldn’t go against what actually happened in his memories. It was as if he was a prisoner in his own body, and his body was making decisions for him.

Three and a half years ago, Merlin made the decision to change his life forever. It was before Uther’s death, and before anyone knew of his magic. At this point in time, if his memory served him right, they were still searching for Morgana. She hadn’t been seen in months after she disappeared from the rubble in the throne room. Arthur was on a wild goose chase, and all of the knights were forced to follow him around the world to look for her. Meanwhile, Uther was away in Camelot, in a deep and dark depression. Arthur was making all of the decisions though he wasn’t king.

Things in this time were very tense. And yet, everything was calm when he was with Arthur. There were the soft smiles and the tender touches—and at this point, nothing had come of it. Not yet.

Lancelot knew, obviously. Lancelot knew everything about Merlin. He knew his magic, he knew all of his secrets; it made sense for him to know about him and Arthur.

Arthur wet his lips and said, “We’ve been searching for you for hours.” Arthur whispered low enough for Lancelot to not hear. “Are you okay?”

Merlin found himself saying, “Yes, I’m fine.” Arthur rubbed his jawline slowly with his thumb. Merlin leaned into the touch. He had no idea how long he stood with Arthur’s arms around him and his arms still around Arthur.

The moment was broken with Lancelot clearing his throat and saying, “Gwaine and the others are returning.” As if burned, Arthur jumped away and went to retrieve his sword from where he had thrown it. Merlin found himself saddened. He wasn’t sure whether it was the memory of him feeling sad, or if it was his own sadness at being let go. Arthur left him and Lancelot to go see the others as they arrived and Lancelot came to Merlin’s side. “I’m sorry. I know how you are.”

Merlin gulped heavily, “It is fine.” Lancelot patted him on the back and kept his hand on his shoulders. Merlin looked ahead of them and Arthur met up with the other knights. It was the usual group: Leon, Perceval, Gwaine and Elyan, with the addition of Lancelot. Perceval was carrying Gwaine like a damsel in distress. They were all smiling in Merlin’s direction. Gwaine even waved at him. “What happened?” He asked his friend.

Lancelot dropped his hand from Merlin’s shoulder, “Do you remember nothing?” Merlin shook his head. “We were searching for Morgana, you and Arthur got into an argument,” Merlin smirked – well, Merlin felt like he had smirked, his actual expression remained solemn. Of course he and Arthur had gotten in an argument. They were always arguing at this point, the stress of being prince to a kingdom with a dying king was taking a toll on Arthur. And so, he took it unintentionally out on Merlin. “Arthur told you he didn’t need your help and you stormed off. I went to join you but we heard something off in the distance. We all assumed you’d be okay. It was a witch in the forest. Arthur thought it was Morgana. She attacked us and we ran. Gwaine tripped over some rocks and twisted his ankle. It was completely his fault, he keeps blaming the witch.”

“What happened to the witch?” Merlin asked, Lancelot sighed loudly and shrugged.

“She ran off towards where you had been. Arthur was panicking. He sent us to go find you.” Lancelot patted Merlin’s shoulder again, “Are you sure you remember nothing? Perhaps the witch cursed you.”

“I think I’d remember that, Lancelot.” Merlin chuckled, but Merlin was shaking in his boots. He remembered this vividly. When Lancelot woke him in the forest originally, he had no memory of the events that occurred. It was only much later that he learned that he had been cursed. The witch, who wasn’t Morgana, had been trying to kill him.

“Yeah. I suppose.” Lancelot said, and they had reached the others.

Gwaine had one arm around Perceval’s neck and with the other he continued to wave at Merlin. “We thought you had died, or something.” Gwaine had said and Perceval nodded his head in agreement. “Did you see the witch?”

“No.” Merlin replied, “I honestly have no idea what you’re all talking about.” Merlin glanced over to Arthur who was biting his lip worriedly.

“It’d be best to have Gaius take a look at you when we get back.” Said Leon, perhaps noticing the anxiousness in Arthur as well. “Something happened to you between the time you left us and when Lancelot found you.”

Merlin nodded, and inside, he knew what had happened. He wanted to tell them he knew exactly what had happened, of course he can’t. If he was allowed to actually speak rather than let his memories play out as they had, he may mess with something. These dreams were caused by his magic, he had no idea whether or not they could change his past and subsequently, the future.

If he could, he wondered for the briefest moment, would he do that? Would he change his future?

“Let us head back to Camelot.” Arthur sighed, “It’ll be night soon.”

“Why are you in such a rush?” Elyan asked, it was the first time Merlin had heard his voice in this dream. He hadn’t heard Perceval either, but that wasn’t a surprise. Perceval, in the past at least, had been very quiet. Unless he was drunk or with Gwaine.

Arthur shrugged, “We didn’t bring any dinner and I’m hungry.” As the prince spoke, they all began walking in the direction of Camelot. Merlin had always thought it funny when the knights questioned Arthur’s decision, and yet, they followed them without any actual defiance.

“We could always hunt.” Gwaine said, “Well, not me because of my broken—” Perceval cut Gwaine off by clearing his throat, forcing Gwaine to correct himself. “ _Sprained_ ankle but you can all find Merlin and me a good deer for dinner.” Everyone, including Merlin, laughed.

“Perhaps Arthur has a lady waiting for him.” Leon said as he joined in on the teasing, “I believe her name rhymes with Swen.”

Gwaine peered behind Perceval to look at Leon, “That was a terrible rhyme.” Leon laughed and shook his head. “But I believe you’re onto something. Is he right, Arthur? Are you missing Gwen?” Arthur ignored him.

Arthur was at the head of the pack, with Perceval (and Gwaine) not too far behind. Elyan was behind them with Leon, and he had a grimace on his face as if he knew this conversation could go south fairly quickly, it was his sister they were talking about after all. Merlin was joined by Lancelot at the very back. Neither of them were keen on joining in on the chat. Lancelot, because he still had feelings for Gwen, and Merlin… Well, because he couldn’t.

Merlin could remember this part of the memory vividly. The moment Gwen’s name fell from Gwaine’s lips, Merlin felt a sharp pain in his chest. It was like an icicle being slowly driven into his chest with a bucket of ice pouring over his head. He felt himself begin to shiver, despite it being quite a warm summer day.

“I’m hungry. That’s it.” Arthur said tiredly, he glanced back at them all, “Can you hurry up please?”

“Someone’s eager.” Said Gwaine, continuing the jest, “What are you hungry for, Arthur?” Only Leon and Perceval laughed at that.

“Let me remind you: Gwen is my sister.” Elyan finally said, “Could we change the subject? Please?”

Gwaine glared at him and said, “I’m injured. Stop ruining my fun.” He turned back to Arthur, “We’re your brothers, Arthur. Just tell us.”

Arthur spun around, “Yes, I miss her.” He was breathing heavily, “We’ve barely been gone a day and I miss her. I want to go back so I can see her because I might even love her. Is that good enough for you, Gwaine?” Everyone had stopped in their tracks at that. “Can we continue?” Arthur spun on his heel and kept walking.

Merlin saw Gwaine frowning, realising his pestering had gone too far. He also saw Lancelot paler than usual. Merlin knew Lancelot still loved Gwen. He would never stop loving her. Merlin would’ve paid more attention to everyone else, but he suddenly fell to the ground, shaking.

Lancelot was at his side immediately, “Merlin? What’s wrong?” Arthur was also at Merlin’s side in record time. Arthur tore off his glove and pressed his hand to Merlin’s cheek. “What is it?” Lancelot asked him.

“He’s freezing.” Arthur said and the others around them looked at each other in puzzlement.

“That can’t be, it’s boiling.” Lancelot took off his glove as well and the moment his hand touched Merlin’s skin, he pulled it away. “We must get him to Gaius.” Arthur nodded wordlessly and helped Lancelot stand Merlin up. Lancelot, rather than Arthur, picked him up and carried him.

While this was going on, Merlin’s thoughts were unaffected by all of this. He had lived this once before. He had never noticed before how fast Arthur had come to his aid. Lancelot’s help was no surprise, he had been walking next to him. But Arthur had been a good few meters away.

Merlin’s eyes closed and he suspected that might be the end of the dream. He expected to wake in the muddy forest, left behind by the knights of Camelot while they returned to the kingdom with a gravely, possibly dead, Arthur. But instead, when his eyes reopened he found himself in his chambers with Gaius at his side.

“There is nothing physically wrong with you, Merlin.” Gaius was seated on a small stool next to Merlin’s bed. “However, you are chilled to the bone and I haven’t the foggiest idea why.” He stood up and walked across Merlin’s room. “Lancelot told me you were found by him unconscious in the forest.”

“I don’t remember anything.” Merlin said before Gaius could ask, “I don’t even remember arguing with Arthur beforehand.”

Gaius hummed and he began pacing in front of Merlin’s bed. “I fear you may have had a spell cast upon you.” Merlin sometimes forgot how wise Gaius was. Gaius’s knowledge was more advanced than any other in all of Camelot, possibly even Albion. The day Merlin reaches Gaius’s age, he will only have learned a fraction of what Gaius knows. “There is no way of telling, I’m afraid.” Gaius said, bringing Merlin out of his thoughts. “I suppose we will have to wait and see what comes of this.” Merlin relaxed himself as much as he could with the occasional shiver. “You must rest.” Gaius picked up his things from beside Merlin’s bed, and he began to leave the room. He stopped in his doorway and turned back around, “Arthur has given you tomorrow off.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, “Who will work in my place?”

“I have no idea. Gwen, I suppose.” Gaius said and then bid him goodnight. Merlin laid back down, his chest hurting once more and the shivers increasing in intensity. Merlin reached out and picked up the candle at his bedside. He blew out the flame and laid down. He fell asleep to the sounds of Gaius working in the other room. The moment Merlin in his dream fell asleep – as odd as that sounds – he woke up just as quick. This time, he wasn’t in his room but he was wide awake in Arthur’s chambers with Arthur staring at him expectantly.

A few days must have gone by in between these memories. Merlin couldn’t place why he was in Arthur’s room, but Arthur looked at him with an exasperated expression and he seemed to be waiting for something.

“Well?” Arthur said, he had his hands on his hips and an eyebrow raised.

Merlin blinked, “W-What was the question?”

Arthur threw his hands up in the air and walked away from him. Slamming the door shut behind him, leaving Merlin alone in the prince’s bedroom. He sighed and went over to Arthur’s table to organise his papers. Merlin couldn’t recall what Arthur had asked, he didn’t know whether it was that he couldn’t actually remember or if it was the dream that was making him forget.

“Merlin?” He heard from behind him, he turned and found Gwen standing in Arthur’s doorway. Since the war and Uther’s depression, Gwen had taken it up as her responsibility to see to Uther’s well-being. She knew Arthur was extremely busy, he had more responsibilities than to be constantly checking in on his father. He trusted in Gwen to take care of the king. She never asked for any payment and Merlin admired her for that. “Arthur asked me to come speak to you.”

Merlin’s pursed his lips, “Why?”

Gwen let a laugh fall past her lips and she entered the room, shutting the door softly behind her. She approached him and she placed both hands on his arms. “You _have_ gotten quite skinny.”

“Have?” Merlin subtly pulled himself away from her hands, “What do you mean?”

Gwen opened her mouth and then shut it. Then again, “S-Some maids were telling me they’ve noticed you haven’t been eating.” She was lying, Merlin knew this. Much later, he learned that Arthur had been taking notice in Merlin’s eating habits—or lack thereof. Arthur mentioned this to Gwen, and along with the fact Merlin was still shivering from time to time in this sweltering summer. Arthur requested Gwen order several sweaters to be made for Merlin but to say nothing of it to Merlin.

She was here to get his size, Merlin had never had anything made by the royal seamstresses. All of his clothes had been brought with him from Ealdor, and some of them had been resized by Gaius of all people.

“Where is Arthur?” Merlin asked, thinking that Arthur wouldn’t like it if he found them in his room.

“He’s training.” She said, “Now go over there.” She pulled a measuring string from her pocket and the process began. The entire time, Merlin found himself shivering more than usual. He could feel Gwen’s worried eyes on him as he shook. She spoke of her worries, “We’re all concerned.”

“About what?” He asked as she measured his waist.

“Your illness.” She dropped her arms at her side. “You’ve been shaking since you all returned weeks ago. You’ve started to lose weight. You can see it in your cheeks.” She reached up and cupped his cheek. “I’m worried about you, Merlin.” Her hand was cold against his skin. Truth be told—if Merlin could recall— since the afternoon in the forest, Merlin hadn’t felt warm. Even the warmest of blankets couldn’t defrost his skin. “You’re positively freezing.”

“I’m fine, I promise Gwen.” Merlin smiled softly, “Gaius said it will be over soon. He thinks it’s a digestive problem.”

She smiled right back and rubbed his cheek bone with the pad of her thumb, “I do hope you get better soon. It hurts me to see you so weak. When Lancelot carried you into the castle that evening, I was so frightened. I thought you had died.” Her worry reminded Merlin of the night when he was banished. “I never had a chance to ask if you were all right, both Lancelot and Arthur were gone just as fast as they had arrived.”

Merlin sighed and said nothing in reply. Gwen removed her hand and finished measuring Merlin’s waist. She wrote down the measurements on a piece of paper and as she lifted the quill from the parchment, the doors opened. Arthur walked in with Leon in tow, Leon was reading out a letter to him and Arthur was listening intently.

They both stopped at the sight of Merlin and Gwen standing in the center of the room. “Oh, I forgot you were both in here.” Leon looked at the prince in confusion. “Please, continue with… Whatever you were doing.”

Merlin glanced at Gwen in confusion and then back at Arthur, “I thought you were training.”

Leon chuckled at that and was about to argue but Arthur cleared his throat, quieting him. “We were training. We had to stop because I had received a letter from King Rodor of Nemeth. He has told us his men have seen two women wandering in secrecy.”

“Do you think it could be Morgana and Morgause?” Merlin asked, and he realised he had been kind of upfront about that. Leon looked at him with the same thoughts. “Sorry.”

“He does believe it is them,” Arthur said, “He has told us not to worry. He will confirm whether or not it is them, and send word right away. Leon, if you would make sure we haven’t received anything from them. Apparently this letter was a week late.” Leon nodded and left Arthur’s chambers. “Merlin, I wish to speak with Guinevere in private.”

Merlin gulped heavily and followed Leon out of the room. As he shut the doors, he saw Arthur gravitate towards Gwen and the handles of the door jingled in his shaking hands. “You all right there, Merlin?” It was Leon, he hadn’t left the hall since Arthur sent him away. Merlin quickly finished shutting the door and said nothing in reply. “I think Morgana’s war brought a lot of us together, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean?” Merlin questioned.

“Arthur and Gwen, they’re closer than ever. Gwaine, Perceval, Elyan and Lancelot were made knights—we’re all together now.” Leon said as if it was obvious. Merlin’s stomach churned, Leon hadn’t mentioned him. Even though this was a dream, Merlin was still hurt by that. He knew he was only a servant, and sometimes he forgot that, but in moments like this he was a nobody. He was easily replaceable. He did not miss that feeling at all now that he was a free man. Going back into the past, however, was reopening an old wound.

“Yes. I guess it did.” Merlin finally answered.

Merlin waited outside Arthur’s door for an hour until Gwen left. She bid him goodnight, as it was now evening, and Arthur called him in. He was leaning up against his wall, looking pensively outside of his window into the courtyard. Merlin also took notice in the fact Arthur was wearing his night clothes. What had Arthur and Gwen done in here for an hour?

“Yes, my lord?” Merlin said, keeping it formal. Arthur glanced back at him with a face that said ‘why are you calling me that?’ Merlin (and Gwen) were some of the only people who called Arthur by his name and not something formal.

“I want to go hunting tomorrow.” Arthur announced, “Prepare my things and we will leave first light.”

 Merlin stepped forward, “I don’t think that’s wise, Arthur, with King Rodor’s news of Morgana and Morgause—”

“We won’t be half a day’s ride from Camelot, it’ll be fine.” Arthur said this with a yawn, “I’m going to go to bed.”

Merlin stayed up the entire night preparing Arthur’s things. By the time the sun came up over the tops of the buildings, Arthur was ready to go. Merlin was laying on the hay in the stables. He knew Arthur would meet him there and he decided what was the point of going back to Arthur’s room if the prince knew he would be there?

“Did I tell you to sleep here?” Arthur asked, his voice was the only noise in the whole city. Everyone was still asleep. The sun had barely made its presence, though it was shining over the land. Merlin lifted his head from the hay and Arthur stood a few feet away. He was wearing his chainmail and had a sword at his hip. His hair was pointing in all directions, he probably hadn’t cared to brush his hair.

“No, I haven’t slept.” Arthur stepped towards him and held out his hand. Merlin took it and Arthur helped pull him up. Arthur smiled at him and Merlin noticed something in Arthur’s other hand. It was a bag.

“Here.” Arthur handed it to him, “Guinevere wanted these to be made for you. The seamstresses worked all night.” Merlin lifted the paper from the package and there was a red sweater underneath it. “This is only one of the three that were made. The others have been sent to Gaius.”

“Thank you.” Merlin felt the smallest amount of heat return to his cheeks. It was the first time in weeks since he had felt anything like this.

“It wasn’t me, it was Guinevere.” Arthur moved away from him to get on his horse. Merlin had packed everything away, most of the supplies were on Merlin’s horse. He carefully placed the red sweater into one of his bags, Merlin could remember wearing that sweater a lot after Arthur gave it to him. He was pretty sure it was put away in his chambers, he had never had a chance to get it before being banished. It had been his favourite sweater. It was soft, and though it was worn, it kept Merlin warm.

They quickly made their way out of Camelot and headed towards Caerleon. Merlin thought it was ironic, they were heading to the place where they met each other after three years. Arthur had no idea what was going to happen in the future. He was innocently riding his horse into the forest to hunt with his servant. He had no idea Merlin was going to murder his father and reveal his magic to the world. Arthur was clueless to the pain and suffering Merlin was going to cause him. Merlin wanted to tell him now, he wanted to apologise.

“You’re awfully quiet.” Arthur said, Merlin snapped his head up alarmed. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I’m fine.” Merlin replied, “I’m just a bit tired.”

“You wouldn’t be if you had slept.” Arthur chuckled and Merlin smiled, but he didn’t put his heart into it. Merlin had no idea what was going through his head at this point in his memory, but he did know that his shivers were growing more and more violent. Over time, since the debacle in the forest, the pain in his chest was slowly grew stronger. The pressure continued to build and Merlin was aching for relief. With each pang of his chest, the shivers overcome his body. He had gotten good at hiding it the most of it.

Merlin would never wish another man to feel the anguish he went through because of the witch’s curse. Even in reality, Merlin had no idea why she had cursed him. Well, he was aware of her reasons but why she had chosen him was beyond him.

Hours later, they were deep into the forest of Camelot. “Let us set up camp here.” Arthur jumped down and he looked over at Merlin, “Put on your sweater. You’re shivering again.”

“I’m fine.” Merlin said, probably for the millionth time since this dream began. “What are you hunting for?” He hoped Arthur wouldn’t notice how fast he had changed the subject. Arthur crossed his arms across his chest and stared at him. “Arthur?”

“Put on the sweater.” Arthur said, “That’s an order.”

Begrudgingly Merlin grabbed the sweater from one of the pouches on his horse. It was made of wool, and when he brushed his fingers against the fabric some of the pain on his chest lessened. He carefully pulled it over his head and the collar was bunched up around his neck. It fit perfectly, it was baggy and yet it clung to his body. “What are you hunting for?” Merlin he asked again, after successfully wearing the sweater. Arthur roamed his eyes over Merlin’s chest, and for a moment Merlin thought he saw heat in his gaze—he could feel it, that’s for sure.

Arthur cleared his throat and averted his eyes, “Deer.”

“Deer?” Merlin repeated, “Isn’t it breeding season?”

Arthur chuckled quickly, "I’ve brought you along on hunting trips for years and you still don’t know?” Merlin shook his head. Inside, Merlin was freaking out. He _knew_ this memory. He had kept it buried away in the depths of his mind since his banishment. Along with all of his other memories he had with Arthur. He was extremely uncomfortable. Arthur smiled at him, “I suppose I should teach you.”

“It’s not like I’m ever going to hunt on my own.” Merlin argued, “Why would I? I’m a servant. You’re the prince. You do the hunting.” Merlin was bitter, he was remembering Leon’s failure to mention him and he was letting his emotions get the best of him.

“That isn’t true.” Arthur frowned deeply, “you aren’t just a servant.”

“Then what am I?” As Merlin spoke, his teeth chattered and he shivered awkwardly. He folded his arms across his chest in hopes to hide it.

Arthur waved him over, “Come here. I’m going to teach you to hunt.” Merlin joined Arthur at his side while Arthur took a look at the weapons Merlin brought along with them. Merlin had packed Arthur’s crossbow, a few of his swords, a mace, an axe and a longbow. Arthur grasped the crossbow and felt its weight. “This will do.”

Throughout the rest of the day, Arthur taught him the tricks of hunting. Merlin could remember never feeling so content. He and Arthur didn’t have to worry about Morgana, or the king, or their fate. They were just together in the forest. Merlin treasured this memory. He would be lying to himself if he hadn’t thought about it since his banishment.

It was late into the afternoon when they had stopped walking around the forest and had found a place fit enough for Arthur who said hunting deer is all about waiting. They were sitting next to each other on the log of a fallen tree. They were in the thick forest. Every so often, Merlin’s arm would brush past Arthur’s. “In the summer, does are with their babies. They’ve just been born.” Arthur said while handing Merlin the crossbow. “It hasn’t reached mating season yet, but when it happens, the bucks are very aggressive. They’re constantly fighting each other to mate with the does.”

“Right.” Merlin adjusted the crossbow in his hands. Arthur had taught him how to shoot it a few hours ago. It was embarrassing having Arthur watch him fail over and over again to hit the targets he had set up. “Arthur, it’s not that I’m not enjoying this. I’m just curious why you’re teaching me these things.”

Arthur said nothing for a while. Merlin assumed he wasn’t going to say anything. The prince had been acting weird ever since Merlin was found in the forest. Thinking back now, the moment he had Arthur had shared near Lancelot was the first time Arthur had shown any affection for him.

“I want to apologise.” Arthur said, and Merlin wanted to escape from here. He knew what this was heading for. He wanted to urge himself to change the future. He didn’t want to go through this again. While, the future was good and it was what led Merlin to who he was in the present—he never wanted anyone to experience this. “You have been a faithful to me since the day my father chose you to be my man-servant. There has not been a day that I have questioned your loyalty to myself or the kingdom.”

“Arthur—”

“Merlin, please.” Arthur squeezed his hands out at his side and Merlin suddenly found it hard to swallow. This was hard for Arthur, “I sometimes forget how much you have helped me over the years. Since Morgana’s betrayal and my father’s sickness… I haven’t been treating you well. I should not argue with you as much as I do. One day I will be king and I do not want to be known for starting fights with my servants.” Merlin nodded slowly. “The other week, when we were looking for Morgana and we fought, I didn’t mean for anything to happen to you.”

“I know.” Merlin had forgotten just how vulnerable Arthur was in this moment.

“I was afraid you had died and it would have been my fault for letting you leave.” Arthur breathed in deeply, “I would never forgive myself.” Merlin let the moment stretch. In the past, he didn’t want to interrupt Arthur and in the present, Merlin had the same feelings. Arthur was laying his feelings down for Merlin to see. “You’re my best friend, Merlin.” Merlin lowered the crossbow and he glanced at the man sitting beside him. Arthur was staring off in front of them, his attention was taken elsewhere. “Look.”

Merlin followed his gaze and in front of the pair, was a proud buck. Its antlers were short, but it was quite large in size. It was standing proudly, completely unaware to their presence.

Merlin felt Arthur shift beside him and place his hand over Merlin’s shoulder. “Target the crossbow.” Merlin aimed the bow in the deer’s direction. He hesitated after he felt Arthur’s breath against his skin of his cheek. “Whenever you’re ready.”

He sucked in a breath, “I’ll never be ready.” The air around them changed. It was quite funny how in his past, and in this dream, Merlin spoke of how he’d never be prepared for anything. Whether it was killing a deer, speaking to Arthur, or acknowledging the fact he had turned from the deer to face Arthur.

“For what?” Arthur sounded fragile.

“I-I don’t know.” He chuckled and Arthur did too. Merlin, even in his dream, could feel the electricity between them.

“Merlin…” Arthur’s eyes widened and he brought Merlin to the forest floor. Merlin laid there with Arthur’s weight on him and the palm of his hand covering his mouth. Arthur leaned down and whispered, “Bandits.” Merlin shivered at the feeling of Arthur’s lips brushing past his ear.

“W-What should we do?” Merlin said, slightly breathless.

Arthur let his head drop to Merlin’s shoulder, “We wait.” Arthur rolled off of Merlin as quietly as he could and they waited. They waited until the sun was replaced by the moon. It had been hours since they had heard anything, but they laid there silently. At one point, Merlin thought Arthur had fallen asleep and he twisted his neck to see, but before he could Arthur grabbed his wrist keeping him still. Arthur kept his hand around Merlin’s wrist even after he relaxed. Merlin began dozing off eventually and that was when Arthur sat up. “They’re gone.”

Together they headed back to where they had left their horses, the deer was long gone now. Their horses were still tied to a pair of trees and none of their belongings had been stolen. Wordlessly, Merlin began setting their camp up. He went to collect firewood, while Arthur went off saying he needed a moment alone. By the time he returned, Merlin had the fire lit—which he lit with his magic, Merlin applauded his past self for risking revealing his magic just to light a fire—he had a stew cooking and he set up Arthur’s blankets near the fire. Merlin placed his a bit farther away, near the base of a tree.

Arthur took a bowl of the stew from Merlin without saying a word to him and they ate in silence. Merlin had wondered why Arthur was so quiet, but now he knew. It was what was to come.

With dinner finished, Merlin began cleaning the dishes and he went to his bedroll. Arthur was sitting near the fire making no signs of going to bed.

“Arthur?” Merlin called out to him.

“Yes?”

“Good night.” He said, not even sure whether or not Arthur had even heard him. He laid down underneath the thin blanket, with his sweater still on. His chills had returned in the last hour and this was the worst they’d ever been.

Just as Merlin closed his eyes, he heard the sound of twigs breaking and them a thump. He opened his eyes and found Arthur beside him along with his bedroll. Arthur laid down and laid with his to Merlin. Merlin turned onto his side, facing away from Arthur and smiled slightly. His chills calmed down but were still an annoying presence.

A while later, he found that he wasn’t going to sleep. There was no way in the world his body was going to allow him that luxury. He hadn’t slept for a whole day now. He sniffled and adjusted his blankets. The pain in his chest was getting worse, and now his stomach was upset. Merlin could remember thinking that perhaps it was just a simple digestive problem.

Merlin held his breath. It had started.

“Have you ever loved anyone, Merlin?” Arthur asked suddenly into the night. Merlin heard the prince shift beside him.

“Yes.” Merlin replied, thinking of a time long ago when he did love someone.

“Who?” Arthur asked, voice barely above a whisper. The Dream-Merlin was thinking of Freya, and their short but sweet affair. The current-Merlin, the one who had grown up and matured and had felt his fair share of heartbreak was thinking of someone only inches away.

“It was nothing.” Merlin said after a breath. “I was young and foolish.”

“The heart never fools you.” Arthur said carefully, Merlin swore he was speaking to a scholar and not the crown-prince of Camelot. “What came of her?” Arthur asked, “Do you know what she is doing now?”

“She died.” He bluntly put, he didn’t want to skirt around the truth.

“Oh.” Merlin could only imagine the frown in Arthur’s face. “I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago.” Merlin shrugged and brought his blanket up closer around his shoulders. The woods around them were silent, but the wind blowing through the trees added enough noise to fill their silences. Merlin sighed and then asked, “Have you ever loved anyone, Arthur?”

A minute passed before: “Of course.”

Merlin closed his eyes and swallowed, “Who?”

Arthur shifted again and he didn’t answer. Merlin opened his eyes and sat up to see what had stopped Arthur from replying and he found Arthur sitting up as well. Staring at him. This look, was the same Merlin had seen on Arthur’s face in reality and outside of his dreams. The moonlight shined on his face prettily and his eyes were illuminated by the stars of the clear night. Merlin held his breath. He wondered if Arthur was holding his, too.

Arthur cleared his throat. “I love Guinevere.” Merlin felt something block his lungs from retrieving air. “I want her to be my queen one day.” Arthur looked away from Merlin and he stared off into the forest wistfully. “The heart isn’t foolish, Merlin. I did not know your love, but I can imagine the love you had for her is the same I have the same for Guinevere.” Merlin laid back down and stared up at the stars, partially blocked by the branches of the trees.

Merlin wished he could wake up and escape this dream. He remembered the pain he had in his chest, from not only the curse, but from the information Arthur wanted to marry Gwen. He knew this, obviously, Arthur had mentioned wanting Gwen to be his queen for years now. Though only in the privacy of his chambers with Merlin only half-listening. But hearing it now, on this night where there were no responsibilities of ruling a kingdom, uniting Albion and becoming king, it was just the two of them. Sharing the same, fresh earthy air.

Arthur laid back down and that is when Merlin realized his shivering had intensified, he could no longer hide it. The curse. It was balmy and not at all cold. He pulled the blankets even tighter against his body and willed himself to go to sleep. He found himself calmed by his body’s convulsions and he was lulled into slumber.

When he awoke the next morning, he found himself warmer. He was still cold, but he could feel his cheeks growing rosy. He opened his eyes and he found himself wearing two blankets rather than one and Arthur slept beside him, with none. Perhaps his shivering had become bothersome and Arthur gave him the blanket to save himself from a night of frustration.

This was refuted when Arthur groggily sat up and saw Merlin looking at the extra blanket peculiarly.

“You were cold again. If it hadn’t been the middle of the night and we weren’t a half a day’s ride from Camelot, I would’ve packed up and brought you to Gaius.” He said, running his fingers through his blond hair. Merlin nodded and did not reply. “Has Gaius not found the reason for your cold?”

“He thinks it’s a bug.” Merlin lied. “He said it will go away soon.”

“I hope it does.” Arthur gave him a smile and then patted his shoulder. He stood up while saying, “Get some more sleep. I don’t want you to fall ill while we’re on our way back to the castle.” Merlin let himself fall back and snuggle up beneath the blankets. The warmth in his fingers was returning. He smiled and let himself sleep some more.

He woke to the sounds of birds chirping in the trees. Merlin swore he had finally woken up, _really_ woken up. Instead he was in the forest, only this time without Arthur. He sat up quickly, looking for any sign that something had happened but he found a bowl of stew placed where Arthur had slept.

He ate on his own and in the middle of his last bite, he heard shouting that sounded eerily like Arthur. He scrambled to his feet but found there was no strength in his legs. He toppled over onto the ground and swore. He dug his fingers into the dirt and he was frightened by what he saw on his hands.

Frost.

He was freezing, literally freezing. Something had happened in the few hours he had slept. Even in the present, Merlin wasn’t sure what had caused the curse to

“A-Arthur!” He called out and he heard Arthur shouting for him. He tried to cast his magic but it fizzled and did nothing.

“He’s preoccupied.” An old woman’s voice said from behind him. Merlin rolled onto his back, as that was all he was able to do, and he was faced with her. The witch that had cursed him. Merlin could remember each detail of her face vividly. Her appearance matched that of the stereotypes Uther fed his people to strike fear into their hearts. Her skin was grey and drooping, and she was covered in warts. She only had one eye and it was clouded with blindness. She had little to no hair, and the hair that was there was greasy and grey. She was hunched over, from a bad back he presumed, and she wore a stained black cloak. Merlin feared her greatly, despite this merely being a memory. “He will be for a while.”

“W-Who are you?” His teeth clattered loudly as he spoke.

“Ira.” She said, her voice was similar to rubbing two stones together. “I am the Great Witch of the West.” Merlin had never heard of her before then, and he still had no idea who she was. He had mentioned her to Morgana one night, when he was missing his life from before. Morgana was quite understanding in those moments. She often allowed him to speak of the past and she didn’t ridicule him or grow angry. But, Morgana had never heard of her. No one had. Not one druid or sorcerer living in Caerleon Castle knew who she was. She was truly a mystery. “And you are Emrys.” She obviously knew him.

“What d-did you do to A-Arthur?” Merlin stuttered out, “Where i-is he?”

She clicked her tongue, “I’ve told you. He’s preoccupied.” She stepped towards him slowly. The twigs underneath her feet snapped and she walked until she was standing right above him. She kneeled down and reached out her hand, brushing her boney, arthritis-riddled against his skin. “You’re dying.” She said, “How does that feel?”

“I’m n-not dying—” Abruptly, Merlin’s chest lurched painfully. Whatever was going on inside of him was increasing tenfold. He was dying.

“Your organs are shutting down. Soon, you will no longer be able to function.” She pet his hair softly, “Even your hair is turning frozen. It’s a pity, really. You are the most powerful sorcerer of all time, but it must happen. You must die.”

“Why?” Merlin could barely breathe now. Merlin had never drowned before, but he wondered if this is how it felt. He hated reliving this. He had the same emotions running through his head that he did the moment it was happening.

He was afraid. He didn’t want to die. He doesn’t die here, no, but the mere thought of losing his life without saying what he wanted to say—in the past and in the present. And if he was being completely honest, most of the things he wanted to say were to Arthur.

Past and present.

“Do you feel it, Emrys?” Ira placed her hand flat over his chest, “Your heart. Even now, it is trying to hold on. But it will never heal. Thus is the curse I thrust upon you.” Merlin sucked in a broken breath, but it was no use, no air would enter his lungs. “Do you not remember, Emrys? That day, not too long ago, when I poisoned your heart. It would freeze before you ever have a chance to love.” She glanced off to where Merlin presumed Arthur was. “It is him, is it not?” She asked him, “The one you love.”

Merlin gasped for air, “D-Don’t lo-love.”  

“Hmm,” She looked back at him, though how she knew where to look was beyond him. “You’re lying to yourself even in your dying moments.” She lifted her hand from his chest. “You were doomed the moment I cursed you. Denying your feelings only worsens the pain. Each second that passes, your heart beats even slower—and your body begins to freeze. Nothing will be able to thaw your body, ever after death.”

Merlin used all of the strength he had to ask, “What i-is the cur-curse?”

She sneered evilly, her teeth were blackened and sharp. “Unless you are loved by the one you desire, you shall freeze to death. And if I’m correct in assuming, you will die unless you have changed your name to _Guinevere_.”

Merlin screamed out in pain at the mention of Gwen’s name. He writhed and rolled over onto his stomach. All the while, Ira kneeled next to him, watching him die. Merlin’s vision began to blur but he could make out the tips of his fingers going blue.

“Merlin!” He heard in the distance, it was faint and for a second he thought it was Gwaine.

He heard Ira scream out in agony and he lifted his head, a sword was clean through her body. Her mouth was open and she was twitching, as blood dripped from her stomach. The sword was pulled from her and she fell on top of him.

“Merlin, are you—” Arthur. He dropped the bloodstained sword and helped Merlin up from under Ira. He pulled Merlin onto his lap and cupped Merlin’s cheek. “You’re blue.” There was a calculating look about the prince before he was lifting Merlin up. He placed Merlin on his horse and then jumped up behind him. He held Merlin close to him, “Stay with me.”

_Stay with me_. The words ran through his mind thousands of times before he woke from his curse induced slumber.

“Merlin.” Merlin struggled to open his eyes. “Wake up.” It was Gaius. The candlelight was dim in his room. Gaius was at his side, like usual and his expression was grim. “You are very lucky, Merlin.” Merlin couldn’t speak. His chest felt heavy, but not because of the curse. He was ill. “If Arthur had not returned when he did, you would have died.” Merlin coughed harshly suddenly, he tried to sit up but failed. Gaius helped him up and patted his back lightly. “You’ve caught pneumonia, I’m afraid.” Once he calmed himself, he laid back down and he found that the pillows beneath his head were soft and the bed was the softest thing he had ever laid on. “Arthur insisted on letting you stay in his chambers. He said it would be best for you. He is staying in one of the guest rooms for the time being. He is sleeping, currently, he was exhausted. He arrived here with you in his arms and no horse.”

Merlin told Morgana this story once, and she made a face when he told her of Arthur carrying him into Camelot. She thought it was ridiculous, and it was. And what followed was even worse.

“I want to tell you Merlin, I do not know how to heal this curse. It is still attempting to take your life but I have managed to hold it off for now. The pneumonia will worsen the symptoms, unfortunately. You are in for a rough couple of days.” Gaius stood up and felt Merlin’s forehead. “Rest, my boy. You will need it.”

Merlin fell asleep before Gaius had even left him. When he awoke next, all of the candles had been blown out except one on Arthur’s bedside table.

“Why didn’t tell me you were this sick?” Arthur’s voice cut through the silence. “Why did you keep this from me?” Merlin didn’t look at the prince, he couldn’t. “Gaius has no idea whether you’re going to live.”

Merlin cleared his throat, it was thick with phlegm, “Didn’t want to worry you.”

Arthur laughed out loud, “Didn’t want to worry me? You were so cold, I thought you were dead.” Merlin heard Arthur from the other side of the room, he was walking towards Merlin. “The witch, whoever she was, approached me in the forest. She portrayed herself as an elderly woman who was lost in the forest, she needed help back to Camelot. I-I was trying to help her, then she knocked me out. When I woke, I heard your screams.” Arthur was now in Merlin’s vision. He was wearing his bed clothes, he must’ve come right here from the guest room he was staying in. Arthur sat down on the edge of the bed beside Merlin. “I killed her.”

“I know.” Merlin grumbled, he tried to sit up and get away from the prince. Arthur grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. “I want to leave.”

“I can guarantee you will not make it out that door without fainting.” Arthur said, Merlin was pushed back until he was laying down. Arthur was looking at Merlin again with that… Expression. Merlin couldn’t place what it was. In reality, it was just as hard to figure out.

Arthur exhaled and ran his fingers through his hair, musing it out of frustration. “I haven’t any idea what I’m doing anymore.” Merlin could recite what Arthur was about to say word for word. “My father is ill and I am king in all but name. I am dragging my knights across the kingdoms to find my sister. I am being urged by my advisors to marry Princess Mithian from the Kingdom of Nemeth.” Right, because the letter Leon had read to Arthur was not about Morgana—it was about Princess Mithian, Merlin learned that a few months later. “I do want to marry, but I want it to be for love. And the obvious solution to that, would be to marry Guinevere. But…” Arthur hung his head down, “I do not know if that is the right thing to do.”

“Y-You love her.” Merlin tried to supress his shivers.  

“I do but I no longer believe that is enough.” Arthur glanced at him again. “There has been a _distraction_ lately that has driven my attention from her. I have been having a hard time handling it. I’ve tried ignoring it and I’ve tried denying it. Nothing works.” A beat passed before Arthur spoke again, “Nothing.” He suddenly stood up and went to the window.

Merlin closed his eyes. His whole body ached from the cold and the pneumonia. He pulled on the blankets until the covered his head. He heard Arthur move around the room but he ignored him. All he had wanted was to be warm again.

All of a sudden, the blankets were lifted up and he felt Arthur beside him. Arthur pulled Merlin against him and held him there, sharing his body warmth with the dying Merlin. They laid under the blankets for minutes until Arthur spoke, “I’ve decided to accept it. No matter what the ramifications. My happiness… A-And your happiness, Merlin, they’re more important to me.”

Merlin could do nothing but lie still against the prince’s body. He could feel Arthur’s hand on the back of his head, keeping him pressed to his broad chest. Merlin flexed his hand against it, feeling the soft hairs beneath his frozen fingers. Arthur shifted until his hand was resting at the base of Merlin’s neck, rubbing gently at the nape. He pressed his lips to Merlin’s forehead and Merlin let his eyes fall shut. He let all the stress from his body relax and he found himself soothed to the rhythm of Arthur’s breathing.  

Merlin awoke—still in the dream—to bright sunlight shining into his eyes. He squinted as he opened them, and saw he was still in Arthur’s chambers and in Arthur’s bed. He breathed in deeply and all he could smell was Arthur. His smell brought Merlin calmness and even in the future, no other smell could relax all of Merlin’s muscles like Arthur’s had.

And he was warm. He was _warm_. There was no longer a pressure on his chest. He flexed his fingers and his toes, and he could feel them. They were no longer frostbitten. In the middle of his surprise, he felt Arthur move on the bed and wrap his arm around Merlin’s middle. He pulled Merlin against him, only this time with Merlin’s back to his chest. Merlin felt a warmth spread throughout his body.

Merlin never wanted this moment to end. It had been the beginning of the end. He and Arthur began a strange relationship between them. Merlin had been so afraid of overstepping, Arthur was the prince after all. He couldn’t exactly do something against his wishes. But Arthur took charge and he made his emotions known. Merlin could remember days hiding behind curtains with Arthur’s hands in his hair while Merlin grasped at Arthur’s hips. There had been the night Merlin was going to end it all because he swore Arthur wanted nothing more than to string him along. Arthur had grabbed him and said, “You’re an idiot, Merlin.”

Merlin had thought earlier that if he had been given the chance and his magic allowed him to change the future, would he do it? Would he change his future and make it so he and Arthur never ended up in his bed together. The memory of waking up with Arthur was one of the best memories Merlin had, it helped him survive during those three long years. Even after Arthur sent men to kill him, he would never change what had led him to that point.

Never.

“Good morning.” Arthur breathed against his neck. “You’re warm.” Arthur said sleepily, then Arthur went stiff. He suddenly sat up and said, “Merlin, you’re warm!”

Merlin laughed and nodded, “I’m warm.” He laid on his back, looking up at Arthur. Arthur blinked and he laid back down at Merlin’s side. He reached up and brushed his fingers past Merlin’s now rosy cheek.

“I never asked, is this… Is this okay?” Arthur motioned between them and their positions. Merlin nodded and a weight as almost lifted off of Arthur’s shoulders. He beamed at Merlin and he took Merlin’s hand in his. He carefully kissed Merlin’s knuckles. Merlin felt his chest grow heavy but not from the curse, no, that was gone. “Merlin, I—”

A bright light shined into Merlin’s eyes and he shouted in shock. He flew back, falling off of Arthur’s bed. Arthur looked over the edge at him, “Merlin? Are you okay?” The light wasn’t disappearing, in fact it was growing more powerful. It was shining bright, making his eyes sensitive. Arthur reached out to him and he tried to take his hand, but instead, it was Gwaine.

“Gwaine?” Merlin blinked in confusion, “W-What is going on?”

“Wake up, mate.” Gwaine said with a grin, “I haven’t seen you in years and all you do is sleep. I think it’s kind of rude.”

Merlin’s eyes burst open and with a gasp, his magic flew from him. He heard Gwaine swear and he heard metal clanging. Arthur and his chambers were nowhere to be seen.

He had woken up.

* * *

Merlin and Gwaine were sitting side by side, both had their hands tied behind them and they had blindfolds placed over their eyes. When Merlin woke from his dream, his magic had had a mind of its own. The doors to the dungeon they were in flew off their hinges, and since then, they’ve had to be moved.

 “I can’t believe you’re back.” Gwaine said, nudging his arm against Merlin’s. “You should’ve seen my face when those guards threw you in here. At first I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t recognise you with your long hair.”

“Why am I here?” Merlin asked his old friend, “I remember nothing.”

“From what I’ve heard, Agravaine thinks you tried to kill Arthur by distracting him and letting one of Morgana’s men shoot him.” Gwaine explained, “He thinks you committed treason. I haven’t heard anything from Arthur’s side of things. I bet Agravaine has banned anyone from coming down here.” Gwaine let out a groan, “The fact _I’m_ in here is bullshit. I was defending you, y’know, and Agravaine got angry and threw me out. I’ve been here for two days.”

“I know,” Merlin rested his head against the wall behind them, “I was there. I was spying on you all during the meeting. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I hate being in here, but it was for a good cause.” Merlin could hear Gwaine’s smile in his voice. “I wish they’d hurry up finding us a new cell, my arms are cramping.” Gwaine cleared his throat loudly, “How long does this take?”

“Shut up!” A guard not too far from them shouted.

“You do realise you’re talking to a Knight of Camelot and the most powerful sorcerer Camelot’s ever seen, if you want your life I’d be more polite.” Gwaine hissed at them, Merlin could hear the guard grumble at them. Gwaine scoffed, “No manners at all. None of them care for us. We’re constantly dealing with defiance. They hate us.”

“Why are they here?” Merlin asked, he kept his voice low. If he was being tried for treason, he didn’t want anyone to think Gwaine was helping him. He wanted to get out of here and go back to Caerleon without hurting anyone.

“Agravaine hired them. Arthur really had no input, not that he would argue anyway. Arthur’s turned submissive. He reminds me of Uther in his last days.” Gwaine shifted uncomfortably, “If anything were to happen to Arthur, Agravaine would be made king. With all the decisions he’s making, it feels like he already is.”

Suddenly, large aggressive hands were pulling Merlin to his feet. He could feel their rancid breath against his fast and he could almost imagine their rotting teeth, “Get a move on.” They spat on his blindfolded face. They pushed him violently away from where he had been. They stopped him roughly and he felt their large fingers untying the ropes around his wrists. The blindfold was torn off of his head and he was pushed inside of a cell. He fell to the hard floor in a heap, followed by Gwaine who fell on top of him.

“Oof, sorry.” Gwaine rolled off of him and Merlin sat up. He turned and saw the guard who had been rude staring at them both. “Don’t you have other duties to attend to?” Gwaine said to them, “Shoo.”

Merlin stood up and moved to the corner of the cell. He sat down and brought his knees to his chest. He watched as Gwaine stood up and stretched his arms above his head and groaned in pleasure. Gwaine looked around the cell and spotted near the beds, he went over and picked up whatever it was. When he turned back to Merlin, he had a roll of bread in his mouth and in his hands was a plate of them. “Hungry?”

“No.” Merlin said, Gwaine quirked his brow while eating. He came over beside Merlin and sat next to him, handing him a roll anyway.

Merlin broke it in half and stared at it as Gwaine spoke, “I know you must get this question a lot. But… Did you do it?” Merlin slowly raised the roll to his mouth and he took a bite. “Did you kill Uther?”

Merlin chewed slowly then swallowed, “Yes I did.”

Gwaine gulped down his food and the silence stretched on. Gwaine ate another roll of bread from the plate and then said, “Some part of me was hoping it wasn’t true. I had hoped Arthur had made a mistake.”

“He didn’t.” Merlin said, “I killed him.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t mean to. I was trying to heal him and it was a complicated spell, but something happened and the spell ended up taking his life. There had been a second when it worked and Uther had woken, then in a matter of seconds he was gone.” Merlin clenched his teeth, “I had worked so hard—I risked everything to save him and I failed. Arthur banished me and I had to give up my entire life.”

Gwaine wrapped his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, “You’re back now, though. You can pick things back up again.”

Merlin genuinely laughed at that, “I’ll never be able to gain back the years I lost. Yes, I survived because Morgana took me in but I sometimes,” He breathed in deeply, “I sometimes wish the knights had gone through with it and killed me that night.”

Gwaine stiffened and looked at him bizarrely, “W-What are you talking about—”

“Merlin!” Gwen shouted, she was running down the dungeon hall and she ran up to the cell. She grabbed onto the bars and she was almost sobbing in relief. Merlin jumped up and went to her, leaving Gwaine speechless on the floor. “I’ve been so worried about you! When you didn’t return I was so frightened you had been found out.” She had actual tears streaming down her cheek. She reached through the bars and pet his knotting hair. “I am so relieved to see you are safe.”

“How are you here?” Merlin asked her, “Gwaine said Agravaine banned anyone from coming down.”

Gwen tightened her grip on the aging bars, “They’ve requested you come to the court, Merlin.”

Merlin paled, what did they want him for? Was it to send him into exile again or to sentence him to death for his magic? He didn’t want to stick around to find out. Gwaine was suddenly spoke, “I’m offended, Gwen.” Merlin glanced over his shoulder at Gwaine, “I thought you had come here to see me.” Gwaine stood up and sauntered over to them. He swung his arm around Merlin’s shoulders and pulled him close. He raised his finger to his mouth, telling Merlin and Gwen to keep their voices hushed. “Why have they requested him?”

Gwen carefully looked for any of the guards before answering, “Arthur and Agravaine have been arguing since the morning. Well, Agravaine has been shouting and Arthur has been sitting there. Agravaine wants Merlin’s head for taking Uther’s life and for attempting to take Arthur’s.”

“The bastard.” Gwaine hissed angrily, “What has Arthur said?”

“Not much. But he is the one who’s asked to see Merlin in the throne room.” Gwen said, “He sent me here to get him.”

“Take me with you.” Gwaine said, “Tell the guards Arthur has asked me to protect Merlin from anyone trying to murder him to gain ‘glory’ or whatever it was that Agravaine said.”

“O-Okay.” Gwen gulped heavily and she left them to go speak with the guard with the rotten-attitude.

Merlin shrugged Gwaine’s arm off of him and said, “I don’t need protecting.”

“I know,” Gwaine said, “You’re powerful, however, there are _a lot_ of people who want you dead. You just came back, I’m not letting you leave again.” Gwaine clapped him on the shoulder as Gwen returned with the guard in tow. Merlin had fallen gotten a look at him, he was just as ugly as he had imagined.

“So you’re tellin’ me, I need to release both of ‘em?” The man asked Gwen, she kept her composure though Merlin knew she was breathing in the scent of his breath. The guard was burly and strong, he looked more like a thug than a guard. Merlin wondered where Agravaine had found him. Possibly the tavern, his like usually congregated there.

“Yes, King Arthur requested it himself.” Gwen had her hands folded in front of her, she wore a lavender coloured dress on and her hair was done in braids. “He asks for Lord Gwaine to be the protector of Merlin for the time being.”

The guard raised an unruly eyebrow and began to laugh, “He wants someone to protect the king killer?” He had to grab his stomach he was laughing so hard.

“I’m going to be the guard killer if you don’t let us out now.” Merlin said, both Gwaine and Gwen snapped their eyes to him. The guard stopped laughing immediately and stared at Merlin.

“What did you just say to me?” The guard quickly found his keys and opened the cell, he attempted to storm in but Gwaine stepped in front of Merlin quickly.

“You heard her, by orders of the king.” Gwaine kept his jaw tense and he pushed the guard back. “Now, excuse us.” Gwaine grabbed Merlin’s arm and pulled him out of the dungeon. Gwen was paused for a moment before she quickly led them out of the damp dungeons.

Once they were far away from there and anyone that could overhear, Gwen turned around and smacked Merlin’s arm. “Are you trying to have yourself killed? If Gwaine hadn’t been there, you would’ve been dead!”

“I can protect myself. I’ve been doing it for three years.” Merlin tore his arm from Gwaine’s grasp, “I appreciate your help but it is too dangerous to let you both do this. Especially you Gwaine, if Agravaine finds out you are protecting me he’ll have you killed.”

“I’d like to see him try.” Gwaine folded his arms across his chest, “He doesn’t even know how to hold a sword, let alone kill a man. If he wanted me dead, he would have killed me when Arthur and the knights headed to Caerleon.”

Merlin blinked and said nothing, but then he realised something, “Gwen, who sent the rolls of bread to us.”

Gwen looked at him as if he had grown a second head, “What are you talking about?”

“Come on. We’ll worry about that later.” Gwaine said, he fell behind them in step and put his hands on their backs. “Walk faster, that guard will find out soon that no one asked for my release.”

The three of them made haste towards the throne room where Agravaine, Arthur and the other council members were waiting. Merlin was worried. After that strange dream—he was still trying to figure out what relevance it had to anything in the present, other than pestering him with his once strong feelings for the prince, now king. Merlin anxiously reached up and pushed some of his long hair behind one ear. What would he do when he saw Arthur? He hoped his presence wouldn’t affect him, but with this reminder of how good things used to be and how Arthur used to be… He shook his head, he would remain strong. The past was the past, and not the future. Arthur banished him. Arthur was the one who attempted to kill him. He would not let the king distract him from the very dangerous power that was threatening Camelot and the world.

They reached the throne room faster than Merlin had hoped. Gwen stopped in front of the door, “I’m not to go in.” She bit her lip in worry, “Please be safe you two. Do not instigate anything or make things any worse than they are.”

“When have I ever caused trouble?” Gwaine smirked and Merlin allowed himself to chuckle. Gwen kept her expression serious, “It’ll be fine, Gwen. I promise.”  

Gwen turned to Merlin and she hugged him tight, “I know you’re afraid.” She whispered in his ear, “Be brave.”

He nodded and let go of her. Gwaine smiled at him reassuringly and he pushed the doors open. Merlin felt like he was going to his execution. Together they walked into the throne room and all eyes were on them. He heard a few of the council members whispering amongst each other about Gwaine being there. Merlin glanced at Gwaine who was paying no attention to them, his eyes were fixed in front of him. Merlin followed his gaze and he saw Arthur sitting on the throne as he should be with Agravaine peering over his shoulder.

Arthur sat there staring pensively at him and Gwaine, as if he didn’t know what to say. Agravaine stepped past Arthur and cleared his throats, the doors slammed shut soon after.

“Gwaine, it is nice to see you again.” Agravaine said, keeping his voice calm. “The dungeons treated you well, I hope.”

“As well as they can.” Gwaine said with a grin.

Merlin saw the muscle in Agravaine’s jaw shift before he turned his attention to him, “And you must be the infamous Merlin I’ve heard so much about.” Agravaine kept his hands behind his back as he walked closer to Merlin. “A beloved servant to Prince Arthur, you were his confidant. You helped him through many hardships, yes?” Agravaine said and Merlin did nothing but blink. “When it was Arthur’s darkest hour, you kicked him down and killed his father.” Agravaine pointed a finger into Merlin’s chest, “You killed the king.”

“I am aware of what I did.” Merlin said, and everyone in the room began to murmur.

"So you confess?” Agravaine said excitedly, “You admit to killing the king?”

Merlin pressed his lips into a line and shrugged, “I’ve never denied it.” Merlin kept his stare cold and he turned to everyone, “I would like to make this clear, so no one has to ask me this again. I killed King Uther. My _magic_ is what killed the king. I have magic and I went undetected for years within the walls of the castle. Ultimately, what killed the king is what he feared most.”

“Merlin, what are you doing?” Gwaine hissed but Merlin ignored him. He had kept this bottled in for too long.

“It was bound to happen, honestly. He was a tyrant and believe me, he is loathed by the magical community. But I know that he was loved by Camelot. And to be honest, I loved him too. He was a great king despite his hatred for my kind.”

“Liar!” Agravaine said loudly, “He is spouting lies into our ears.”

“Kill him!” One guard yelled.

“He killed the king!” Shouted another.

Agravaine cleared his throat, “Silence!” He shouted to the council, “I understand tensions are high—we all want to see the king killer dead for what he’s done. But I say, we should give him a fair trial!” There were shouts of disagreement. “Please, be calm. We must show that we are a just and understanding kingdom. We cannot execute a man who may not be guilty.” Agravaine paused then let out a chuckle, “Oh wait, he’s admitted it.” There was a thunderous roar of agreement. “Not only has he killed the king, but he has also taken up arms with the woman who probably ordered for Uther’s death in the first place: Morgana Pendragon.” The temperature in the room seemed to drop at the mention of her name.

"Morgana had nothing to do with Uther’s death.” Merlin said to them. “She is innocent.”

Agravaine sneered, “You didn’t deny that you are her ally.”

“That is because I am.” Merlin said, “I thought I made that clear when your troops threatened to start a war with her. A war, I might add, that you do not want to start.”

“Is that a threat?” Agravaine growled, “Are you threatening Camelot?”

“No.” Merlin said, “I’m warning you. I am the only reason Morgana hasn’t started a battle with you. If you so much as hurt me, I can guarantee she will be here to return whatever pain I have onto you.” Merlin backtracked, “Sorry, I should clarify, only on you Agravaine because she hates you even more than I do.”

Agravaine’s chest puffed up and he placed his hand on the handle of his sword, “Why do you hate me?”

“Because you’re a power sucking leech and you’re only using your relation to Arthur to get closer to the throne.” Merlin said and the whole court gasped in unison. Merlin saw Arthur shift in the corner of his eye. “You go on about how much you care for Arthur and how terrible it is that I killed his father, a-and yet when Uther was driven mad and depressed, where were you? Where were you to support your nephew?” Agravaine faltered and let his mouth fall open in shock. “At least I had been there for Arthur. I thought I was saving his father, but I miscast my spell and he died. All while you were off doing who knows what.”

“I will have you hanged for this!” Agravaine spat in his face. He unsheathed his sword but he got nowhere. Gwaine stepped forward and guarded Merlin from any harm. “You will get out of my way, Gwaine!”

“I take my orders from the king. Not you.” Gwaine said, “Unless Arthur tells me to move, I will remain here.”

“Move Gwaine.” Arthur stood up.

Gwaine frowned, “S-Sire,—”

Arthur stepped down from the throne and said, “Leave us. All of you.”

His uncle spun around, “A-Arthur, do you think this wise—”

“Go.” Arthur ordered, looking his uncle right in the eye. “Now.”

Everyone scurried out of the room without another complaint, including Agravaine and Gwaine. Merlin cast his head down when Gwaine patted him on the shoulder before leaving. When he heard the doors shut, he kept them glued to the floor. He didn’t dare look up.

“Merlin.” Arthur’s voice shook, “Look at me.” Merlin’s heart pounded as he followed Arthur’s order. Arthur stood across the room from him, and he was eying the sorcerer carefully. “Y-Your hair… It’s so long.”

Merlin thought he misheard at first but no, that is definitely what Arthur said. “That is what happens when your hair is not cut.”

Arthur pursed his lips then nodded, “Yes. I suppose.” Arthur shook his head then said, “I’ve been trying to figure out what I would say to you since we brought you back to Camelot. The arrow Morgana’s man shot was stuck in my armor, it didn’t enter my body. Y-You accidentally knocked me out when you pushed me, I must’ve been in the path of your magic because it hit me.”

Merlin frowned, “No it didn’t. I know my magic, I’ve never used it as a weapon against you.”

Arthur let a small smile play on his lips. “Thank you for that. But, when I woke, I found you bleeding in the mud and one of my knights had a stone with your blood dripping from it. I ordered for you to be brought back to Camelot with us and to be treated by Gaius. And that is what happened.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Merlin wondered and Arthur’s smile fell.

“I thought you would like to know how you had returned. I know you had been unconscious since Sir Guy struck you.” Arthur turned away and looked to the window, “I somehow knew you were going to return.” Merlin tried his best to ignore that. “What is it you said that night? We’re two sides of the same coin? Our fates are intertwined?”

Merlin felt his heart stop for a moment. _How dare Arthur_? How dare he bring up that night? How dare he bring up what was said?

“That is what you said, isn’t it?” Arthur glanced back at him, “The night you killed my father.”

Merlin clenched his jaw. “You know it was a mistake. I would never kill anyone.”

“Yet, you’re with Morgana. My sister. The woman who has killed thousands of my people.” Arthur’s soft eyes suddenly turned dark. Merlin had never seen them so… Angry.

“I am with Morgana because she helped me survive after I was thrown from the kingdom.” Merlin told him, “After you banished me without listening to a word I had to say. Then you ordered your men to kill me. You are no saint either, Arthur. You are siblings after all.”

Arthur hesitated for a moment but he shook his head and growled, “I am not related to that monster you call a friend.”

“Morgana is kind. Kinder than you will ever be, Arthur. She has grown from her mistakes and she feels remorse for them. Do you even feel anything in the slightest anymore?” Merlin was terrified of the terror in Arthur’s face but he sucked in a breath, he would not let himself be afraid. “The only monster that is here, is you.”

Arthur tore his sword from his side and charged at Merlin, Merlin fell over onto his bottom and he felt the blade press against his neck. “This is familiar.”

Merlin couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly, Arthur knelt down and dropped the sword. He whispered into Merlin’s ear, “They all have their ears pressed to the door. They need to hear me threaten you and show my dominance as king.” Merlin tried to squirm away but Arthur caught onto his arm, holding him. “Something is happening, Merlin. I-I can feel it inside of me. Something is changing and I need…” Arthur dropped his head to Merlin’s shoulder. “I need you… A-And I need Morgana.”

“W-What?!” Merlin coughed out and Arthur covered his mouth with his hand.

“You must be quiet. We cannot let them grow suspicious.” Arthur said and he lowered his hand, “Please, take me to where Morgana is. I-I can’t explain what I am feeling, but something isn’t right.” Arthur gazed into Merlin’s eyes. “Please.”

Merlin thought of the morning in Arthur’s bed and the way Arthur said good morning. The way he cared for nothing but Merlin in that moment. He would do this for their past, not for their future.

“Okay.” Merlin told him, “I’ll take you to Morgana.”

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief and he stood. He held out a hand for Merlin to take but Merlin ignored it. He remained on the floor as Arthur walked to the doors and opened it. A few of the councillors stumbled onto the floor from how hard they had been straining to hear.

Agravaine hurriedly went to Arthur’s side, “Arthur?”

“Merlin is to have his own room in the castle.” Arthur told his uncle and Agravaine looked as if he was having a heart attack. “He is to be a welcome guest, and if any harm comes to him you will answer for it.” Arthur turned to Gwaine, “For now, you will stay by his side and protect him. Is that understood?”

“I will protect him with my life, Sire.” Gwaine bowed and he went into the throne room to Merlin’s side.

Merlin was in disbelief. He watched as Arthur left the councillors who were all looking to Agravaine for guidance, but the lord had no idea what was going on. Neither did Merlin. He had never seen such anger in Arthur, even if it had been acting. There had been a moment where Merlin had thought it was real. He would have to speak with Morgana. She would know what to do. If Arthur could feel that something was changing—as Gwaine, Gwen and Leon had too—things were going faster than they had once suspected.

He feared for the fate of the world.

 


	5. The Nightmares of Arthur Pendragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am so sorry for such a late update. I will try to never make you wait this long, ever again. Any mistakes in this chapter are due to it being 3 in the morning when I uploaded this. I'll probably go back later on in the day to fix things if I notice them. I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

The entirety of Camelot was on fire. The flames roared and swallowed the kingdom like a starving beast. Drooling and eating whatever was in its path.

The flames went on for miles. As far as the eye can see. And he was standing in the middle of it. The smoke was suffocating. His chest burned with each pained breath he took. He could hear screams and crying, but he was powerless to do anything. It was as if he was there and yet he wasn’t. He thought for the shortest of moments that he was in one of his strange dreams again. Where he was living inside of his dream, and was forced to see the world around him move while he was trapped within his own body. He could feel the heat of the fire against his skin and he knew this dream—if it was a dream—was too real to not be one of his magical induced fantasies. But he had never lived this. He had no memory of this ever occurring. Still, he was a statue being forced to watch the kingdom he loved destroyed.

How could he and Morgana have left this happen? Everything they had done in preparation to save the kingdom that had banished him and had turned its back on her had been for naught. What had they missed? What crucial detail had gone overlooked, resulting in this massacre?

Then, he heard it. His name being shouted in the midst of all the chaos. Louder than the cries and the screams, louder than his heart pounding forcefully against his ribcage and louder than the flames around him crackling. It was Arthur. He knew that voice anywhere—and that voice was calling for him.

The smoke in the room he stood in suddenly vanished, and through the thick smoke and past the flames, he saw him. Standing inside of a whirlwind of fire and gripping a bloodstained sword tight. He was smirking and on the verge of laughter. It was unnerving to see the King of Camelot laughing at the death and destruction of his own kingdom.

The King opened his mouth, and as he spoke, his eyes shimmered with gold.   

“ _Merlin_.”

* * *

Merlin sat up quickly, his chest heaving and his heart beating at a rapid pace.

 _That_ had never happened before in his nightmares. He’d never been that close to the center of the fire. He’d had this dream more times than he can count for months and he’d only ever been outside of Camelot. Watching the flames from a distance, safe and unharmed with Morgana at his side. He had thought nothing of it.

But a few weeks ago, when he woke drenched in sweat and his magic buzzing he knew this was no ordinary nightmare. Everything about the nightmare had been the same as it had always been. He and Morgana were looking on at Camelot, far away from any of the actual destruction, but there had been something on the horizon. He stepped towards it and with each step, he grew closer to the image. And that image was Arthur, standing in the very centre of the flames with his blood drenched sword. That had been it.  

And now, he had moved from observing to being thrust into the chaos. He had been meters from Arthur and he could see in detail the blood dripping from the tip of his sword, falling onto the ground and sizzling from the heat of the stone floors. And Arthur’s haunting smirk, like he was celebrating the deaths of thousands of men, women and children. The way Arthur said his name like he was reciting a spell—and his eyes. His _eyes_. They were rimmed with gold.

Arthur was _casting_.

In reality, Arthur had told him something was changing inside of him and that he was scared. Arthur had begged him to take him to Morgana. Could Arthur have magic? No, Merlin shook his head, that had to be impossible.

Merlin took in a deep breath and laid back down on his bed. He had been staying in Camelot for two weeks now. He had grown accustomed to sleeping in a soft bed and having 3 meals a day. But he had yet to get used to having Gwaine constantly at his side, or having guards standing outside his door to protect him. In Caerleon, while there were guards, there was no fear of being harmed. A large majority of the population in Caerleon Castle were druids or sorcerers, they had no reason to want to kill each other.

In Camelot, Merlin was under surveillance every second of the day. If Gwaine was not with him, one of the other knights were. At night, there were always two guards outside his door. He wasn’t even allowed to walk the streets without an entire parade of knights to protect him. It was ridiculous. He wanted some privacy or at least some sense of normalcy. He _wanted_ to leave.

It did not seem like that would be happening any time soon. He had to stay until he and Arthur spoke about the plans to get him to Caerleon and to Morgana. However, he couldn’t speak to Arthur about those things until he had word from Morgana that it was safe. But he had not heard from Morgana at all since she spoke to him moments before he stopped the battle between the bandits and Arthur’s men. And so, he had yet to say one word to Arthur since he had begun his stay.   

He had tried to call Morgana with his mind but there was no reply. He had sent ravens to Caerleon in hopes she would send one back but the raven always returned with the letter he had written still attached to its leg. He was terrified something had happened while he was gone.

He sat up and with a deep breath, he got out of bed. He walked over to the windows and threw open the maroon drapes. The sun had barely risen over the building tops, but what little sunlight there was poured into the room. It warmed his skin pleasantly. He changed out of his bed clothes into an old outfit of his that Gaius had found. It was strange wearing his older clothes, it felt like he had gone back in time and he was a servant again.

As he finished tying his neckerchief securely around his neck, he turned to the table in his room. Sitting on top of the table were the several letters he had sent Morgana. Each one becoming more concerned than the last. He bit his lip as he looked at them, something was not right. Morgana would not leave without telling him.

 He walked over to the table and eyed the parchment paper sitting next to the unopened letters. He lifted his eyes up to the door to his room. He could hear the servants shuffling around outside the hall preparing things for the morning. Gwen and Gwaine would no doubt be entering his room soon. He sucked in a breath before looking back to the papers in front of him. He reached out for his quill and he began to write.

_Morgana, I haven’t any idea what to write to you. You have not received any of my other letters and I haven’t been able to reach you—or anyone—with my magic. I do not know if writing or sending this letter will be a waste. Please, if you receive this. Something has happened. My nightmares have changed. I cannot risk telling you how in this letter, Agravaine or his people may intercept it. Please give me a sign that you’re okay. – Merlin._

He blew softly on the paper to dry the ink and then he folded it. He walked over to the window and he cracked it open slowly. He whistled under his breath and seconds later, a large raven flew onto the window sill. “Hello Branwen.” Merlin whispered to the bird. The large bird tilted its head to the side, watching him carefully. He reached down to its feet and tied the letter to its leg. “Take this to Lady Morgana.”

Merlin’s fingers froze as he tied the knot around the Raven’s leg. He heard Gwaine and Gwen’s voices coming down the hall. He quickly finished tying the note, “Go, Branwen. Fly quickly.”

The raven blinked its eyes and hummed deep in its throat before flying off into the sky. Merlin slammed the window shut and grabbed the unopened letters off of the table. He went to his bed and shoved them under his pillow. As he did this, the door opened and Gwaine sauntered in.

“Good morning.” Gwaine said, he stopped mid-step when he saw Merlin wearing his old clothes. “Whoa. You look…” He had no words. It was like he had seen a ghost. Gwen came into the room a moment later carrying a tray of food. She turned her head in Merlin’s direction and the food sitting on the tray almost fell to the floor. Gwaine continued staring while saying, “This is the strangest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”

“Believe me,” Merlin brushed his hands over his clothes, “It’s even stranger for me.”

Gwen put the tray of food down on the table before she had a good look at the clothes Merlin was wearing. “It’s so odd.” She began, “Those clothes fit you the same as they had three years ago. But you look like a different person.”

Merlin had no idea what to say to that. Gwaine spoke instead, “It’s the hair. And the beard.” Merlin brought his hand up to rub his hair covered cheek. “Makes him look like someone else.”

Merlin walked over to the table and grabbed a piece of fruit from the tray. “I like my hair.” He could do without the beard, though he did like a bit of scruff.

“I do too.” Gwen smiled softly at him. “They make you look mature.” She stepped towards him, “Out of all of us, you’ve changed the most.” The tension in the air shifted. Merlin swallowed heavily as Gwen looked at him. “You’ve been through the most and it is only fitting that you no longer look like your past. I think we should all follow your lead.” She reached up and brushed some of his hair behind his ear. Her touch was very gentle and comforting.

Gwaine cleared his throat loudly from behind them, “As great as that is, Gwen, there is no way I’d cut my hair.”

Gwen dropped her hand to her side while she giggled, “I think the only way your hair would get cut, Gwaine, was if someone cut it while you slept.”

Gwaine laughed loudly, he opened his mouth to speak but the words died in his throat as a girl entered the room. Merlin looked between Gwen and Gwaine, and they both became nervous at her entrance. The girl, who had pale skin and brunette hair, she wore a servant’s dress and she was holding a tray of food.

Gwen wet her lips before saying, “Merlin, this is Isabelle. She works here in the castle.” The girl, Isabelle, curtsied.

“W-Why is she carrying another tray of food?” Merlin wondered, “Are you both eating with me?”

Merlin saw as Gwen and Gwaine shared a look. Gwaine coughed slightly, “No. We’re not eating with you.”

“Isabelle, you can place that down on the table.” Gwen said, taking the attention away from the question at hand. Isabelle crossed the room and placed it down. Merlin saw her eyes flick towards him and there was something odd about the look she gave him. It felt like a mix between fear and anger. She curtsied once more before she exited the room with haste. Gwen sighed, “Sorry about that. She works for Agravaine.”

Isabelle’s behaviour now made sense. Since Arthur declared Merlin would be staying in Camelot, within the citadel, Agravaine had been whispering about the halls. Reminding anyone that would listen that Merlin is a sorcerer and the man who killed Uther. From what Gwaine had told him, Agravaine was even reminding _Arthur_ that Merlin killed Uther. There was no doubt in Merlin’s mind that Agravaine was the reason for Isabelle’s attitude towards him.

“That poor girl,” Gwaine said as he shook his head. He made his way around the table to sit. “I would jump out of a window if I had to serve him.”

“I have served him.” Gwen folded her arms across her chest, “When he first came to Camelot I had to bring him his meals. He didn’t say much to me, but a few weeks after he came Isabelle was hired and I was no longer needed. And I’m glad. I hate how he treats Arthur.”

Gwaine sighed loudly and shook his head, “We should stop talking about this. Someone may be listening in.”

Gwen’s eyes widened slightly and Merlin wondered what that was about. But his attention was drawn back to the two trays sitting on his table. “Why are there two trays?” The pair shared a look and Merlin knew right away what was going on. “No.”

“Merlin, please, you need to speak with him.” Gwen pled, “He has been asking you to eat with him every day.”

Merlin rubbed his face tiredly, “I really do not want to deal with this early in the morning.” Merlin grabbed the second tray and handed it to Gwen, “Tell him I will speak to him soon.”

“Or you could tell me yourself.” Merlin stiffened. He looked to the door and there was Arthur. All Merlin could think of when looking at him was his nightmare. The terrifying smirk and the magic in his eyes sent a shiver down his spine. This Arthur, the _real_ Arthur, had a small smile on his face and his eyes were as blue as they’d always been. Arthur crossed the room and he took the tray from Gwen and placed it back down on the table. Without saying another word, he sat down and began to eat.

Merlin could only stare at him in disbelief.

Gwaine snorted slightly as he said, “I’ll be right outside if you need me, Merlin.” Then he snuck out of the room. Gwen looked between Arthur and Merlin before she followed Gwaine. She shut the door behind her and silence filled the room.

Merlin stood there, continuing to stare, until Arthur spoke. “Are you going to sit?” Merlin pursed his lips before he sat at the other end of the table. Far from where Arthur sat. Arthur frowned slightly before saying, “Why are you avoiding me?”

Merlin looked away, “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Arthur said, “You’ve barely said a word to me since I told you about… Those things. I’ve asked you to eat with me almost every day and you send Gwen to tell me no. When I see you in the halls, you almost turn in the other direction when you see me. Why are you avoiding me, Merlin?” Merlin grimaced at the sound of his name. He looked up and found Arthur staring at him. He knew there was no way he was getting out of this.

“Because I don’t know what to do.” He finally answered. Arthur’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I’ve been spending these past two weeks trying to figure out how to approach this situation and so far, I have nothing.”

“Why?” Arthur asked, he sounded small. “Is something wrong?”

 Merlin sighed, “There is a slight problem, yes.” He stood up, and he swore he saw Arthur flinch. He started towards the door and Arthur jumped up.

“You aren’t leaving, Merlin. We need to discuss this.” Arthur told him, “Please.”

Merlin turned back around, “I’m not leaving.”

Arthur blinked and slowly sat back down, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to use a silencing spell so I can talk freely without worrying about anyone listening in.” Merlin explained, he turned his head away from him and whispered a silencing spell out. The spell would allow him to talk at any volume and Gwaine – who was stationed outside the door – wouldn’t hear a thing. If the door were to be opened, the spell would be broken.

Once the spell was cast, Merlin turned back to Arthur. Arthur looked conflicted and Merlin presumed it was because he had used magic in front of him. He had done that before, after all he had saved Arthur from being impaled by an arrow a few weeks ago.

Arthur finally spoke up, “I’ve only ever seen magic used for harm.”

“No you haven’t.” Merlin said and Arthur looked even more conflicted. “I used to use magic around you all the time. I used it to save your life on more than one occasion.”

 “But I never saw you do it.” Arthur said quietly. “I’m thankful though,” he looked away from Merlin, “I know you’ve used your magic to protect me.” Merlin gulped heavily. He wondered briefly just how hard it was for Arthur to say that. Arthur was raised on the notion that magic was evil, and anyone that had magic was evil. Merlin knew Arthur’s opinions on magic, after years of warlocks and witches alike trying to _murder_ him—Arthur was right to have a fear of magic. Merlin couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Arthur to thank him.

“You don’t have to thank me.” Merlin told him, “I know how you feel about magic.”

Arthur shook his head, “Believe me Merlin, you don’t.”

“Don’t I?” Merlin folded his arms across his chest, “I haven’t been in Camelot for three years, do you remember why?”

“Merlin, please.” Arthur said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s fine. You probably hear enough about it from Agravaine and his people.” Merlin started to laugh quietly under his breath.

“His people are my people, Merlin.” Arthur said, “I’m the king.”

Merlin walked across the room to sit down at the table, he grabbed a strawberry off of his plate and popped it into his mouth. “If you say so.”

“What do you mean by that?” Arthur asked.

 Merlin shrugged as he sat, he chewed the strawberry slowly, “Nothing.”

“My uncle has helped me greatly since my father’s passing. I owe a lot to him, Camelot would have fallen if it were not for my uncle’s hard work to hold it together while I healed.” Arthur paused and glanced away for a second, “I hear people, they say my uncle is the one who makes all of the decisions and I sit there in silence. But that isn’t true. Out of everything in my life, Camelot is the one thing I have control of.” Merlin’s brow furrowed, what did Arthur mean by that? “I know you dislike him. You are not the only one, but he is my uncle and I trust him.”

“Of course.” Merlin said nodding, “He is family.”

Merlin thought back to his mother for a moment. He hadn’t seen her in years. After his banishment he had been too afraid to go back to see her and tell her that her son had killed the king. He wouldn’t want to see the disappointment on her face. Well, she probably heard anyway. He did miss her, though. He knew that if anything had happened to her, or if she was unwell, Gaius would have told him. Though, he and Gaius haven’t spoken much since his return to Camelot. He had to fix that. Gaius was once his only confidant. There was so much that had changed since then, but Merlin knew Gaius was still someone he could rely on. 

“H-How is Morgana?” Arthur’s voice brought him back to reality. “I know you’re very close to her.”

“I am.” Merlin said, “She is my closest friend.” Arthur smiled slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “She was there for me when no one else was.”

Arthur shifted again in his seat. “I’m glad you two were able to be there for each other.”

“I am too.” Merlin could remember the night Morgana found him, bloodied and bruised because of the knights that were sent to kill him. He swallowed hard and felt the anger simmering beneath his skin.

“When Queen Annis told us that you were seen with Morgana, many thought you had gone to her to get revenge.” Arthur smiled again, and still it did not reach his eyes. “For a while I, uh, I thought they were right.” Arthur shrugged and glanced away again.

“What changed your mind?” Merlin wondered.

Arthur kept his eyes glued to the open window as he whispered shyly, “You’re here now.” 

Merlin felt a weight lift off of his shoulders and he let out a breath. The morning sun shining in through the window created a soft glow surrounding Arthur, who had a light blush on his cheeks and was as shy as a newborn deer.

It reminded him so much of _that_ morning. The first morning he had woken in Arthur’s arms, surrounded by his warmth. And that terrifying thought that Arthur had made a mistake—that the night before was something that could never happen again. Then, looking into those beautiful blue eyes and being reassured that this was where they were supposed to be. This was what everything had been leading up to. Merlin was overcome with this feeling of… _Finally_. Finally, he and Arthur had reached that point. Finally, he had nothing to be afraid of because he was Arthur’s and Arthur was his.

Finally.

Merlin placed a careful hand over his chest in an attempt to calm himself. He had to remind himself that whatever happened in their past, was not happening now. He and Arthur weren’t together—and they were never going to _be_ together—there were larger concerns at hand. “I have my reasons.”

Arthur still remained fixed on the window as he asked, “What are they?”

“I came back to protect you.” Merlin said without thinking and Arthur gaze finally snapped back to him. “A-And Camelot,” he stuttered, realising what he had just said. He was back for Camelot, _not_ Arthur. “I came back to protect Camelot.”

Arthur seemed unbothered by his small mistake. “From what?” He asked.

Merlin almost laughed, “I don’t even know where to start.”

“The beginning.” Arthur told him, “That might be the easiest.”

“Okay,” Merlin wet his lips, “It’s complicated, so stick with me. A few months ago, I began to have nightmares where Camelot was being destroyed by a monstrous force. Something so powerful it swallowed the entire kingdom. And there was nothing I could do but stand there watching it happen. And they kept recurring, almost every night I dreamt of Camelot’s destruction. I told Morgana of the dreams, and she believed they were normal. She thought it was my longing to return to the kingdom turning into a fear that something may have happened while I was in exile.” He explained, “But then others began having similar dreams. They were all witnessing Camelot’s destruction. This alarmed both Morgana and I, and we began to send out letters to other magical communities—like our own. And by some chance, we reached an old ally of ours. It turned out, he had also been having dreams concerning Camelot. Which was even stranger, because he never lived in Camelot. But his nightmares were detailed, he saw places in his dream that he had never seen with his own eyes.”

Arthur seemed to be at a loss for words until he said absently, “Those with magic are dreaming of Camelot’s demise…”

“Yeah… The thing is,” Merlin continued, “no one that Morgana or I have spoken to about their dreams were doing any of the destruction. They were all watching on helplessly, as though they wanted to help. They wanted to save those that were dying. They wanted to stop it.”

“Then who is destroying my kingdom?” Arthur inquired, “Who is powerful enough to destroy Camelot?”

“Well,” Merlin tapped his fingers against the table nervously, “we’re not sure who they are.”

“What?!” Arthur hissed, he slammed his hands down on the table, “You don’t know who they are?”

Merlin held up his hands in defense, “L-Let me explain, Morgana and I aren’t sure who they are. Our ally that we got into contact with, he knows—kind of.”

Arthur’s brow furrowed, “That still means you don’t know who they are, Merlin.”

“No, listen to me. Our ally has been telling us about them. We know of them, but we don’t _know_ them…” He chuckled nervously, “They’re a group of rogue sorcerers, apparently. Well, he says that their group has already recruited hundreds possibly even thousands of warlocks and witches to fight with them, to the point that it is an army. They approached him asking him to join their cause.”

“Which is?”

“To destroy Camelot and conquer Albion.” Merlin put simply. “According to our ally, they have the ability to do that. He’s seen their powers in action and they’re beyond both Morgana’s powers and mine combined. Which is saying something, because she is the last High Priestess and I am the last Dragonlord. Our powers are supposed to be the strongest in the land, but if what our ally says is true and if our nightmares are visions of the future—they’re far stronger.”

Arthur was pensive for a moment before asking, “That doesn’t answer why you’re here. Why do I need protecting?”

He pursed his lips, “Y-You don’t. It’s Camelot that needs to be protected.”

Arthur deadpanned, “Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stood up, intending on going to open the door and reverse the spell. He wanted out. Before he could even get halfway across the room, Arthur was up and grabbing onto his arm. Merlin looked down at where Arthur was holding on to his arm and he gulped. This is the first time he and Arthur have touched in three years.

“Stop. Avoiding. Me.” Arthur said in a serious tone, “Why do you need to protect me? What is going on?”

Merlin took his eyes away from the hand on his arm to look up at Arthur’s face. “Morgana and I believe—through what our ally has told us about the army… They, uh,” he broke off and pulled his arm away from Arthur’s grasp.

“They what, Merlin?” Arthur folded his arms across his chest.

“They need you.” Merlin said and Arthur took a step away. “We believe that in order for them to conquer Albion… They’ll need you to destroy Camelot.”

Arthur stepped away even farther. His eyes were wide in disbelief and he was breathing heavily. “T-That’s… How could I destroy my own kingdom?”

“We don’t know.” Merlin replied, “All we know is that that is their plan.” Merlin didn’t want to tell Arthur that he and Morgana had their theories. They believed that Arthur’s mind had been tampered with, long before Merlin had had his first nightmare.

“But why is it they need me? Can they not just destroy Camelot and me with it?” Arthur asked him, “I don’t understand why they need me.”

“You’re the king of Camelot.” Merlin said, “You can do whatever you want, and no one will try to stop you. Even if that means letting you destroy the kingdom.” Arthur turned away from him and Merlin could tell Arthur was barely keeping it together. He was clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides and Merlin could see Arthur’s jaw tensing, even with his back turned to him. “Arthur—”

“You said there was a problem earlier.” Arthur said, “What is it?”

Merlin sighed, “I haven’t heard from Morgana since I started staying here.”

“Why do you need her?”

“Because I don’t know what to do.” Merlin said to him, “You told me you need us, but it is far too dangerous for Morgana to come here. The only way is for you to come with me to Caerleon but I need to know whether it is safe to take you. Since I haven’t been able to get a hold of Morgana, we’d be blind to any attack.” Merlin rubbed the back of his neck absently, “We need to wait until I can talk to Morgana to leave.”

“No,” Arthur spun back around, “I can’t wait that long.” His face was full of worry, but the anger from earlier was still there. He crossed back towards Merlin and grabbed his upper arms, “I-I can’t, Merlin.”

“Arthur,” Merlin carefully reached up and placed his hands over Arthur’s shoulders. He could feel the heat radiating off of Arthur though the thin tunic he was wearing. Merlin’s hands trembled slightly but he hoped Arthur didn’t notice. “What’s wrong?”

Arthur closed his eyes and he looked as if he was in pain, “I don’t—”

Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw the door begin to move. As it opened, it reversed the spell, allowing whoever was on the other side of it to hear them. It was Gwaine, of course, who walked in. Whatever he was about to say died in his throat when he saw Merlin and Arthur standing in the room with their hands on each other.

A second passed before Merlin stepped away from Arthur, letting his arms fall at his side. Arthur stared at him for a moment before he cleared his throat and asked, “What is it, Gwaine?”

“Lord Agravaine wishes to talk to you, Sire.” Gwaine said to him, “He said it was urgent.” Gwaine kept his face serious even though Merlin knew he was dying to say something.  

“Thank you. I’ll go speak to him.” Arthur hesitated for a moment as if he wanted to say something more, but he said nothing. Instead he left the room to go find his uncle.

As he passed by Gwaine, the knight smirked and then watched him leave the room. Once he was gone, Gwaine shut the door and said, “So I assume you two are talking then?”

Merlin sent a glare his way and Gwaine burst into laughter. Merlin crossed the room to grab a goblet of water, and as he drank it he smiled. He was happy he and Arthur had talked. Though his and Arthur’s conversation had been short and he had yet to figure out why Arthur needed him and Morgana—he was happy. He had missed talking to Arthur. He had missed his voice. He had had a taste of something he had been missing for three years.

Of course, he knew deep down that he couldn’t let himself enjoy this moment. Arthur was why he was banished. Arthur was the reason why he had been beaten the night of his banishment. Arthur still hated his kind for having magic. While this moment reminded him of what his life had been like before his exile and before his magic was known, he had to remember that _this_ was his world now. Knowing him though, he was bound to forget.

* * *

That afternoon, after finally eating his breakfast and escaping from Gwaine’s ever watching eyes, he found himself walking down the stairs to Gaius’s quarters. He had tricked Gwaine into taking him to the market, a place that he knew would be crowded. Quickly, without fail, he hid in the sea of people and managed to get away from his friend. He felt almost bad, because he knew Gwaine would be worrying about him. But he had things to do. He had to talk to someone about his nightmares and he knew Gaius was that person.

He knocked carefully on Gaius’s door before he pushed it open. He hadn’t been in here since his return, and yet it still looked the exact same. There were books upon books piled up on almost every surface. And there were potions bottled up and strewn about the room. Merlin glanced about the room and he found that Gaius wasn’t there.

He pursed his lips for a moment, trying to figure what he should do while he waited for Gaius’s return. Then, slowly, he noticed a door cracked open and he sucked in a breath. It was his room. Or was it? Gwen had said Gaius had never taken on a new apprentice since his banishment but that didn’t mean that Gaius hadn’t taken the room for himself.

With sure steps, Merlin walked up to the room. He nudged the door open with his hand and he was shocked to see that nothing had changed. His room was the exact same. He let out a watery laugh and walked inside. All of his belongings still sat in their places, as if Gaius had locked this room the moment Merlin was banished. Merlin picked up one of his old spell books off of the table beside his old bed. He somehow missed the feeling of the old leather against his fingers. It felt like so long ago he was training to remember all of the spells in this book, when now he had mastered so many more. He had no need for spell books anymore.

When he lifted his fingers from the book, he noticed a lack of dust. He looked to the others and found they were clean, as well. Actually, the whole room was clean.

“I thought perhaps you’d come to visit, so I thought I’d clean.” Merlin heard from behind him, he spun around and found Gaius standing in the doorway. Gaius smiled fondly at him before asking, “Does Gwaine know you’re here?”

“No.” He said sheepishly, “I lost him in the market.”

Gaius shook his head disapprovingly, “You know he will search everywhere for you. If he isn’t on his way here now, he’ll be here soon.” Merlin nodded and he carefully placed the book back down where he’d found it. “How have you been, Merlin?”

Merlin looked to him, “I’ve been okay, I think.”

Gaius frowned, “You think?”

“There has been a lot going on lately.” Merlin admitted.

“Come, why don’t we sit.” Gaius motioned for Merlin to follow him out of the room. They sat down at the tiny table—the same table Merlin had had meal after meal at before his banishment.

Gaius cleared his throat once he was seated and said, “I want to ask you something, and you do not have to answer me if you do not wish.” Just as Merlin was beginning to say, “I need to talk to you about something.” They both laughed and Merlin motioned for Gaius to speak.

“How were you after… That day?” Gaius asked him carefully. Merlin could tell Gaius was nervous to ask him about that day. Merlin could always tell when Gaius was nervous or hesitant to do something. His hands flexed more often than usual and his eyes shifted around the room more.

Merlin sighed, “I was in very bad shape. I wanted nothing more than to come back to Camelot to explain myself, but I was terrified of what would happen if I did. Arthur spared my life and told me he’d kill me if I returned, then he ended up almost killing me anyway—so I had no idea what would happen if I chose to come back.” Merlin reached up and adjusted his neckerchief awkwardly, “Morgana found me barely alive. She brought me back to where she was staying and she nursed me back to health. Both physically and mentally. She knew what it was like to be shunned by the people you once considered to be your family.”

“Merlin,” Gaius said quietly, “None of us wanted you gone.”

“I know that now. You’ve all welcomed me back with open arms and I’m truly thankful. But when I was laying there in the dead of night unable to move because of how bad it hurt, I felt as if I had no one. I could only think of how you were all in Camelot and I was there.” Merlin explained, and he was appreciative. Before he went to Gwen’s house that first night, he had been terrified she would announce his arrival to all of Camelot and seen him dead by Arthur’s hand. Having her embrace him with tears and a hug was more than he could have ever wished for. “For the first few months, I was in a very dark place. I barely ate and I barely slept. I kind of just… Stared off into nothingness. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had revealed my magic and killed Uther.” Merlin shrugged and placed his arms on the table. “The first time I left the hut where Morgana and I were staying, was to see the castle she had found in Caerleon. That is when Queen Annis saw me with her, and told Arthur.”

“Was that not when Morgana had approached Queen Annis to attack Camelot?” Gaius wondered and he raised his eyebrow.

Merlin let out puff of air that sounded like a laugh. “Yes, Morgana did do that. But before you ask, she’s over that now. Anything she does now is to protect Camelot, rather than destroy it.”

Gaius sat back in his chair, “I thought I would never see the day.”

“It took me a very long time to get her to this point, believe me.” Merlin said thinking back to all of the times he had to teach Morgana to channel her anger through her magic. “Though, she still dislikes Arthur—that hasn’t changed.”

“Of course.” Gaius nodded, there was a pause before he spoke again, “You mentioned going to see a castle Morgana had found in Caerleon. Is that where you live now?”

“Yes, Caerleon Castle,” he smiled, “that’s what we call it. We claimed it as our own, even with it being frowned upon by King Caerleon and Queen Annis. We lived there on our own for quite some time. And then, our castle seemed to become a sanctuary for those with magic. Druids, sorcerers and witches, even magical creatures, they all live in the castle with us. We’re a community of sorts.” Merlin had to contain how happy he was at that. Caerleon Castle was something he had dreamt of long ago. It was something any magic wielding person imagined. A place where they could use their magic, freely and without ridicule. “Morgana and I are the unofficial leaders of the community. They all look to us for guidance.”

“Do they know you’ve returned to Camelot?” Gaius questioned, “I imagine many of them come from Camelot and were pushed to leave because of their magic.”

“They all know.” Merlin said, “We don’t keep secrets from them. Secrets lead to lies, which lead to mistrust. You can’t have a community without trust and honesty. Which is why, when many of them began to have those nightmares where Camelot was being destroyed—we held a meeting trying to figure out what to do. And we decided, that we’d all work to protect it. Even those who had lost loved ones because of the magic ban… They want to protect Camelot because it’s their home.” They told the community that this was something they had a choice in: they could fight to protect Camelot or they could stay in Caerleon. Overwhelmingly, almost all of the community chose to join the fight to protect it—people who never stepped foot into Camelot had wanted to fight because they could tell how much this mattered to him, Morgana and to the others who knew Camelot to be a great kingdom.   

“I am very proud of you, Merlin.” Gaius’s voice was full of emotion. “You have achieved so much after being pushed down to the ground. That is something not everyone can do. I do wish, though, it had been different circumstances that led you to being the great man you are today, but they do say you need to be at your lowest point to reach your highest.” Merlin bit his lip, he wished that there had been different circumstances too. He wished Gaius and the others had seen him get up off the ground and keep fighting even though each day he felt like giving up. “If you don’t mind me asking, Merlin… What did you mean by what you said earlier?” Merlin tilted his head to the side, not understanding what Gaius was referring to. “You said Arthur had tried to kill you. What do you mean?”

Merlin clenched his fists slightly and he saw Gaius’s eyes follow the movement. He felt anger simmer deep inside of him, he tried to contain it as he spoke. “After Arthur banished me and spared my life, he sent knights to kill me.”

Gaius’s face went up in surprise, “What are you talking about?”

“The night I was exiled. Arthur told me he wasn’t going to kill me, but he was going to banish me. I thought he was sparing my life because I was his friend. But instead, he gave me a false hope. His knights beat me to an inch of my life and then left me for dead.”

“No, he didn’t.” Gaius said, “Arthur would never do such a thing.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Both you and Gwen have said that. But I know what happened. The nights that attacked me were Knights of Camelot. Only Arthur has power over them.”

“That may be true,” Gaius said carefully, “But Arthur did not order them to hurt you, Merlin.” Merlin opened his mouth to interrupt but Gaius held up his hand, silencing him. “When the guards took you from Uther’s room, Arthur fell into hysterics. He was barely breathing and I feared he was going into shock. We attempted to have him moved from the floor to his own room, but he would not budge. And when we finally got him to move, it was early in the morning. He never said a word to anyone the whole night. In fact, Arthur said nothing to no one for weeks after Uther’s death. There is no way he could have done that to you.”

Merlin cast his eyes down, if what Gaius was saying was true—then who had sent the knights after him? Had the knights gone after him solely because they were upset about Uther’s death? Why hadn’t Arthur denied it? He had brought it up to him, saying that he ordered his men to kill him but Arthur had said _nothing_.

“Merlin, since we are on the topic of Uther’s passing, there is something I want to discuss with you about that night—” As Gaius began to speak, the door to his chambers opened and a boy stumbled in.

He was lanky and quite tall for his age, and his face was riddled with acne. His hair was short and dirty blond hair, and he wore clothing no doubt made by his mother. Merlin wondered if his voice had even changed yet. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.” The boy’s voice cracked as if on cue and Merlin found himself smiling.

“No, it is fine.” Gaius said turning to the boy, “Come in.” The boy walked down the few steps towards the table and he stared hesitantly at Merlin. “Well don’t just stand there, introduce yourself.”

The boy blinked and said, “Hello, I’m Aldwyn. I-I live in the town here.” The boy, Aldwyn, stuck out his hand. Merlin could see the hand trembling slightly in the air. He was either very intimidated by Merlin being there, or he was nervous to speak to him.

Merlin reached out and shook it, “I’m Merlin.”

Aldwyn retracted his hand quickly as if it had been burned and he looked to Gaius, “He’s Merlin? _The_ Merlin?”

“Yes.” Gaius said with a short laugh, “This is Merlin.”

Aldwyn looked back to him in awe, “But you look so different than how Gaius described you. I mean, your clothes kind of look like how I imagined they’d be but…” Aldwyn sighed loudly, “It really is a pleasure to meet you, Merlin. Gaius has told me so much about you.”

Gaius spoke next, “Aldwyn lives here in the town. He has an interest in medicine, and I have chosen to teach him some of what I know. Though, he is just starting his learnings, he is not my apprentice yet. He has a long way to go. For now, I have him going into the forest to retrieve herbs for me.”

“I can remember doing that. I enjoyed it, it was nice to get out of the town once and a while.” He could recall searching for all kind of herbs in the forests surrounding the town. On days when the weather was nice, he’d lay down on the soft grass and stare up at the sky. He wouldn’t have a care in the world—that is until he fell asleep, was late returning to Gaius and Arthur yelled at him for going to the tavern even though that was never the case.

He swallowed heavily and glanced away. He missed it. He missed everything from before. He missed waking up in that tiny bed, and reading those spell books in his free time—learning spells and learning about magical creatures. He missed going out and about throughout the town, learning about people and what kinds of illnesses there were. He missed having Arthur scold him for being late because he had to help Gaius create a potion.

Before he realised it, he had zoned out while Aldwyn was telling Gaius about a patient in the town who had accidentally spilled the antidote Gaius had given them, and needed a new one. Gaius stood and crossed the room, with Aldwyn following him obediently. Merlin saw how intently he watched Gaius stir the ingredients together, there was a curiosity in his eyes that Merlin envied.

He was about to stand and tell Gaius he would return later when he wasn’t busy with Aldwyn, when Gwaine came tumbling into the room. “Merlin!” He shouted when he saw Merlin sitting at Gaius’s table. “I have been searching everywhere for you!” Gwaine was panting heavily and his hair was soaked with sweat. “I lost you in the market and I thought someone had grabbed you.”

“I’m fine.” Merlin tried not to grumble, after all, it was Gwaine’s duty to protect him—he just wished he could go about with his business without having him there. “I just wanted to talk to Gaius.”

Gwaine put his hands on his hips, “Well then. Next time can you let me know? This was going to be the last place I checked before I went to tell Arthur you were gone.”

“Where did you check before here?” Merlin asked him, he thought this would be the first place Gwaine would check.

Gwaine walked rather into the room while giving Merlin a look, “The tavern of course. Where else would you have been?”

“Literally anywhere else.” Merlin told him but Gwaine just laughed, well he tried to—it was more of a collection of harsher breathes in between his huffing and puffing.

Gwaine went up to Aldwyn and ruffled his hair, “Hello Aldwyn, how are you today?”

“I’m fine, Sir Gwaine.” Aldwyn shied away from Gwaine and continued to watch Gaius concoct the potion. Merlin could see from across the room Gaius was creating a potion to cure a cough. The potion was green in colour and if he could remember correctly, it smelt of mint. “Do you need more horehound?” Aldwyn asked Gaius, “Have you run out?”

“No,” Gaius said to him, “I have some up there on that shelf.” Gaius pointed towards a shelf some distance away. Aldwyn went over to fetch it. Gaius looked over to Merlin, “Merlin, could we continue our talk later? I do have much to ask you but I am afraid I am busy with this potion.”

“Of course,” Merlin smiled, “I will come back later.” He had completely forgotten to discuss his nightmares and Arthur’s involvement in them with Gaius. That is why he had abandoned Gwaine in the market place and he completely lost track of his purpose. Merlin wanted to slap himself for being such an idiot. He would make sure to come back to speak with Gaius soon.

“Alright, my boy.” Gaius smiled warmly, “I will see you soon.”

He and Gwaine bid their farewells to both Gaius and Aldwyn and they left. As they walked up the stairs towards the citadel, Gwaine wrapped his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “Aldwyn is a good kid,” he said as he brought Merlin in close, “he’s kind and he’s very helpful. I found him in the town one day following Gaius, I thought he was going to steal something from him. So I stopped him. Turned out, Aldwyn was fascinated with the work Gaius was doing. I told Gaius about it, and Gaius was more than welcome to teach Aldwyn about medicine.” Gwaine rubbed Merlin’s shoulder with his hand, “I think Gaius appreciates the help. He can’t go scavenging for herbs or walk around the town as much to deliver things. He _is_ old.” Gwaine paused for a moment. “Don’t tell him I said that, last time I told him he was old he smacked me.”

Merlin folded his arms across his chest, nodding along with whatever Gwaine was saying. Gaius _was_ old. He wasn’t as strong as he used to be. Merlin feared that if he brought up the magic Arthur may or may not have, Gaius would begin to worry about the king. He didn’t want to put stress on him. That would be the last thing he wanted to do.

“Hey,” Gwaine nudged him slightly, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Merlin tried to reassure his friend. “I’m just a little tired. I think I might go back to my room and sleep.”

Gwaine side eyed him, “Alright. Let’s go then.”

Gwaine walked him back through the castle. They passed by Gwen in the halls, but she was too busy to say hello. She had her hands full dealing with a basket of Arthur’s clothes and Isabelle. Gwen looked irritated beyond belief. Isabelle on the other hand seemed to be calm and composed.

When they reached his room, Gwaine opened the door for him but didn’t follow him inside. Gwaine leaned against the doorway and said, “Sleep well, okay? You look like you need it.”

Merlin pressed his lips together, “I’ll try.”

“You better.” Gwaine winked, “I’ll be outside if you need me.” Gwaine shut the doors and Merlin was left alone, confused as usual. At least this time he wasn’t trapped in the room with Arthur.  

He yawned to himself before slipping off his boots. He was about to head straight to his bed when he heard a soft pecking noise. He looked about his room before he saw a shadow in his window.

 _Branwen_.

Quickly, he went to the window and opened it. Branwen sat on the stoop, staring at him with her head tilted to its side. She chirped loudly and Merlin looked down to her leg. The letter was gone. “Did you deliver it to Lady Morgana?” Branwen blinked at him. He had trained Branwen himself, Branwen knew to give the letter to the person it was addressed to, and no one else.

He saw there was no letter in return, which was fine. As long as he knew Morgana had read the letter, he knew she was safe. Merlin pet Branwen’s head softly before going over to the table to grab a piece of bread. He handed the piece to her and she chirped once more, before flying away. He shut the window and closed the drapes, blocking out the afternoon sun and blanketing his room in darkness.

With the news that was Morgana was safe and sound, he had one less thing to be worried about. Now all he needed was for Morgana to contact him so he could get things moving along.

He stretched his arms out over his head and he yawned once more. Though he lied to Gwaine about wanting to sleep just so he could be left alone, with his drapes shut and his room dark, he found himself actually wanting to sleep. Sleeping wasn’t something that came by easily for him, his nightmares generally turned him off of the idea.

He walked over to his bed and climbed under the covers. He thought briefly of Arthur, knowing the king was no doubt just down in the hall in his own room. He wondered what Agravaine had to tell him this morning that had been so important. He hadn’t heard anything from Gwaine, or anyone else for that matter, so it must not be anything to be concerned about.

Merlin rolled over onto his side and tucked his arm under his pillow. He carefully shut his eyes, hoping that no nightmares would creep their way into his head while he slept.

* * *

That afternoon, he slept soundly. He had no nightmare. He had no thoughts of Camelot being destroyed, or anything related to that. It was the calmest sleep he’d had in months.

He dreamt of a river. Though he wasn’t sure what about the river.

The river was in the depths of Camelot’s forests, past each nook and cranny and behind the largest of boulders. He had stumbled upon it one day looking for a particular herb. This river was gentle, and it brought a certain serenity to its surroundings. Merlin had sat near it watching the water ebb and flow for hours without realising it.

This place soon became his escape. Whenever things became tough or he had to work through something on his own, he went to the river. After Morgana’s betrayal, he visited the riverside whenever he could. Some days, he said nothing and left.

On one day in particular, he did just that. The sun had yet to rise and he was sneaking out of his and Gaius’s chambers. He tiptoed through the halls of the citadel and through the streets of the castle town, until he was able to get through the gates without being noticed. He walked for an hour or two until he found the path to the river. When he finally reached it, the sun was peeking in through the tree branches and onto the water, making it glisten with golden hues. It was beautiful.

He sat there almost the entire day, until his peace was disturbed.

“You know, you’re probably the easiest person to track in all of Camelot?” The silence was broken and his train of thought was lost. Merlin wondered how he had found him. He swore he had snuck out without being noticed. “You’re not exactly sneaky, Merlin.” Arthur had replied after Merlin asked how he knew where he’d gone. A moment passed before Arthur spoke again, “You can’t just leave without telling anyone.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, still staring at the water. In the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur sit down next to him. “Did you come me here to take me back?”

“No.” Arthur said, “I came here to make sure you were safe.”

The silence was filled by the sounds of the water flowing gently and the sounds of the leaves blowing in the trees over their heads. It was disturbed once more by Arthur’s voice, “When I was younger, I used to sneak out of the castle and go into the forests to play. Most of the time I was on my own, though Morgana joined me sometimes, but she was always following the rules, so it wasn’t very often that she was there with me. I always pretended I was battling dragons and saving princesses, or I was leading the Knights of Camelot to war. Other times, I just sat. I found a nice tree and I sat there until I knew people would start looking for me.” Merlin glanced at Arthur as he spoke, but Arthur kept his eyes ahead of him. “The forests were my home away from home. They were where I could cry without anyone watching. I could find peace even in the most chaotic of times while I sat among the trees.” Arthur finally looked to him, his eyes were heavy with emotion. “Everyone needs their own place where they don’t have to worry about anyone or anything, even me.” Arthur reached down and grasped Merlin’s hand, “I’m glad you’ve found your place, Merlin.” He brought Merlin’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles, “Please tell me when you’re leaving next time, I was worried.”

Merlin tightened his hand around Arthur’s, “I will.”

After that, Arthur often tagged along on Merlin’s trips to the river. He never spoke while they were there. He knew that this was Merlin’s time and he wasn’t going to disturb it. There was one occasion, where he and Arthur did speak to each other. Merlin knew that day was what he was dreaming of. Though, he couldn’t tell.

All he knew was that he was dreaming of the sound of the river and he was warm. He was more at ease with himself than he had been for a long time. It felt like he was really sitting there by the riverside, listening to the river run softly.

* * *

When he woke, it was to the sound of a young girl’s voice. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the lack of light in his room. When his eyes finally focussed, he found Isabelle—Agravaine’s maid—standing by his bedside. She held a candle in one hand and the other was pressed against her chest. The light made the pale skin appear even lighter, Merlin swore she was a ghost.

“Yes?” He said, his voice gravely from sleep.

“Lord Agravaine wishes to speak to you.” Her voice quivered as she spoke to him. He frowned deeply, why in the world would Agravaine want to talk to him? He definitely did not want to talk to him. “Now.” Isabelle said, attempting to make her measly voice stern.

“Okay.” He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and got out of bed. Before he followed her out of the room, he peeked past the drapes in his room and found the moon was high in the sky. How long had he been asleep for? Why didn’t Gwaine wake him for dinner? He glanced to Isabelle before he went to slip on his boots. Once he was done, Isabelle pilled open his door and walked out, waving at him to follow her.

He stepped out into the hall and saw the guards stationed outside his door were ignoring the situation completely. One was looking up at the ceiling and the other was looking down at his boots. Merlin let out a sigh, he expected as much. Isabelle cleared her throat and she began to walk down the hall. He followed her a few steps behind just in case something (or someone) tried to pop out and hurt him. They passed by Arthur’s door on their way down the hall, and Merlin found himself pulled to it. He paused and stared at it for a moment, before Isabelle cleared her throat again. As he walked away from the door, he thought he heard something banging inside.  

He stopped and looked back, was that Arthur? He blinked and took in the fact that the two guards outside Arthur’s room were unfazed by the noise and were staring at him. “Sorry,” he said, “I’m just admiring the woodwork.” He awkwardly pointed to the door, “I-It’s very nice… Wood.” He turned away and caught up with Isabelle, while simultaneously biting his tongue for being an idiot.

He tried to put it all to the back of his mind as Isabelle led him through the castle. He couldn’t allow himself to be distracted while talking to Agravaine.

Merlin was glad to know that Agravaine’s room was in an entirely different hall than his and Arthur’s. Once they reached Agravaine’s room, Isabelle stopped and delicately knocked. A second passed before the doors opened, Agravaine stood on the other side.

“Thank you, Isabelle.” Agravaine said, his voice was low and he smiled at her. Merlin felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. “Merlin,” Agravaine said, “Do come in.”

Agravaine’s room was quite big, it was larger than Merlin’s. There were several candelabras lit throughout the room, creating a strange atmosphere. At the large table were two place settings, one Merlin assumed was for Agravaine and the other was for him. As he stepped into the room, Agravaine shut the doors, leaving Isabelle out.

“Why don’t you sit?” Agravaine said as he walked towards the table. “I have much I want to discuss with you.” Agravaine sat down and smiled at him, it was the same smile he had given Isabelle—it still made Merlin uncomfortable.

He sat down and Agravaine poured him a glass of wine. He even handed Merlin a plate of food, “Please, do eat. I understand you haven’t eaten dinner.”

Merlin eyed the food suspiciously before saying, “I’m not hungry.”

Agravaine raised an eyebrow but shrugged. “That is fine. If you do get hungry, then do eat. We wouldn’t want you to waste away, now would we?” Merlin said nothing in reply. Agravaine wet his lips before speaking, “I believe we got off on the wrong foot, Merlin. The other week—the shouting, the insults—it wasn’t anyone’s finest moments I’m sure.”

Merlin smirked as he remembered what he said to Agravaine that day, “ _Because you’re a power sucking leech and you’re only using your relation to Arthur to get closer to the throne._ ”

Agravaine continued on, “I would like to apologise for any hostility I may have directed towards you, Merlin. I was simply looking out my nephew and his kingdom. I knew so little about you, other than knowing you are the one who killed Uther.”

Merlin shrugged, “That’s all you need to know about me.”

“Merlin, please.” Agravaine pursed his lips, “I mean no harm, I am saying that is all I knew about you. I still do not know much about you. I wish to spend this time to get to know you, if you don’t mind.” He did mind, but he wasn’t going to say anything. “Where did you come from?”

“Cenred’s kingdom.” Merlin said, he wasn’t going to tell Agravaine the name of his village. His mother still lived there, he would be putting her at risk.

“Oh, Essetir.” Agravaine hummed, “Lovely kingdom.” 

“I suppose.” 

“Why did you leave for Camelot?” Agravaine asked him.

“My mother wanted me to be trained in medicine. She sent me to work for Gaius.” Merlin said, “Uther made me Arthur’s servant after I saved Arthur’s life.”

“Oh?” Agravaine said, obviously shocked. “You saved Arthur’s life? How?”

“I saved him from being stabbed by a crazy singing lady.” Merlin began tapping his foot against the stone floor, “Why do you want to know so much?”

Agravaine picked up his goblet and drank from it, “Like I said Merlin, I want to know you.” Merlin pressed his lips together and said nothing. Agravaine took the opportunity to talk about himself, “My sister was Arthur’s mother, her name was Ygraine. She was a very beautiful woman, she had long golden hair and her eyes were the brightest of blues. Arthur reminds me of her in so many ways. She was a kind woman, always fair and just. She died giving birth to Arthur, as so many women do. After her death, our brother Tristan believed Uther was the reason behind Ygraine’s death. He battled Uther, and Uther won.” Agravaine spoke he stood, still carrying his goblet of wine, and headed towards one of his many windows. “I told myself I was going to stay for Arthur’s sake. He was my sister’s son. When Arthur was fairly young, Morgana’s father Gorlois died. Though he did not say, I know Uther had something to do with his death. I left. I could not stand to follow a man that killed all of his loved ones.” Agravaine shook his head, “I left my nephew behind and I worried for him each and every day.”  

Merlin had to bite back his anger at that. If Agravaine had been so concerned about Arthur all of those years, why hadn’t he swallowed his pride and returned for his sake? It made no sense.

“When I heard Uther had died, I was devastated. I couldn’t imagine what Arthur was going through, the poor boy. His father was dead and he’d be made king without any time to mourn.” He drank again. Merlin had a feeling this conversation was taking a turn for the worst. “I came as soon as I heard, and I made sure Arthur was able to heal.” A beat passed before Agravaine said, “When I learned it had been Arthur’s best friend who killed Uther, I was furious. I couldn’t fathom someone so close to Arthur betraying him like that. The fact that you also had magic was no surprise to me. You had probably been planning his assassination for months.”

“That isn’t true,” Merlin said, “I didn’t kill Uther on purpose.”

Agravaine drank again, “There’s no point in lying to me, Merlin. I’m not Arthur. You do not have to be afraid to upset me.”

Merlin scowled, “What? You think I’m lying to Arthur just so he won’t be upset? I’m telling the truth, I didn’t kill Uther intentionally. Something happened when I cast my spell and it didn’t work. I don’t know what went wrong.”

Agravaine let out a puff of air, he continued on as if Merlin had said nothing. “We learned a few months after Uther’s death that you had joined Morgana—and that, too, did not surprise me. You both have magic, you were friends before she joined forces with Morgause—of course you were allies with her. Planning and conspiring to kill your king. All while hiding the fact you were sending letters to her in secrecy. The raven you chose to trust is a good one, such a beautiful bird… A bit daft though, thought Isabelle was Morgana and delivered the letter to the wrong person.”

Merlin stopped and his eyes widened, “W-What are you talking about?”

Agravaine reached into his robe and pulled out a piece of paper. Merlin recognised it to be the one he had attached to Branwen’s leg that very morning. “ _Morgana, I haven’t any idea what to write to you. You have not received any of my other letters and I haven’t been able to reach you—or anyone—with my magic. I do not know if writing or sending this letter will be a waste. Please, if you receive this. Something has happened. My nightmares have changed. I cannot risk telling you how in this letter, Agravaine or his people may intercept it. Please give me a sign that you’re okay. – Merlin._ ” Agravaine read out loud. “You have been sending secret letters to her.”

“What did you do to her?” Merlin stood up slowly, he could feel his magic beginning to buzz angrily inside of him. If Agravaine touched Morgana, he would destroy him.

“I’ve done nothing. I haven’t any idea why she hasn’t spoken to you.” Agravaine said with a sly smile, “But I find it peculiar, you say you have things you cannot mention in a letter to her out of fear I will read it… What are you hiding Merlin?”

“Nothing that concerns you.” Merlin said, clenching his fists at his side. He was forcing himself to not cast and knock Agravaine off of his feet.

“You see, but it does concern me.” Agravaine threw the letter behind him and began to walk slowly towards Merlin. “My name is written in that letter. When you wrote my name, it became my business. It became Arthur’s business.” Merlin suddenly thought of that morning when Gwaine came into Arthur’s room, telling him that Agravaine had something urgent to discuss with him. “I told my dear nephew of your secret letters and he wasn’t surprised. It was as if he knew that you were attempting to reach Morgana.” Agravaine began walking slowly towards him, “I do not know what it is you need Morgana for, or why you found it necessary to tell Arthur—who has more to worry about than your silly little games—but I will find out. No matter how hard you try to keep it from me. I do intend to find out by any means necessary.” Agravaine stopped right in front of him, he was so close Merlin could smell his breath on his face. “And you will leave Arthur out of it. Do you understand me, _Merlin_? Leave. Him. Alone.”  Agravaine’s lips turned up in a smirk, “Or I will kill you.” Agravaine moved even closer to him before he shouted, “Isabelle!”

The doors opened, “Yes, my lord?”

“See that Merlin gets back to his room safely.” Agravaine turned from him and Merlin let out a breath of relief. He headed towards the doors with haste, but not before Agravaine spoke again. “And Merlin?” He said, with his back turned to him. “It was a pleasure getting to know you.” Merlin left the room quickly, passing by Isabelle who shut the doors behind him. She made no move to actually follow him to his room, and he was completely fine with that.

All Merlin could think of on his way through the halls was the letter. If it was Agravaine who had his letter, and not Morgana—then he still had no idea whether or not his friend was safe. He needed to know where she was. Not only that, but why was Agravaine so angry that he had been speaking to Arthur? Something was definitely going on. 

He walked down the hall, his magic still simmered beneath his skin angrily. He could feel it trying to bounce out of him to relieve some of the pressure. He was so wound up about so many things. He wanted to know why his nightmares had changed, he wanted to know where Morgana was, he wanted to know why Arthur needed their help, he wanted to know why Agravaine was threatening him—and he had no answers. He groaned loudly and rubbed his face out of frustration. 

Once he was in his own room, his shut the door and locked it with a spell. He wished he was still asleep, dreaming of the river and feeling at ease. If Isabelle hadn’t woken him up, he’d still be there listening to the water and having no care in the world. He rested his head against the door and breathed in deeply.

After a minute or so, he moved to go to his bed but he stopped in his tracks. There was someone sitting on his bed.

“What are you doing?” He asked.  

“I need to talk to you.” Arthur replied from the bed, Merlin could barely make him out in the darkness. “I couldn’t wait until morning.”

“What is it?”

Arthur shifted on the bed anxiously, “You said earlier that you were having nightmares. About Camelot being destroyed.” Merlin slowly made his way towards Arthur, he could see the king fiddling with his hands nervously. “Is…” Arthur breathed in deeply, “Is there fire?”

Merlin froze where he stood. “What?”

“In your nightmare. Is there fire?” Arthur repeated, “Are there flames destroying houses and buildings? Are there screams of people being burnt alive? Can you move? Or are you being forced to stand there as people around you beg for help and there is nothing you can do but watch?” Merlin was sure he had never mentioned those things to Arthur or to anyone for that matter. All he had said was that Camelot was being destroyed. Only Morgana and those in Caerleon knew the details of his nightmares.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Merlin had nothing _to_ say. He was at a loss for words. Arthur scans the room carefully before he broke the silence, “I have been having the same nightmare for over a year. A-And I’ve tried everything to stop them. But the nightmares… They still come. Every night it is the same thing. I’m standing there watching my kingdom burn. And it’s _so_ real. It hurts to breathe, my eyes sting, I c-can feel the heat of the flames on my skin.” Arthur looked at him, “Are you dreaming of the same thing?”

Merlin cast his eyes away, “Yes.”

Arthur’s face was full of anguish and Merlin found himself wanting to reach out to comfort him. He sat next him, leaving a space between them though every part of him wanted to wrap his arm around Arthur’s shoulders and hold him close.

“How are we having the same dream, Merlin?” Arthur asked him, “How can I be having the same dream that sorcerers and druids are having?”

“I don’t know.” Merlin said as the image of Arthur casting a spell came to mind. The way his eyes lit up with gold and the way his lips smirked, in such a way that Merlin knew Arthur had casted before then. In his dream, Arthur was no amateur to magic—and that frightened him. But this Arthur, the _real_ Arthur, had no experience in magic or anything of the sort. How was that their future?

Arthur placed his hand down in the space between them, “Sometimes I feel like I’m not myself.” He said, “I can tell something is happening inside of me that I have no control over. A-And I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I think it has something to do with the nightmares. What if I’ve had them for so long, they’ve changed who I am as a person.” Arthur sounded as if he was on the verge of tears.

“You haven’t changed that much. You’re still a prat.” He said jokingly and Arthur turned to him, some of the sadness had faded from his face and the beginnings of happiness was in its place. He snorted and began to laugh, and it was like music to Merlin’s ears. He hadn’t heard Arthur laugh in a very long time.  

“Thank you, Merlin.” Arthur said smiling, Merlin could see some of the tension was drain from his body. “You haven’t changed much either. Except for your—

“My hair. I know.”

“No,” Arthur shook his head, “I was going to say your eyes.”

“My eyes?” Merlin was surprised, he had never noticed anything different about them.

“You used to be very curious.” Arthur’s whisper was gentle, and it was soothing. It reminded Merlin of the day by the river. “You’re very calculating now.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, he never knew that about himself. He relaxed slightly and placed his hands down on the bed, leaning on them for support. Merlin knew what Arthur was saying was serious. Something was going on inside of him and Merlin knew it was more than those nightmares. They needed to talk about it and they needed to talk about how Arthur was sharing the exact same nightmares that so many others were having. But for now, he was going to sit with him. They were quiet for a while, their silences were filled with the distant sounds of servants moving around the castle and guards making their rounds. Arthur let out a large sigh after what felt like an hour of silence, “I’ve missed you.”

Merlin closed his eyes, letting himself fall for just one minute.

That minute passed. It didn’t work. He was falling. _Hard_.

He told himself he wouldn’t fall for his past life. He had to stay focused on the task at hand but he couldn’t. He tried _so_ hard to tell himself that he was doing this for his past; that he was fighting for his and Arthur’s past—not their future. He should’ve known he was lying to himself. After all, he only decided to return to Camelot when Arthur appeared in his dreams.  

Arthur shifted on the bed, and Merlin felt him very carefully place his hand over Merlin’s in between them. Arthur squeezed his hand lightly and Merlin opened his eyes, “I’ve missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Writing it was a bit iffy for me, sometimes I loved it other times I hated it. But I think, I've finally made my peace with it. I know it might be a bit confusing--all of this nightmare talk and how Merlin and Arthur (and other sorcerers) are sharing the same nightmare. It will all be explained soon. Also, I was going to take out the river scene because I thought it was unnecessary, but I left it in because I wanted to give you all an image of how Merlin and Arthur's relationship was like before the banishment. It'll be brought up by Arthur and Merlin later on through the story. Thanks for reading <3


	6. The Journey to Caerleon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here I am after three or so months. I hope you've all been well and I'm really sorry for not updating. I hope this 34,686 word chapter is worth the wait. It's certainly been a pain in my butt to write. I don't believe any other chapter will be this long, so much had to happen in this one in particular that I couldn't stretch out into the next. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy it :) All mistakes in grammar or continuity are mine.

_“I’ve missed you.”_

_“I’ve missed you too.”_     

That exchange between Merlin and the king of Camelot had changed something in the air. It was no longer tense and thick within the walls of the castle. The air was lighter and easier to breathe. Merlin felt like he could finally stretch out his arms and relax because he knew Arthur was still _Arthur_. Whatever was changing inside of him, hadn’t changed the personality that he knew.

The rest of that night in his room was spent in silence. Neither of them dared to speak again, as they were frightened to break whatever had been built up around them—the slightest whispers could have fractured it.

Merlin hadn’t felt something like that in a _very_ long time.

That morning, Arthur had left with a tired smile. He had said they should talk again soon, but it had been a few days since then and they have yet to speak to each other. Not because Merlin was avoiding Arthur again but because they haven’t had the chance to. Since their talk late into the night, Arthur had been busy. Agravaine for some reason or another, had decided to hold an impromptu festival. Merlin had no idea what the festival was celebrating because Arthur’s birthday had passed and there was no holiday.

Whatever it was that needed celebrating, the entire kingdom was taking part. Crowds of people were pouring into the city, and it was making it harder for Merlin to sneak away. Gwaine was always trailing behind Merlin no matter where he went. Wherever Merlin looked, Gwaine would always be there in the corner of his eye watching him. He’d even resorted to _staying_ in Merlin’s room at night in case someone tried to break in. Merlin understood, of course, with that many more people in the city there may be some dangerous individuals.

Merlin was a target and public enemy #1, and he was being protected by one of Camelot’s best knights. There was outrage and anger because of that. People _hated_ the fact he was getting special treatment by the king and the knights. Anyone angry enough, and sly enough, could sneak into the citadel and kill him. And Gwaine swore to prevent that even if that meant never getting time to himself.

 “Are you going to the jousting tournament today?” Gwaine asked while Merlin ate his breakfast. Gwaine was sitting across from him at the table, periodically stealing a strawberry from his plate. Merlin assumed Gwaine was going to begin the run down of what they were going to do today. Gwaine liked to let Merlin know what the precautions were and what situations they were going to be in. If something were to go wrong, Gwaine wanted Merlin to know exactly what to do.   

“Yes, I think so.” He replied. “Gaius mentioned he was going to be there today and he asked me to join him.” Though he and Gaius haven’t exactly spoken in depth since he saw him the other week, he spotted him in the halls the night before. Gaius quickly told him he was going to be watching the jousting—with Aldwyn no doubt at his side—and he invited Merlin to watch it with them.  

“Okay.” Gwaine pursed his lips. “The actual event starts in the early afternoon, before then Agravaine has decided to hold a lunch for some of the competitors. Mainly the knights that are competing. I don’t think anyone you know, though. There’s Damian, Rience, Mal, Mark and well, you know Guy.”

“Guy?” Merlin almost spat out. Guy was the knight that tried to kill him that day he stopped Morgana’s men from attacking Arthur’s. He was also the knight that threw a rock over his head when Arthur was hit by the stray arrow. Guy was a brutal and ruthless knight, and if Merlin’s one in encounter with him said anything, Guy only acts on impulse.

Gwaine sighed, “Guy is stubborn and he’s hard to control. I can’t even count how many times Leon has had to yell at him but he is a skilled knight, he’s talented with the sword and he’s agile. Quite young too.”

“Do you think any of them will win?” Merlin asked, picking at a piece of bread on his plate.

“I hope not.” Gwaine said, “It’s no fun when the knights win.” Merlin smiled slightly at that. “Anyway, as far as I’m aware Arthur isn’t going to be at the lunch. Gwen told me Agravaine asked him to join them, and Arthur declined. So it’s Agravaine and the little knights he brought in when he came here.”

“But Arthur will be there for the joust?” Merlin asked slowly. He had seen Arthur watching and observing each game and tournament since the festivities had started. Merlin had thought Arthur would compete—he never knew him to just sit around and watch. Gwaine explained to him on the first day that Agravaine told Arthur he wasn’t to take part. Something about him being the king and being too valuable to risk. Merlin understood where Agravaine was coming from, however, these tournaments were harmless. There was no real danger in competing.

“Yeah, he’ll be watching.” Gwaine said, “There will be a huge crowd, so that means you can’t wander away from me. No sneaking away. You need to be in my sight at all times.”

Merlin smirked, “You think I’m going to wander off and go to Gaius’s again?”

His friend’s expression was serious, “I can’t let you get hurt. I know you’re strong and you can handle yourself if things come down to it but you’re my friend. And you’re the man who killed Camelot’s king. A lot of people out there want you dead. I can’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let myself live with it if I did. You can do whatever you want and I’ll follow you. I know what privacy means.”

Merlin pursed his lips, “But what about you? You’re spending all of this time with me—when I can handle myself—what about your privacy?”

Gwaine shrugged in his seat, “I really have none. My private life consists of going home and sleeping.”

“There has to be more than that.” Merlin said, “You’re _you_.”

“My life is far from interesting, Merlin. It consists of swords and shields, with the occasional sorcerer thrown in.” He winked and Merlin looked away. “Listen, when Arthur asked me to watch over you, I agreed. I knew what that meant: being with you all the time, making sure you aren’t in any danger, ensuring your safety. I’m all for that. You’re my friend. I haven’t seen you for three years, this is just… Making up for lost time.” Gwaine reached out across the table and took a piece of buttered bread from Merlin’s plate. “I also get to miss out on Leon’s training sessions because you like to sleep in.” He shoved the bread into his mouth and grinned. “Anyway, you know the drill. If anything happens today during the joust, head back to Gwen’s.”

They had decided to make Gwen’s house the safe place in case something happened. Gwen suggested it herself, saying it made sense. Her house was far enough away from the citadel that it could keep Merlin, and whoever else is there with him, safe. Merlin didn’t like the idea of going to her house in case something happened. He didn’t want Gwen involved in the danger that might be caused because of him but she insisted. Making it impossible to argue with her. 

“Alright, that’s fine.” He said finally and he finished his breakfast in silence while Gwaine continued to swipe strawberries and pieces of bread from his plate. 

Gwaine asked him a while later what he was going to do for the rest of the morning and Merlin had no clue. He’d been in Camelot for three weeks now and he was running out of things to keep himself entertained. Gwen was occupied with the festivities going on, the other knights were either taking place in the tournaments or had been assigned to Arthur’s guard, and Gaius was engrossed in training Aldwyn—they were all busy while Merlin sat in an endless pit of boredom with Gwaine at his side eating his food.

After he finished eating, he and Gwaine went on a short walk around the citadel, Merlin suggested it in an effort to clear his mind.

As they walked, Gwaine was rambling about the other events going on. Merlin was only half-listening, but he understood that tomorrow there was an archery contest in the morning and in the afternoon there was the tournament— _the_ tournament everyone was looking forward to. It was always a grand event of knights fighting other knights to win championship and honour. The day after that were the semi-finals for that and then in the evening was the finals. The whole festival would end with a grand feast after the champion had been crowned, hosted by Agravaine but with the façade that Arthur was holding it.

They ran into Gwen for the briefest of moments as they were walking and Gwen was looking frazzled out of her mind. She was talking to another servant, one Merlin had never seen before, and they looked frustrated.

Merlin wanted to say hello to her but Gwaine said, “It’d be best to not interrupt them.”

“Why?” He asked.

Gwaine sighed quietly before pulling Merlin away to let Gwen deal with whatever she was doing. Once they were a good distance from them, Gwaine said, “If I’m right, that servant over there is trying to get Arthur to come to that lunch today. Gwen is insisting that Arthur doesn’t want to go.”

“Why are they insisting Arthur goes to this lunch?” Merlin asked him.

"Agravaine doesn’t like to be told no, I suppose.” Gwaine shrugged, “He likes to be in control of things and have things go the way he wants. Arthur saying no to him really angers him but he puts on this fake smile and says ‘That is fine, my nephew, your presence will be greatly missed’ like the smarmy bastard he is.” Merlin snorted at Gwaine’s awful impression of the man. A few servants passed by them in the hall and they both fell silent. The servants passed, and Gwaine went to continue but a knight turned down the hall and came walking towards them. Merlin suspected they were one of Agravaine’s men because of how rigid Gwaine became. The man wore a knight’s uniform along with the cape, Merlin thought he looked quite pompous, he was taller than both Merlin and Gwaine and his brunet coloured hair was longer than both of theirs combined.

“Gwaine.” The knight said with a nod.

“Damian.” Gwaine nodded, his voice was very monotone compared to when he spoke to Merlin. “Are you competing in the joust?”

“Yes.” The knight, Damian, said. “Though, it isn’t much of a competition.”

Gwaine pursed his lips, “How do you mean?”

“The peasants competing are just little men who have no right to wield a stick, much less a lance. They’re no more difficult to fight against than a kitchen wench.”

“Well, it’s all in good fun.” Gwaine’s smile was forced and his jaw was clenched tight. “It’s all for show, anyway.”

Damian’s eyes flickered to Merlin for a split second before he looked back to Gwaine, “Yes, of course.”

They stood in an awkward silence until Gwaine cleared his throat uncomfortably, “It was nice speaking to you but me and Merlin have got to get to…” Gwaine trailed off.

Merlin blinked and said the first thing that came to his mind, “The library.”

“Yes, the library—” Gwaine began confidently but he did a double take, “T-The library?” Merlin nodded, holding back a laugh. Gwaine subtly glared at him before turning back to Damian, “Right, the library. We’re going to the library… To read books.” Gwaine coughed slightly, “Anyway, we’ll be going now. Good luck at the competition today.”

“Thank you.” Damian said, “And to you as well.”

What was that supposed to mean? He didn’t have a chance to be confused for long before Gwaine grabbed his elbow and ushered him away. He could feel Damian’s eyes follow them as they walked away. It made him feel uneasy. To make it worse, that _comment_ made him uneasy too. Why did he wish them good luck? He tried to ask but Gwaine shushed him and kept walking in the direction of the library. Gwaine smacked him on the head eventually and hissed, “The _library_? Why did you choose that? You could have chosen any place in all of Camelot and you choose the library?!” And then he was smacked again.

The rest of Merlin’s morning was spent sitting in the library with Gwaine, who had no desire to be there and was quite vocal about it too. Every few minutes he would shift in his chair and groan loudly about how boring it was. He kept voicing his confusion on how Merlin could willingly sit down and read both a book on apothecary and a book on botany.

“It’s fun.” He replied.

“ _Fun_?!” Gwaine scoffed, “How is that fun?”

“I like reading.” Merlin shrugged, “I have an entire wall of books in my chambers in Caerleon. Most of them are spell books given to me by sorcerers or Druids living in the castle, others I found myself. I find reading enjoyable and it’s quite helpful, too. You learn more than you think reading books.”

“You’re mad, Merlin.” Gwaine said and folded his arms across his chest.

Merlin watched him for a second before reaching for a bestiary he had grabbed. He placed it in front of Gwaine, “Read this. You’ll like it. It’s about beasts and creatures living in Camelot.”

Gwaine stared down at it, “Why would I read this?”

Merlin sighed and looked back to his book, “So the next time you’re out hunting and you encounter a magical beast, you’ll know what it is. Rather than running off and having Gaius figure it out.”

He heard Gwaine open the book with attitude, the cover of the book hit the table with a large clunk, and Merlin looked up. Gwaine was glaring at him, “You know you’re an ass, right?” Merlin almost cracked a smile while he nodded. “Good. Just making sure.”

* * *

“Merlin made me read a book today.” Gwaine said, as they walked towards the tournament grounds. Percival came searching for them a while ago to tell them the joust was starting in half an hour. He snuck away from his duties to find them. Somehow he knew that they would get distracted and miss the competition if they weren’t paying attention.

He knew them too well.

“A book?” Percival repeated in confusion, “You read a book?”

“I didn’t make him,” Merlin chuckled, “He was bored and I gave him something to do.”

“He _made_ me.” Gwaine corrected him, “It was awful.”

Merlin snorted, “You enjoyed it. If you didn’t, you would’ve been complaining.”

“That’s true,” Percival laughed, “You don’t shy away from letting people know how unhappy you are.” Merlin stood in between the pair and when he saw Gwaine glare at Percival, he knew he had to get out of the way. Gwaine suddenly threw a punch into Percival’s arm, “Ow! What was that for?” Percival groaned out in pain, thought most of it was masked by how hard he was laughing.

“You’re not my friend anymore.” Gwaine crossed his arms across his chest in defiance, “What are you even doing here anyway? Where’s Elyan?”

“You and Elyan are working together?” Merlin asked him as they were approaching the jousting grounds. Merlin could hear the crowds of people getting into their seats to watch the joust. There were tents set up across the field with the competitors all inside nervously waiting for the game to begin.

Percival hissed in pain as he rubbed his sore arm, “Yes. Agravaine’s put me and Elyan in charge of the citizens coming and going out of the city. My post is generally by the main gates, but for the joust today I’ve been stationed by the competitors.”

“What?” Gwaine frowned, “Aren’t you supposed to be in the seats with the people?”

Percival shrugged, “That’s what I thought too, but this morning as Elyan and I were arriving there to set up our things Mark came to tell me I was going to be near the competitors but Elyan was to remain in the seats.”

“Mark?” Gwaine questioned, “What right does Mark have to give you orders?”

“I don’t know. Agravaine probably told him to tell me.” Percival said, “I managed to sneak away for a bit to find you two. And to my surprise, I find you in the library.”

Gwaine groaned. Loudly. “I hate you.”

“I can’t wait to tell the others about this.” Percival snickered, “They’ll love it.” Merlin had to hold back a laugh because he knew if he laughed, Gwaine would probably punch him too. “I should go tell Elyan I’ve found you. I’ll be back in a second.”

Percival left them and Gwaine sighed in defeat, “I will get you back for this, Merlin. They’re going to bother me endlessly about it.”

“Don’t let it bother you.” Merlin told him, “If you keep reading, you’ll be smarter than all of them.”

His friend whistled, “That’d be the day.”

They both watched as more and more people began pouring into the seats. Merlin could see Percival and Elyan speaking to one another in the sea of people. He recognised a few faces in the audience; some people he’d helped over the years, some people he’d made enemies with and would love nothing more than to see him dead. There were some people he’d never met, visitors from other kingdoms or from outlying villages. There could be some well known people in the audience he didn’t know that had moved to Camelot after his banishment.

Gwaine’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, “There they are. Agravaine’s lunch must have ended early.”

He glanced over to Gwaine and saw him looking over towards the sand with disdain. He followed his gaze and saw five men, all donned in jousting armor with flowing red capes walking across the sand towards the center, bathing in the cheering and the hollering coming from the audience.

 “Those are Agravaine’s men?” Merlin asked. He spotted Guy and Damian fairly quickly, the other knights all looked younger than him and they walked with a certain kind of attitude. He could tell they all had the same cockiness as both Guy and Damian had.

“The beloved Knights of Camelot.” Gwaine said under his breath.

“Who is who?” Merlin asked, “It would be nice to put faces to the names.”

Gwaine nodded and cleared his throat. “You know Guy; he is the unofficial leader of the group.” Gwaine pointed towards the man with the short red hair, “Hates you almost as much as he hates his hair. That’s why he always cuts it short.” Merlin chuckled. “Then there’s Damian, who you met today. He’s slimy like a snake and he’s Guy’s right hand man.” Damian was standing next to Guy, both of them were laughing about something. “The black haired one with the beard beside Damian is Rience. He’s got a strange accent, he’s from up north.” Rience stood there fixing his gauntlets, Merlin saw him say something to the man standing next to him and the man grabbed his arm and fixed the gauntlet for him. “That little helper is Mark. He’s the youngest of the bunch. Agravaine’s always got him running around tell people what to do and how to do it. Nice kid, but he’s got bit of a temper.” Gwaine explained. “And that one there,” Gwaine pointed to the man towering over Mark, “is Mal.”

“Mal?”

“Mal.” He nodded, “He’s gigantic. He’s the strongest of the five of them. I once saw him push down a tree using only his body. The roots and all.” Merlin raised an eyebrow, he would never want to cross paths with that beast.

“And Arthur knighted them?”

“No, Agravaine did.”

“I didn’t know Agravaine had the power to knight someone.” Merlin whispered under his breath.

“He doesn’t.” Gwaine kept his eyes fixed on the five men. Merlin watched as Guy said something to the others, before they all headed towards Gwaine and him. “Say nothing to them.” The group passed the pair as they were heading towards the stables to mount their horses. Guy had his eyes fixed on Merlin as he passed them, and Damian nodded his head towards them and Merlin felt uneasy again.

“The joust will start soon. We should go find a place to stand. It’d be unsafe to sit down with everyone else, if something happened the crowds would overwhelm us.” Gwaine looked around in an attempt to find a safe spot to stand. “You said Gaius was going to be here, right?”

“Yes, he invited me to watch with him—”

“Merlin! Gwaine!” Percival shouted, cutting Merlin off. Percival was a few meters away; he was at the edge of the seats with Elyan. “We sectioned off some of the seats for you.”

“Is it safe?” Gwaine climbed up and reached out his hand to help Merlin up.

“I believe so.” Elyan spoke up, “But I don’t think we have any reason to be suspicious.”

“There’s always a reason to be suspicious with that lot.” Percival motioned towards Guy and the others already mounted on their horses and riding onto the sand. The audience cheered loudly for the five knights and women were throwing their handkerchiefs onto the sand to get the knights attention.

“We’ll have to keep an eye on them during the event. Who knows what Agravaine ordered them to do.” Gwaine said, his voice was very calculating. It wasn’t often that Merlin saw Gwaine in this position. Back in the day, Gwaine was always the one to crack jokes and ignore Arthur or Leon’s orders. Now, it seemed like taken on a leadership role. “By the way,” he kept his voice low, “Damian wished both Merlin and I good luck earlier today when we were speaking to him.”

“What?” Elyan and Percival said in unison.

“Keep your voices down,” Gwaine hissed, “I wished him good luck for the competition and he said ‘And to you as well’ I had no idea what he meant by that, so I got Merlin and myself away from him.”

“And he was watched us as we left,” Merlin added.

“They wouldn’t try to do anything to Merlin during the joust.” Elyan said leaning towards them, “Not with Arthur watching.”

Gwaine cleared his throat, “It doesn’t matter. Keep your eyes on them throughout the event. If anything happens, you both know what to do.” Merlin assumed he was referring to their plan to head to Gwen’s house.

“Merlin!” Someone called out to him, he looked over and saw Gaius and Aldwyn heading in their direction.

“I should go.” Percival stood up, “I’ll speak to you later.” They all bid Percival farewell just as Gaius and Aldwyn reached them.

Percival helped Gaius up, and offered to help Aldwyn up as well but the young man said, “Oh, I’m not here to watch. I’m here to bandage of any wounds the competitors may get.”

“There won’t be any, the joust is harmless. Come and sit.” Gwaine said, patting the empty seat beside him where Percival had been sitting. Aldwyn stuttered out an excuse and scurried off, Gwaine watched after him while chuckling to himself. Merlin noticed, that each time Gwaine spoke to him, he would blush furiously and avoid eye-contact.

Merlin laughed quietly before turning to Gaius, “How are you?”

“Quite well, thank you.” Gaius smiled at him, “How are you?”  

Merlin sucked in a breath, “I’ve been better.” 

“Oh?” Gaius frowned, “Is everything all right?” All Merlin could do was shrug. Gaius grasped his shoulder and squeezed it, “I am sure whatever is bothering you will be resolved soon. There is no need to worry.”

“It’s starting.” Gwaine said sitting up, just as Agravaine sat down in the royal booth.

Merlin sat up straighter. Agravaine was sitting in the chair that Arthur and Morgana once sat in long ago. The competitors were lining up on their horses in front of the royal booth. Agravaine’s men were staring up at him with obvious allegiance. Each of Agravaine’s men rode horses that were as dark as the night sky. He was surprised Mal could even fit on the horse. There were six other competitors, none of them wore knight’s uniforms, they must’ve been from peasant families.

A few moments passed before Merlin saw Gwen make her way into the seats. She was seated quite a distance from them, she was seated right by the royal booth. He wondered if she finally convinced that servant that Arthur didn’t want to go to that lunch.

And there he was.

 _Arthur_.

Arthur stood front and center, with all heads turned towards him. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t slept at all for the past few days. Arthur said nothing to the audience, it was as if he was surveying the crowd, almost like he was searching for someone. Merlin saw him suck in a deep breath before sitting down. Then, Agravaine stood up. Arthur’s uncle patted him on the shoulder before standing where Arthur had just been. “This joust may not be a serious competition; but harm may still come your way. You should face any harm or danger with honour and dignity. The knight who comes out of the joust successful, will win gold and the honour of sitting at the royal table, during the feast following the tournament.” The crowds murmured in confusion at that. Agravaine raised his hand, “Let the joust begin.”  

Merlin looked to Gwaine, “Why would someone from the joust be at the feast meant for the tournament? That makes no sense.”

“You’re telling me.” Gwaine said as he watched Agravaine sit down on his seat. “Did you notice how he said knights instead of men?” Merlin followed his gaze towards the man. “I said this earlier, but I really hope someone else wins. It’s no fun when the knights win.”

When the first competitors got in position, Gwaine had to explain who they were. Mark was the first of Agravaine’s knights to compete and his competitor was a non-noble man named Harvey, who was the son of a family that owned a farm not too far from the city. Harvey seemed to be twice Mark’s size, but what Mark lacked in size he made up for in technique. Merlin could see he held the lance with practised ease, whereas Harvey seemed to be struggling keeping it up straight and holding the reigns of his horse.

Their joust was over before it had even started, it felt like. Mark won quickly, his lance blew into Harvey’s chest and though it didn’t knock Harvey off of his horse, he was barely hanging on. He would feel _that_ in the morning. Mal competed against a blacksmith named Adam and won, and Merlin realised his hopes that a peasant man would win were being dashed. Guy competed against another farmer’s son named Roger, Guy won much to Merlin’s disdain and he made a show about it. He waved his broken lance up in the air proudly. Gwaine made a comment about it only being the first round, to which Merlin laughed. Damian went against a man named a man whose name Merlin didn’t hear because by the time Gwaine started telling him, Damian had won. Two non-knight’s competed against one another, the one named Nicholas won. Rience competed against a fellow named Peter, and lost much to everyone’s surprise. The moment he fell to the sand and Peter remained on his horse, Rience threw his lance across the sand and swore loudly. There were a few gasps from the audience, and Merlin looked over to Agravaine and Arthur. Agravaine was watching Rience with disappointment while Arthur was trying to hide his smile of amusement. Agravaine started speaking to Arthur, and Merlin saw Arthur fake a cough in an attempt to shield his grin.

“You know,” Gaius said as they clapped now that round one was over, “it has been a long time since I’ve seen a genuine smile from Arthur.”

“The joust is fun to watch.” Merlin had his eyes still fixed on the king.

Gaius scoffed, “Oh I doubt the joust has anything to do with it.” 

Merlin tore his eyes away, “What do you mean?”

“Since your return, Arthur’s spirits have raised significantly.” Gaius said, “He’s been out more, going for walks with Gwen, eating in the dining hall rather than his room, coming to watch the events—I believe it is you we have to thank.”

“I’ve barely spoken to him.” Merlin said, and that was the truth. For the first two weeks, he’d been avoiding Arthur, and now Arthur’s been too busy to talk. If he was being honest with himself, he almost missed Arthur. They hadn’t spoken much, but they had spent _hours_ together that night. He had gotten used to Arthur’s presence around him. 

“Never the less, your return has definitely changed something.”

Merlin glanced back over towards Arthur and he faltered when he found a pair of blue eyes looking back at him. Arthur sat there, he was leaning on his armrest and he was staring intently at Merlin with a certain kind of fondness. When he noticed Merlin was looking back, he shifted in his seat and smiled shyly. There was some hesitation on Merlin’s part, but he smiled back. Arthur’s smile grew slightly and he looked away, Merlin swore he could see a light blush grow on Arthur’s cheeks. Perhaps at the realisation he was caught staring or because Merlin was looking back.

With a shuddering breath, Merlin looked away to watch the beginning of the second round. His heart was positively pounding in his chest. How long had Arthur been watching him? Had Arthur been watching him the entire time?

“I wanted to ask you,” Gaius took him out of his reverie, “has your opinion changed regarding that night?” Merlin knew exactly what he was referring to. He wanted to ignore the question and watch the servants prepare the sand for the second round.

He feigned ignorance, “Which night?”

“Merlin.”

Merlin sighed, there was no point in avoiding the subject or lying to Gaius. “No, it hasn’t changed.”

“May I ask why?” Gaius had a curious look in his eyes.

“Because I don’t really know what the truth is anymore.” He couldn’t think of a more honest response. He had believed for so long that Arthur ordered for him to be killed that night. Each time it was brought up though, everyone argued with him. Gwen did, Gwaine tried to and Gaius explained to him what he thought occurred that night.

“Have you tried speaking to Arthur?” Asked Gaius, as he spoke, the second round began. It was Guy versus Peter, and Merlin wanted Peter to win. He wanted to see Guy’s face when he realised he was weak in comparison to someone who wasn’t a knight. “He is the only one that truly knows what happened that night.”

“Even if I did want to talk to Arthur about it, which I don’t, I haven’t had a chance to talk to him.” Merlin said, “He’s been so busy with the festival that we haven’t had any time to…” he trailed off with a sigh, “Arthur would deny it anyway. There’s no point.”

Gaius shook his head, “There is always a point, Merlin. All you have to do is find it.”

There was an enormous cheer from the crowd and Merlin realised he had missed the end of Guy and Peter’s joust. Guy, unfortunately, won. Merlin watched Aldwyn run over to where Peter had fallen off of his horse. Peter stood up slowly and Aldwyn helped him leave the sand, while a servant fetched his horse.

“He’s learning your teachings well.” Merlin said, watching absently as Damian and Nicholas trotted onto the sand and took their places.

“Yes, he is. He’s very interested in every method there is to medicine.” Gaius said, “I am going to take him on as my apprentice.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, “That’s impressive. He must be good. But he’s, uh, he’s a bit shy.”

“Only around Gwaine.” Gaius said without another second. “Gwaine teases him endlessly. The poor child is scared to breathe around him. One ill step and Gwaine starts poking fun—”

“I _can_ hear you.” Gwaine interrupted him.

Gaius chortled before continuing on, “As I was saying, Aldwyn may be shy but he is a very intelligent young man. I am astonished with how well he is doing. He speaks highly of you, Merlin. After you and Gwaine left the other week, you were all he could talk about.”

“I’m flattered.” His words were almost drowned out by the crowd booing when neither Damian or Nicholas landed a blow on each other. “By the way, Gaius, you were telling me something the other day but you were interrupted by Aldwyn. What was it?”

Gaius’s smile faded from his face and his expression turned serious, “I fear the subject matter of that discussion is far too serious for where we are now. I’d prefer it if we spoke about it in a more private place—”

" _Damn it_!" Gwaine shouted loudly, taking Merlin’s attention away from what Gaius was saying. "That bastard!" Merlin looked to the joust and saw Damian wielding a broken lance and Nicholas laying limply on his horse, his armor hung onto him like a thread. He saw Aldwyn run to Nicholas’s aid, followed by the other servant boy. Damian was ignorant to the situation, he pumped up his arm and he looked over in Merlin's direction. His face was masked by his helmet, but Merlin could _feel_ his eyes burning into him. What was it about Damian that made Merlin so uneasy?

He pulled his eyes away from Damian and saw Aldwyn trying to talk to Nicholas who was still on his horse. It seemed like Nicholas responded but not enough to Aldwyn’s liking, he shook Nicholas's arm and the man fell to the sand. The crowd, who had been cheering for Damian’s victory, went so silent Merlin could hear his own heartbeat.

He could see Aldwyn was panicking, he was shaking Nicholas shoulder and trying to talk to him, "Something’s not right." Merlin said, slowly standing up. Nicholas reached up slowly and grabbed onto Aldwyn’s arm and whatever he said must have spooked the young boy. He began looking frantic and he looked out towards where they were sitting. Merlin’s intuition took over and he quickly jumped down from the seats, ignoring Gwaine's shouting.

He kneeled down next to Aldwyn, placing a hand over his shoulder to calm him. “What’s wrong?”

 “He's having trouble breathing.” His hands were shaking, “H-He said his chest hurt, but I can’t find any injuries. I-I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” Merlin said, trying to calm him, “let’s figure it out.” Merlin cleared his throat before saying, “Nicholas? Can you hear me?” Nicholas wheezed, he slowly lifted his hand up off the ground and pointed to his chest. “Your chest? Does that hurt?”

Nicholas wheezed, “Yes. M-My head, too”

“Well, that was probably from falling off your horse.” Merlin said matter-of-factly, Aldwyn sat there looking sheepish, “This might hurt, but I’m going to take off your breastplate.”

“O-Okay…” Nicholas replied and Merlin very carefully lifted Nicholas’s breast plate off of his chest.

“There’s blood.” Aldwyn said in a quite voice.

“Blood?!” Nicholas cried out. Merlin suppressed a groan, _thank you, Aldwyn_.

“You’re fine.” Merlin said kindly, from what Merlin could see, Nicholas’s left side was covered in tiny pieces of wood from Damian’s broken lance. There were no pieces that had gotten through the chainmail, though, despite how badly made the chainmail was.  “I think you’ve broken a few ribs; do you mind if I check?” Nicholas said nothing so Merlin took that as a yes. 

Merlin studied the bloody chainmail before making a decision. He quickly unbuckled Nicholas’s belt—completely aware the crowd in the stands were watching his every move—and he gently pushed the chainmail up around Nicholas’s armpits. Then, he carefully pushed his tunic up to get a look at his chest. Aldwyn watched with wide curious eyes, Merlin almost felt like he was the teacher and Aldwyn was his student.

Nicholas’s left side was bloodied and bruised, a piece of his rib had broken through his skin. “There’s our problem.” Merlin said, “We need to stop the bleeding before he loses too much blood.” He pulled his neckerchief from his neck and handed it to Aldwyn. “Put pressure _around_ the wound, it’s going to be scary because he’s probably broken more ribs that we can’t see. And it’s going to hurt him.” Aldwyn was shaking but he did it. He pressed down around the punctured skin and Nicholas screamed out, frightening both Aldwyn and the crowd. “Nicholas, it’s okay.”

Nicholas’s breathing grew faster and each breath sounded more painful than the last. “I-I—” Nicholas gasped for air, “I can’t b-breathe.” Suddenly, Nicholas was grasping as his neck, squeezing it as if trying to force air under his lungs. His face was turning a shade of blue and his veins were popping out.

Merlin acted on instinct. He removed Aldwyn’s hands from Nicholas’s wound and pressed his hands directly on top of the broken rib.

He’d done this before only a few times in Caerleon. Sometimes they’d have visitors—sorcerers who were abused or had been banished from their homes—and they were injured. Most of the time it wasn’t needed but when it was, it was in a near death situation. He and Morgana, and a few others, had been training a select few more recently to use this spell. It was going to be needed if anything were to happen concerning their nightmares and their unknown enemy.

“W-What are you—” Aldwyn’s words died on his tongue when he saw Merlin’s eyes glow gold and there was a loud cracking sound from Nicholas’s chest. Nicholas sucked in air and it was clear as day. When Merlin removed his hands, there was no trace of the rib ever breaking through the skin—only some light bruising and the drying blood. Aldwyn was in awe, “It’s… It’s healed!”

Merlin had no chance to reply before he was lifted up onto his feet by Gwaine and pulled away. He saw Gaius pass by to tend to Nicholas as he was being dragged off of the sand. He had no strength to even fight back against his friend, the spell he used took a lot out of him. The first time he used it, he fell asleep for almost an entire day.

 “You’re a bloody idiot, Merlin.” Gwaine hissed in his ear, “Using magic in front of _Agravaine_?! You might as well hold up a sign that says ‘Kill Me Now’.”

“He would have died if I had done nothing—” Merlin started tiredly but the stare he got from Gwaine silenced him. He was pulled into one of the competitors tents and Gwaine twisted him around to look him in the eye.

“You’re worth more than him, Merlin.” Gwaine said, emotion heavy in his voice. “You’re more important than any of them, don’t you understand that?”

“But—”

“No!” Gwaine shouted, “Arthur wants you safe. Do you know what that means? That means you are the most important person in Camelot. There is no one out there,” Gwaine pointed towards the crowd, “that means as much as you do. And that is why you _can’t_ use your magic like that in front of Agravaine, a man who would love to see you burn, just to save someone who doesn’t matter.”

“Everyone matters.” Merlin said sternly. “He doesn’t matter to you, but he may matter to someone.”

Gwaine groaned in frustration and he rubbed his face. “Sometimes I swear you and Arthur are the same fucking person.”

Merlin wanted to ask him what he meant by that but he was cut off by Gaius entering the tent, “What you did was incredibly stupid, Merlin.”

“I saved his life!” Merlin argued, he couldn’t understand how both Gwaine and Gaius—a man who has sworn his life to protect the kingdom and a man whose profession is to _save_ lives—were angry with him. He saved Nicholas’s life. Did they expect him to just sit there and watch him die, when he had the skills to save him? He would have done the same thing for anyone.

“You used your magic,” Gaius said disapprovingly. “You’re very lucky Agravaine chose to do nothing, the situation could have been much worse.”

He wanted to shout at Gaius because he wasn’t afraid of Agravaine. The man had already threatened his life, there wasn’t anything Agravaine could do that would shock Merlin to the point where he was scared. But unlike Merlin, everyone in Camelot were walking on eggshells around this man. The only thing Agravaine had protecting him was his relation to Arthur. Other than that, Agravaine was weak.

“Despite your stupidity,” Gaius continued on, “whatever you did worked. He has no broken ribs, in the very least they’re bruised. However, I am going to watch over Nicholas for the next day, if his ribs were able to pierce through skin—they may have been able to rupture his lung.”

“That’s good.” Merlin said, trying to hold back from yawning. “Do you need help moving him to your chambers?”

 “I don’t think it’d be a good idea to rejoin the festivities right now. It’d be safer in your room,” Gwaine intercepted. “I can have Percival and Elyan help if you need it.” Gaius declined the offer, explaining that two servant boys were carrying the stretcher Nicholas laid on and they would be more than enough. Once he left, Gwaine came over to Merlin’s side and patted him on the shoulder. “Listen,” he began, “I know Gaius and I are giving you a hard time.”

“You think?”

He chuckled, “I’m sorry, but it’s just… Agravaine is something else. Sometimes I think he’s worse than Uther. As least you could tell what Uther was thinking, he wore his emotions on his sleeve.” Merlin knew Gwaine was trying to make him laugh. “Now come on, let’s head over to your room. You look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

They left the tent and Merlin felt like every single pair of eyes in the crowd was on him—despite the joust continuing on. He spared a glance over towards the royal booth. Agravaine was still sitting in his seat, as well, paying no attention to the crowd’s obvious interest in Merlin. And Arthur was gone. He found that strange because Gwen still sat in the seats, accompanied by her brother.

“Come on.” Gwaine said, grabbing him by the elbow and leading him away from the tents. They didn’t encounter Damian, Guy or any of the knights, which he was thankful for. He was far too drained to deal with them. They passed by Percival, who was mildly concerned about what was going on but he remained where he stood. Merlin assumed Gwaine would fill him in on the situation later in the day, possibly while Merlin was sleeping.

They made their way through the castle, passing by servants who had seen Merlin use his magic and others who hadn’t but had already heard the news. He could already hear the whispers and the rumours being spread around the castle and the city. He was yet again the topic of conversation. There was nothing he could do about it, and he didn’t mind all that much. He just wished the people whispering about him would do it when he _wasn’t_ walking by them. These servants were blatantly gossiping about him; some were even pointing fingers. It got to the point where Gwaine almost had to say something to a pair of manservants before Merlin grew irritated. All he wanted to do was get back to his room and escape from all of his frustrations.

He watched from afar as Gwaine scolded the two boys, telling them they should be tending to the knights they’re serving rather than spread rumours about something that doesn’t concern them. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the castle wall. His mind drifted to Morgana, he wondered what he was going to have to do if something had happened to her. Taking Arthur to Caerleon on his own was far too dangerous. If something were to happen to Arthur while they were on their way, Merlin wouldn’t know what to do. And if something were to happen to him, Arthur would be vulnerable and could be killed. Merlin didn’t know what they’d be walking into. Merlin was faced with so many questions and he had no answers.

He exhaled softly and looked back to Gwaine, he was still talking to the two manservants. They’d managed to distract him from the problem at hand, and now they were in an animated discussion. Merlin couldn’t make out what they were saying but he was sure it had nothing to do with them pointing their fingers at him. He pushed up off of the wall and cleared his throat, “Gwaine.”

Gwaine looked over and laughed awkwardly, “Right.” Gwaine bid farewell to the two boys and he started to make his way over to Merlin. “Sorry, mate, I got distracted.”

 “I know you did.” Merlin said with a tired smile. He didn’t wait for Gwaine to catch up with him and he turned the corner running face first into the last person he thought he’d see—Arthur.

“Whoa,” he heard Arthur say as he almost fell backwards from the impact. Arthur quickly grabbed onto his arms and held him upright, “you okay?”

Merlin felt blood rush to his cheeks as he spoke, “Yeah, I’m fine.”  

Arthur kept his hands on Merlin’s arms for a second longer before dropping them to his side, “Where were you headed?”

“My chambers. I thought it’d be best if I didn’t go back to the joust.” Merlin said to him, “I’m bit tired after, uh, _that_.”

“Of course, I’d be tired too if I saved a man’s life like that. It looked like it took a lot out of you. Are you sure you’re okay?” Arthur’s voice was kind, and he was the first person who had acknowledged he had saved Nicholas’s life without berating him for using his magic. Arthur reached up again, his fingers brushed by Merlin’s arm. 

Merlin smiled, “Yes, just tired.”

“That’s good.” Arthur stood there for a moment and said nothing. Merlin wondered why Gwaine had not caught up with them yet, but he couldn’t drive himself to look away from the blue eyes watching him. Arthur dropped his hand back down to his side, “You said you were going to your chambers?” Merlin nodded. “Can I walk with you?”

“Yeah, of course.” Merlin began walking and Arthur fell into step beside him, “Wouldn’t you rather be at the joust though? You looked like you were enjoying it.”

“I was,” Arthur crossed his arms over his chest, “but if you’ve seen one joust, you’ve seen them all. Besides, I wanted to talk to you.”

Merlin swallowed heavily, “About?”

“Well I wanted to see if you were okay.” Arthur explained, “And I wanted to ask you about… About your magic.”

“My magic?” Merlin questioned, and out of habit, he felt himself growing defensive.

Arthur must’ve heard the change of tone in his voice, “It’s nothing to worry about, Merlin. I’m not going to banish you again.” Merlin paused and Arthur looked back at him sighing. “Sorry, that was a terrible joke. I’m really not mad you used your magic. I’m actually more curious than anything.”

“What are you curious about?” Merlin asked as he continued to walk. He turned his neck behind them and saw Gwaine was following from a significant distance, but he was still there. He must have seen Arthur join him and decided to give them their privacy.

“What was that spell you used?” Merlin looked back to the king, “I never knew there was a spell that could mend broken bones.”

“I don’t think many people know of it,” he began, “It’s very complicated, and to be able to cast it you need to be powerful and have complete control over your magic. If you don’t, you could do more damage than good. I’ve heard stories where a sorcerer broke every bone in the patient’s body because they weren’t skilled.” Merlin laughed, “I sound like I’m bragging about how powerful I am. I’m really not all that skilled, the first time I used it I fell asleep for an entire day. And that was just practise. The first time I cast it on a real person, I couldn’t move for a while I was so exhausted.” He shrugged to himself, “My stamina has increased since learning it, I could probably do it again if I had to.” 

“When did you learn it?” Arthur asked him.

“A year or so ago. It was taught to me by an old sorcerer who lives in Caerleon Castle with Morgana and I. He told us he’s spent his entire life attempting to perfect it. Only a few people in the world know it,” Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Like I said, you have to be very powerful.”

“That’s amazing.” Arthur said and he sounded genuine. Merlin was somewhat confused. He thought he knew Arthur’s opinion on magic. Despite wanting help from him and Morgana, Merlin still believed Arthur had resentment towards magic from all of those years the notion magic was wrong was drilled into his head. He was reminded of what Arthur said the other day, when Merlin said he knew how he felt towards magic.

_“Believe me Merlin, you don’t.”_

Maybe he really didn’t know. Merlin knew his opinion was shifting by the wonderment in Arthur’s expression and the way he willingly continued to ask questions, “So you’ve learned more about healing and medicine since you’ve been gone?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Merlin shrugged, “I’ve learned a lot from those in our community and reading books, and I’ve had some on hand experience living where I do. More often than not there’s someone sick or injured and we don’t exactly have a physician, I’m the next best thing after all of my years training under Gaius. For the most part, I don’t use my magic for any of that. Magic is easier sometimes if someone’s in immediate danger, but casting the bone mending spell and others like it generally take a lot out of me so I prefer to not use them as much.” Merlin told Arthur as they turned a corner.

“Do you find it hard to not use your magic sometimes?”

“Sometimes. I can go days with no magic, without even realising it. So I wouldn’t say it’s _hard_ , but after returning to Camelot I had to get used to not using it at all. I went from casting out of habit to having to hide it because if I use my magic everyone will scream and try to burn me alive.” He was exaggerating a little bit, no one had tried to burn him at the stake—though Agravaine would probably try if he had the chance. Agravaine would accuse him of trying to hurt someone but there would be no truth to it. He would never hurt anyone intentionally, if today was any indication, he only used his magic for good.

“You don’t have to hide it,” Arthur said softly. “It’s a part of you. You’re not you, without it.”  

Merlin opened his mouth and closed it again, he was at a loss for words. “Thank you,” was all he could manage.

“You’re welcome.” Arthur whispered, turning his head away. Merlin knew without looking that Arthur was blushing. He had always found it endearing when Arthur blushed. Arthur was always in control of his emotions and seeing him lose that because of something Merlin did, it made Merlin’s heart soar even after all of these years.

When they reached his chambers, Arthur opened the doors for him while saying, “You can use your magic whenever you want, you know. No one will do anything to you. I won’t let them if they try.” Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, his touch was warm and comforting. “Make sure you sleep.”

“I’ll try.” As if on cue, he yawned.

Arthur rubbed his shoulder and Merlin could feel the pad of his thumb very carefully stroke the skin of his collarbone. He was sure Arthur could feel the fluttering of his heart beneath his skin, “Really try, okay? The next time I’m able to escape from the chaos and you’re wide awake, we’ll talk about…” He trailed off with a little shake of his head.

“About what?”

“Anything.” Arthur’s eyes were filled to the brim with emotion, and Merlin found himself getting lost in them. He knew he should go in his room, Gwaine was waiting at the end of the hall and Arthur obviously had places to be—even if he didn’t want to be there.

He didn’t want to leave this moment, but his body was overpowering him. He bit back another yawn and Arthur laughed, “Go sleep. I’ll stop distracting you—”

“Sire?” A young girl’s voice cut in. Merlin saw Arthur inwardly groan before turning around. It was Isabelle. “Lord Agravaine is wondering where you went. The joust is ending soon.”

“My uncle doesn’t need to know where I am every moment of the day.” Arthur said back to her.

“Yes, he does. He was very concerned when you left without saying anything to him. You _should_ have said something.” Isabelle said shortly and Merlin was dumbfounded. Arthur was the king and yet she spoke to him like he was the village idiot. “He wants to speak with you in the Great Hall.”

“Why?” Arthur said, and just as he spoke, Merlin saw Gwaine step beside him, he must’ve noticed Isabelle interrupt them and came to see what the problem was.

“He wants to know where you went.” She told him, “You need to go now.”

Arthur exhaled in defeat, “All right.” He looked back to Merlin and Gwaine, “Gwaine, make sure he actually sleeps.”

“I’ll try my best,” Gwaine said with a wink.

“He doesn’t like to be kept waiting,” Isabelle interjected once more.

Arthur exhaled again before leaving them in the hall, Isabelle made no move to follow him. She was glaring at Merlin with hatred, “You aren’t supposed to be talking to him. Lord Agravaine ordered you to leave him alone.”

“First of all, I don’t take orders from anyone—let alone Agravaine, and second of all, it’s His Majesty or Sire.” Merlin said back to her.

She clenched her jaw tight, “I’m going to be telling Lord Agravaine about this.”

Gwaine threw his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, “You do that, love. No one’s stopping you.” She looked between them angrily before storming off in the same direction Arthur went. “What a sweetheart, isn’t she?” Gwaine snorted.

“The sweetest.” Merlin said stiffly, entering his room.

Gwaine followed him inside, closing the door behind him as he asked, "What was that about?" 

"What part of it? Me and Arthur or Agravaine's little messenger girl?" He toed off his boots.

Gwaine sat down at the table, "I don't care about what you and Arthur were talking about. That’s your business. I meant the girl."

"Oh, she interrupted Arthur and started ordering him to go talk to Agravaine."

"Yeah, yeah, I get that. Why did she say Agravaine ordered you to stay away from Arthur?" Gwaine said, going serious. "Did Agravaine say something to you?" Merlin walked over to his water basin beside the bed and he washed it hands. "Merlin."

"It's really not worth talking about." Merlin flicked the water off of his hands and made his way towards his bed.

"It's worth talking about if a serving girl knows about it and I don't." Gwaine stood up, "What did Agravaine say to you?"

"It was nothing." He lifted up his blankets and crawled underneath them.

“I’m not going to ask again, Merlin.” Gwaine said, Merlin sat up slightly and Gwaine stood at the end of his bed, his arms folded across his chest and with no intention of moving any time soon.

He sighed in resignation, “Gwaine, I really want to sleep.” Gwaine shifted on his feet, making himself more comfortable where he stood. “All he said was to leave Arthur alone. That’s it. He hates me, it’s not entirely shocking he doesn’t want me around Arthur.” He decided to leave out the part where Agravaine threatened to kill him, that would just create a whole other problem Merlin didn’t want to deal with.

“As long as that’s all he said.” Gwaine didn’t sound entirely convinced but he was satisfied by Merlin’s answer for now. “Alright, you sleep. I’ll be out in the hall if you need me for anything.”

“Okay.” Merlin laid his head down on his pillow and got himself comfortable.

Before Gwaine left his room he spoke again, “Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you something. Some of the knights are getting together tonight for a few drinks. Do you want to come?” He raised his head up off of his pillow, “I know you’ve been bored lately, so I thought I’d ask.”

“Yeah, I’ll join you.” He said, “Where will you guys be? The tavern?”

“No, in my room, probably, I’m not sure. If not, then someone’s. I don’t know,” Gwaine shrugged. “Anyway, I’ll let you get your sleep.” He left and shut the door behind him, leaving Merlin in complete silence.

He laid his head back down on his pillow and closed his eyes. With Gwaine gone, he could finally think about what happened. Arthur left the joust, telling no one including his uncle, just to see if he was okay. And then Arthur asked him about his magic—something Merlin never thought Arthur would voluntarily do—and said that he didn’t care if Merlin used his magic because it was a part of him. / _A part of him/_.  Merlin placed a hand over his chest and could feel his heart still pounding. There was something about all of that that made him so nervous. And to make things worse, with each passing encounter he knew he was falling all over again. He knew from the way his heart skipped, and the way even the slightest brush of fingers made him feel like every nerve in his body was on fire. It was like he had been transported back in time three years Arthur when finally said, “I really like you, Merlin.” It was ridiculous, he knew that too, he could only imagine Morgana’s face if she found out how hard he’d fallen under Arthur’s spell—for lack of a better word.

He sighed and rolled over onto his stomach, shoving his face into his pillow. He fell asleep a few minutes later to the sounds of the festival continuing on outside. His last thoughts were of Arthur and of Morgana. There was nothing he wanted more than for things to work themselves out.

* * *

“So in the three years you’ve been gone, you’re telling me you’ve had no one?”

“Uh, yeah.” Merlin said as Percival pushed a pint of mead into his hands.

He’d only been in Percival’s room for a few minutes before Gwaine sat him down and began asking him question after question. He thought their night was going to be spent in Gwaine’s, but for whatever reason Gwaine won’t tell him, it had to be moved into Percival’s room. He was seated around the table with Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and Leon. They wasted no time trying to dig information out of him. Merlin swore they all gossiped more than serving girls. How they were all very close to being drunk so fast was beyond him. The only one that seemed sober, other than him, was Percival.

Gwaine snorted, “I don’t believe that.”

“Come on _Merlin_ , we’re all friends here.” Leon said, he was likely several drinks in already. Merlin took a drink from his cup and said nothing.

“I’m with Gwaine on this, I find it hard to believe.” Elyan added in, “Three years is a long time.”

“Right?!” Gwaine said as he sat down next to Merlin with his own cup. “And you’re not a bad looking guy, if I were a girl I’d—”

Percival cut him off, “Don’t finish that sentence.” 

“All I’m saying is: you’re not ugly. Why didn’t you have a lady?” Gwaine said and immediately afterwards, he chugged his entire cup down in one swift gulp. Merlin sighed and drank from his cup, he was going to need to drink a lot in order to catch up with these guys.

“ _Or_ maybe he did have one. And he’s not telling us.” Leon pointed at him.

“I swear on my life,” Merlin laughed, “there was no one.”

“Stop lying to us, Merlin.” Gwaine grumbled, “I’m offended you would keep lying to us. Your best friends and confidants. The men who would lay down their lives to protect you.” Merlin shrugged and took a swig.

Percival joined in on the teasing, “So who was it then? A servant?”

“A woman from a village you’ll never go back to?”

“Maybe Merlin’s a father.”

“What if it’s someone we know?”

“What if it’s Gwen?”

“It’s not Gwen.”  

“I bet it was Morgana.” Merlin spat out his drink across the table and began coughing harshly. Gwaine patted him on the back and He slowly turned his head towards him. The asshole was looking rather pleased with himself. “It was Morgana, wasn’t it?” Merlin was speechless. He couldn’t believe they thought that he and Morgana… That they could… He shivered.

Elyan gasped, “It _was_ Morgana.”

“It wasn’t—”

“They were together alone for three years, it makes sense.” Leon said. Merlin saw Percival in the corner of his eyes get up from his seat to fill up his cup, he noticed that without asking or being prompted, he took Gwaine’s empty cup up off of the table to fill it up too.

“You’ve to admit Merlin, it’s kind of suspicious.” Gwaine put his arm around the back of Merlin’s chair, “She was the first person to find you after your banishment, you stayed together in her tiny little hut or whatever, you found an _entire_ castle together and now you live there.”

“T-That doesn’t mean we’re together.” Merlin said, “Yes we’re very close, but there is no way I could ever,” he had to pause because the thought made his stomach turn, “ _kiss_ her.”

“Why not?” Leon questioned.

“She’s a beautiful woman,” Elyan pointed out, “Everyone has thought Morgana’s attractive at some point in their lives. I think even Arthur was attracted to her at one point.” 

“Can we please stop talking about this?” Merlin pleaded with them, “I don’t particularly want to talk about Arthur and Morgana together. They _are_ brother and sister.”

“It was before they knew they were related,” Leon explained for both Gwaine and Percival, seeing as they were the only ones who weren’t in Camelot at that time. “Arthur obviously doesn’t think that now, after she turned out to be a witch and wanted to kill him and his father. But yes, at one point Arthur definitely thought Morgana was pretty.”

“Well, she is.” Merlin said with a big gulp from his cup. He looked down into it and saw he was almost finished his glass, and he’d only been Percival’s room for less than ten minutes. He could feel the alcohol already going to his head.

“So you admit that you and Morgana are together?” Gwaine smirked just as Percival handed him his cup.

“What?!” Merlin said loudly, “How did you get that from me saying she’s pretty?”

“There is _no way_ you lived with her for three years, thought she was pretty and didn’t end up together.” Gwaine told him, “No way. You and Morgana are together.”

“Gwaine, c’mon.” Percival said quietly, “He said they’re not together.”

“I know.” Gwaine raised an eyebrow at him, “And I don’t believe him—”

“You know Gwaine read a book today,” Percival cut him off, “in the library.” Both Elyan and Leon collectively burst into laughter and began berating him with jokes and insults.

“I fucking hate you.” Gwaine threw a cloth that was on the table at Percival. “You’re dead to me.”

“That’s okay.” Percival pursed his lips, “It’s probably a lot quieter in death without you talking my ear off all the time.”

Gwaine gasped and pressed his hand to his chest. Merlin bit back a laugh and stood up, Gwaine turned to him and grabbed onto his tunic. “You’re not escaping my wrath.”

Merlin held up his cup, “I’m refilling my drink.” 

Gwaine blinked, seemingly forgetting his anger, “Good. You’re not drunk enough.”

He walked over to where they had set up the barrel of mead. He stared at it for a moment before he felt his cup being taken from him. Percival came up beside him and began filling it up for him. “Thank you for distracting him.” He whispered, unsure whether or not Gwaine could hear him.

“You’re welcome,” Percival replied with a smile. “When Gwaine drinks, he doesn’t realise how infuriating he can be. That’s why he always gets into fights when he’s drinking.” He finished filling up Merlin’s drink and handed it back to him. “He only realises how frustrating it is when he’s put in their position.” Percival nudged his head towards the table, where Elyan and Leon were teasing Gwaine. “You’d think he’d learn but everytime, without fail, he ends up fighting someone.”

Merlin chuckled before noticing Percival’s cup was filled with water, not mead. “You’re not drinking?”

“No, I have a shift early in the morning. I don’t want to man the gates if I’ve got a bad headache.” He explained, “Besides, someone needs to look after you and those idiots when you’re all drunk.”

Just then, Gwaine slammed his fists down on the table, “You know what? I fucking enjoyed the book. There. I said it. It was fun and informative. So fuck you.” He threw his arms up in the air and screamed at the top of his lungs, “I read a book!”

“Cheers,” Leon raised his cup in the air, “to Gwaine’s new found love of literature.” Gwaine and Elyan raised their glasses too, they all clanked their metal cups together and cheered. Merlin found it astounding how their argument and their teasing was forgotten in a matter of seconds.

It was nice to see them all let loose after being so uptight. Merlin had never seen them so tense during a festival. He had been watching their mannerisms and their eyes. Whenever he was out and about with Gwaine, he could see how precautious he was being. He can’t even imagine how hard the others were working—he’d barely seen them since the festival began, and even when he first arrived in Camelot, all of them were working constantly. He hadn’t seen them relax once until now. He wanted to ask why they were being overworked. Why they were so suspicious of Agravaine and his men—other than the obvious reasons, but he didn’t know how to approach the subject. He carefully took a drink from his cup before he cleared his throat, “You guys haven’t done this in a while, have you?”

“We’ve all been so busy since you’ve come back.” Percival sighed, “None of us are competing in the events or the tournament, we’re too busy. Agravaine’s got us doing all of the work. He’s got us running around doing all of the dirty work: Elyan and I’ve got the gates to watch over, Leon’s with Arthur but Arthur likes to be on his own, so Agravaine’s got him doing jobs that he hasn’t done since he was a squire. Gwaine’s the only one out of the four of us who isn’t working on Agravaine’s orders which, as you can probably tell, pisses him off.” Percival shrugged, “So yeah, we haven’t done this in a while.”

Merlin drank again, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Percival said, “We were busy before you came. It’s just more complicated now.”

“What?” Merlin titled his head to the side in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Suddenly Percival paled, “I-I—nothing.”  

“Merlin!” Gwaine called out, “Come here!” Percival looked like he’d been caught doing something illegal but Gwaine kept chanting his name until Merlin went back to his chair. And that was the worst decision Merlin had ever made in his life. The rest of the evening was a blur for the most part. There was a lot of drinking, shouting and jokes. Two hours later, he was several drinks in and he had a hard time telling whether or not the room was actually spinning. At one point, Gwaine grabbed his shoulder and said, “You’re magic.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s that like?”

“It’s, uh, it’s cool.” Merlin scratched his arm, “it’s hard to describe.”

“How strong are you?” Elyan asked him, well, that’s what Merlin thought he said. Elyan was by far the drunkest person in the room.

“I’m the strongest sorcerer of all time.” Merlin didn’t mean to brag, and he wouldn’t if he were not drinking, but the mead was talking for him. “I’m so powerful the Druids have a name for me.”

“What is it?” Gwaine was leaning back in his chair, his eyes were half open and his hair was pointing in all directions. Leon, who was sitting across from them, was struggling to stay awake – every few seconds his head would droop and he had to catch himself.

“Emrys.” He said, “It means immortal.”

“Immortal?” Percival was the only sober one, he was watching them all with an amused smile, no doubt trying to commit all of this to memory so he could ridicule them the next day. “You’re going to live forever?”

“I don’t know.” Merlin finished his drink and said nothing else. 

“If you’re so powerful, why were you in Camelot for so long?” Gwaine folded his arms across his chest, “You’re so fancy you’ve got a special name, but you’re mucking out the stables and making Arthur’s armor shiny.”

“Because my destiny is to help Arthur unite Albion.” Merlin paused to burp, “Our fates are intertwined. We’re two sides of the same coin. H-He’s supposed to be the greatest king ever.”

“The greatest king?” Gwaine snorted. “The man can’t even wash himself, needs someone to help him out.”

“No, he can do that. I’ve seen ‘im.” Merlin told him, “He’s good at it.”

Gwaine laughed, “He’s good at it? You’ve watched him before, have you?”

“I have.” Merlin rested his arms on the table, “Not recently.”

Gwaine shook his head with a chuckle, “I think whoever told you Arthur was great wasn’t in their right mind.”

“Well, it was a dragon.” Merlin laid his head on his arms and shut his eyes, he could already feel a headache coming on.

“What?” Gwaine suddenly perked up. “What do mean it was a dragon? There aren’t any dragons,” Gwaine was shouting at him and shaking his shoulders, “How can you talk to a dragon?”

Merlin swatted at him, “I’m a Dragonlord.”

“A Dragonlord? What in the world does that mean?”

“Dragons listen to me.” He laid his head back down on his arms, “I can talk to them and they gotta do what I say.”

Gwaine smacked him again, “You can’t just go to sleep after saying that, you little turd.” 

He giggled drunkenly and laid his head back down as Gwaine began shouting about how Merlin should’ve told them and how he was feeling betrayed that Merlin lied again. He could feel himself dozing off just as Leon began yelling at Gwaine for waking him while Gwaine continued to yell. The last thing he heard before falling asleep was Percival trying to calm Gwaine down and Elyan telling them all to shut up.  

* * *

The next thing he knew, the room around him was quiet. His head was slowly beginning to pound and he rubbed his temples tiredly. He cracked open his eyes and saw it was still dark outside. He looked around the room and found that he was the only one at the table. He tried standing up but his legs wobbled beneath him. He was more aware now, but he was still _very_ drunk. He could still taste the mead on his tongue. He retched slightly and rubbed his nauseated stomach.

A loud belch coming from the bed in the room startled him. He looked over and could barely make out Gwaine laying on it in the darkness. “Hey,” Gwaine mumbled. “You good?”

“Yeah.” He yawned and ran his fingers through his knotted hair, “You?”

“Yeah.” Gwaine belched again and grimaced, “Maybe not.” Gwaine rolled off of the bed and stumbled over to the table.

“Where is everyone else?” Merlin asked him.

“Perce went to take Elyan and Leon back to their rooms, left a while ago and hasn’t come back yet.” Gwaine grabbed a water pitcher off of the table and poured himself a cup. He gulped it down and filled it up again, he passed the cup over to Merlin. “Drink it, it’ll help your headache go away a bit.”

“How’d you know I had a headache?” Merlin said before drinking it.

“You drank your entire weight tonight, of course you’ve got a headache.” Gwaine sat down across from him, “I haven’t been this drunk in a while.”  

“Neither have I.” Merlin relaxed slightly and closed his eyes.

“Oi, Dragon boy, don’t go back to sleep.” Gwaine threw a piece of bread at him. Earlier on in the night, Elyan and Gwaine went and grabbed some food from the kitchens. They grabbed some bread, butter and some cured meats. They would’ve grabbed more but Chef found them and chased them out. “Did you miss us?”

“Hmm?”

“I asked if you missed us.”

Merlin opened one of his eyes, “Yeah.” Gwaine looked emotional from across the table, “Missed all of you. You, Percival, Leon, Elyan, Gwen, and Gaius.”

“Not Arthur?”

“I missed Arthur the most.”

Gwaine smiled knowingly, "Really? I'd never noticed."

The doors opened and Percival walked into the room, looking just as tired as them. “Oh, good, you’re awake.” He said when he saw Merlin sitting up at the table. “How are you feeling?”

“Drunk.” Merlin said.

Percival chuckled, “All right. Come on, I’ll help you to your room.” He helped Merlin stand up and start walking out of the room. “Gwaine, sleep in here tonight.”

Gwaine shook his head, “Can’t. Gotta watch Merlin.”

“Don’t worry about him. I’ve handled it.” Percival put an arm around Merlin and helped him walk across the room, “Go to sleep, Gwaine.”

With a large sigh, Gwaine stood up and took off the shirt he was wearing. He went up to the bed and fell onto it, “Goodnight Merlin.”

“Night.” Merlin rested his head against Percival’s shoulder and shut his eyes.

“Hey, don’t go to sleep yet. We’ve gotta walk back to your room.” Percival said walking them out of his room. Merlin mumbled something incoherent and yawned. He must’ve fallen asleep on the way from Percival’s room to his own because he had no recollection of the journey. “Merlin,” Percival’s voice cut through his sleep and he opened his eyes startled from the sound, “wake up.”

“’M awake.” Merlin rubbed his eyes.

“Merlin, this is Kay.” Percival said, introducing the knight standing in front of them. “He’s going to be staying outside your room tonight.”

“I don’t know him.” Merlin had never seen this knight before. It was so dark in the hall he could’ve been looking at a tree and he’d have no idea.

“I know.” Percival said, “He’s Kay and he’s a newer knight. One of the good ones, He’s going to be out here guarding your door for the rest of the night.”

“Okay.” Merlin patted Kay on the shoulder, “Bye.” He walked into his room without word. Percival followed behind him and helped him get into bed. He took off Merlin’s boots and placed them beside his bed.

“Goodnight.” Percival blew out the candles in Merlin’s room before heading to the door, Merlin was already too far gone to say anything. He heard the door shut and heard Percival’s footsteps fade away down the hall. A second later, he was asleep.

* * *

The sun was bright as it shined in Merlin’s room the next morning. He could feel the warmth seeping in from his windows and he basked in it. His head was positively pounding; with each breath he took it throbbed. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and groaned. He rolled over onto his stomach and tried to will himself to go back to sleep.

He was almost there, when he heard a soft hum from his table. He sat up quickly, ignoring the throbbing in his head and he saw Branwen. She was standing on top of his table, humming and looking at him peculiarly. “What are you doing in here?” He asked her, he stood up and walked over to her. She hopped over to him and purred when he pet her feathers. A cool breeze came in from his open window and went over to close it. He couldn’t remember it being open when he went over to Percival’s room. He shut it, along with the curtains, and turned back to his raven, she fluttered her wings happily and he smiled softly. He considered sending another letter to Morgana this morning, but he decided against it. He didn’t want Agravaine intercepting it and making more trouble than he wanted to deal with. Branwen hummed again and he said, “Are you hungry?” He fed her a blueberry from his plate and she gobbled it down quickly. “You shouldn’t be in here, you know. Anyone could walk in.” She blinked at him and hummed. He reached out to grab a goblet of water to give her and he knocked it over. The sound of the metal clanging against the wooden table sent a pulse of pain through his head.

He was about to go open his door and ask whoever was out there to fetch Gaius but he stopped. In the corner of his eye he saw a bottle sitting on his bedside table with a small note next to it. He picked it up and read, _‘For your headache –Gaius_ ’. He grinned and picked up the bottle, he popped off the cork and drank it. The taste wasn’t the best but he didn’t care, as long as his headache went away.

Branwen chirped again and he turned around to say something to her but he stopped. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

Morgana stood at his table, petting Branwen softly, “She’s such a beautiful bird.” He had to sit down. He couldn’t believe she was there. After _weeks_ of no contact, after _weeks_ of not knowing whether or not she was okay, there she was. Standing in his chambers petting his raven.

“W-Where’ve you been?” He said breathlessly, “It’s been weeks.”

She shrugged non-committedly, “I’ve been busy.”

Slowly his astonishment turned into anger. “You’ve been _busy_?” He stood up, “Morgana I’ve been worried.”

“Why?” She raised an eyebrow, “You’ve been fine here.”

He stuttered out something incomprehensible before finally saying, “Morgana, you left me for weeks with no contact. I had no idea whether or not you were alive! God, Morgana, I needed you! Arthur needed you! He _still_ needs you.”

“Merlin, come sit down.” She said calmly, “Someone came in earlier this morning and brought you some food. I cast the silencing spell, by the way, we won’t be bothered by anyone. They all think you’re still asleep.”

Merlin looked to the door cautiously before he made his way over to the table, he pointedly sat across from her. “How did you get in here?”

She pushed the plate of fruit towards him, “I used a spell. It wasn’t exactly hard to find you. I did live here most of my life; in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I haven’t.” He bit into a strawberry and chewed it, “Why didn’t you tell me where you were?”

Morgana sighed in defeat and crossed her legs, “Why does Arthur need me?”

“I asked you first.”

She glared at him before speaking, “I’ve been busy. Things are progressing faster than I thought they would, and I had to be there. Now you. Why does Arthur need me?” 

“He’s been having nightmares,” He said stubbornly. “Why didn’t you send word that you were okay? I’ve been sitting here thinking you were killed and that something had happened in Caerleon.”

“Everyone is fine.” Morgana said. “They don’t even know I’ve come here. I only told a select few I was leaving. As far as the others are aware, I’m still at our camp on the border waiting for word from you.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” He was hurt. They were each other’s allies, each other’s best friend’s, he couldn’t understand why she didn’t send a letter or at least send a raven with a note saying she’s safe.

“Because I knew you were going to be fine here.” She said, “You were safe here with my brother and his men, I knew you weren’t going to be in any urgent danger and I didn’t want to worry you. If you knew I was in Cenred’s kingdom, you would’ve tried to stop me.” Merlin looked away pouting slightly. “I’m right, am I not?”

“That’s not the point.” He said to her, “I would’ve—”

“Merlin look at me.” He did. “You know how dangerous it is right now, you know that more than anyone, that is _why_ I didn’t tell you. There’s no use in being angry.” Morgana studied his face for a moment and she changed the subject, “Why do you have a beard?”

He reached up and rubbed his facial hair, “I haven’t had time to cut it. I’ve gotten used to it though, so I don’t mind.”

Morgana made a face, “You don’t like beards, you’ve said that you think they’re eyesores. Do you want me to cut it?” She stood up and grabbed a pair of scissors from a small table near his wardrobe. She came over to him and held them up, “Well?”

He eyed the scissors hesitantly, “You don’t have to.”

“Merlin,” She said with the roll of her eyes, “Do you want to?”

“I-I don’t know,” he laughed nervously, “I’ve gotten so used to it.”  

She groaned before taking the first snip, “You’re such an exhausting human.” He stared up at her. He still couldn’t believe she was here. He was still a bit angry and hurt, but she was right—there was no use in being angry if she was safe and sound. “Why do Arthur’s nightmares concern me?” She asked him.

He wet his lips, “Well for one, he’s been having the same nightmares I’ve been having.” Morgana’s movements faltered, “He told me he dreams of Camelot’s demise and it’s the exact same situation as mine. The fire, the death, the screaming… It’s all the same.”

“How can he be having the same dreams as you?” She asked. Arthur almost said the exact same thing that night in his room. _“_ _How are we having the same dream, Merlin? How can I be having the same dream that sorcerers and druids are having?”_

“He asked me the same thing and I-I lied to him.” He needed to tell her about his nightmare with Arthur’s magic. She had to know. “I told him I don’t know, but I do.”

“What is it?”

“The nightmare’s changed.” He didn’t like talking about the nightmare. He didn’t even like thinking about it. It plagued his mind every time he closed his eyes for sleep. There were some nights where he was free of them, but those nights were the nights he dreamt of his memories—sometimes he didn’t like that much either.

She focused her eyes onto a section of his beard before cutting some more, “How so?”  

“Uh,” he coughed slightly, “all of Camelot is on fire. The flames are devouring the kingdom like a beast that can’t quench its hunger and I’m standing in the center of it all. It’s like, I’m actually there experiencing it. I can feel the heat on my skin and it hurts. A-And then I see him. Arthur.” He closed his eyes and he could picture Arthur standing there with the bloodstained sword. “He’s just standing there and he’s standing with a sword covered in blood.”

“Whose blood is it?” Morgana cut again.

“I don’t know; I’ve never been able to see.” He told her, “B-Because he looks at me, Morgana, and I’ve never seen Arthur look so… Evil. He’s smirking and he always looks like he’s about to start laughing at the destruction he’s caused. And,” his voice wavered, “then he says my name and his eyes are golden.”

Morgana stopped cutting and frowned, “What do you mean?”

“He’s casting, Morgana. In my dream Arthur has magic. My name, somehow, is a spell he’s casting.”

“That’s impossible.” She said, “Arthur does not have magic.”

“In my nightmares he does. In Arthur’s nightmares, he probably does too. He would never be able to tell though; he’s never used magic before. He doesn’t know how it feels.” Merlin said to her and she shook her head.

“No, I would know if Arthur had magic,” She said with finality. “Uther and Ygraine had no magic.”

“Nimueh did.” Merlin said, “Maybe somehow when she used magic to impregnate Arthur’s mother, it rubbed off on him. I don’t know. All I know is that there is a very high possibility that Arthur has magic.” Branwen hummed loudly and peaked at Merlin’s fingers. He picked up a blueberry and fed it to her. “I think it would make sense.”

“How?”

“We’ve known he’s been changing for a while but we didn’t know why. We always suspected the enemy had done something to him—that they cursed him or were controlling him somehow, but… I think it’s the magic inside of him doing it. When you learned of your magic, you changed too. You were afraid and you were on edge. You didn’t know what to do.” Merlin said, “You had nightmares and weren’t sleeping.”

“They were different,” Morgana said, “I was dreaming of the future.”

“What if he is too?” Merlin’s words made Morgana stop. “Since my first nightmare, we’ve thought it was a vision of the future. Why would it be any different for him?” Morgana wasn’t looking at him, instead she was staring at the scissors on the table. She was contemplating the idea of Arthur having magic. He understood why she was having a hard time wrapping her head around it; he had a hard time understanding it himself.  He tried to piece everything together. If Arthur had magic, and that was the reason for his nightmares, did Arthur know? He had been having the nightmares for a year, there was no way the thought hadn’t come across his mind at least once. All of a sudden, it all became clear. “I think he knows.”

“Who?”

“Arthur.” Merlin looked over to Branwen who was sitting quietly on the table, “Yesterday I used my magic to save a man’s life in front of him and Agravaine. Instead of getting thrown in the dungeon, Arthur came to talk to me about it. He asked me what spell I used, if it was difficult for me to not use my magic.” He picked up another blueberry, “I think he knows and that’s why he needs our help because he doesn’t understand it.”

“ _If_ Arthur does have magic, we will have to handle it in secrecy.” Morgana broke her silence, “The King of Camelot will have magic. There will be outcry. There will be attempts to overthrow him. The kingdom will be weak and vulnerable, and with our situation, we cannot let that happen.”

Merlin agreed with her. He reached out and fed the berry to Branwen, who hummed happily. “I tried sending you letters for the first two weeks telling you about Arthur, but Branwen kept returning them to me.”

“I wasn’t in Caerleon.” She picked up the scissors off of the table, “I was in the east.”

Merlin pet Branwen’s neck gently, “Why were you there?”

“I was contacted a few days after I last saw you. The letter said he needed to talk to me, but it was too dangerous to keep sending me letters. I left right away. We met by the north-eastern border in Cenred’s kingdom. I had to go quite a distance,” Morgana did look tired, he wondered if she had come straight to Camelot after leaving. “He told them he had to go see his family and they only gave him a week before he was expected back.” 

“How is he?”

“Tired, but safe,” Morgana said, there was a hint of sadness to her voice. “He was more paranoid and anxious than I’ve ever seen him. I made sure that there was no question of his safety, he insisted that they had no idea who he is.” Merlin finally reached out to the bread that had been brought in for his breakfast.

“The moment we have the chance,” he chewed, “we need to get him out of there.”

She picked up the scissors absently, “I have already been thinking about ways to help him escape. I am not afraid to go there myself and get him myself if it comes to that.”

He took another bite from his bread, “They’re going to be shaking in their boots when they see you with those scissors. You can threaten to cut their hair.”

“You’re disgusting,” she snickered and pointed the tip towards him, “stop chewing with your mouth open.” He took a big bite, chewed and opened his mouth. She stared at him with a gaze full of disbelief. “You are like a child.”

He swallowed the food and smiled, “You love me, though.”

She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately.”

“What was it that he had to tell you?” Merlin wondered.

“How strong they are, what some of their plans are, there wasn’t anything of any particular importance. I believe he simply wanted to see someone who was not one of them.” Morgana was lying. He could see it in her face. When she lied, her jaw shifted slightly and her hands became busy. He glanced down to her lap, where she was fiddling with the scissors.

He sniffed slightly before saying, “He risked that much to tell you things you already know?”

“I suppose.” She placed a piece of her hair behind her ear.

He was far too tired to keep this up.  Branwen flapped her wings from the table, Merlin broke off a piece of his bread and gave it to her. “Does he know I’m in Camelot?”

“Yes, he does,” she replied. “He wasn’t surprised. He said he knew you would return, despite not being keen on the idea. You are more predictable than you think.” Her smile faded somewhat, “He said it is where you’re supposed to be, where you always should have been.” He laid his hand down on the table and kept his gaze fixed on his raven. “He spoke of your fate and destiny, and how at the center is Camelot.” He had no idea why she was saying all of this, he had already told her of his destiny and the legends that had foretold his life. “You were born to protect it and its king.”

“W-Where are you going with this?”

“When the time comes, Merlin, you will need to choose to protect Camelot and Arthur over anything else.” She stood up and held out her arm, Branwen jumped up onto it and flapped her wings. The raven’s feathers were almost as black as the dress Morgana wore. “That is your main priority.”

“Morgana what are you talking about?” He watched her carefully as she went to the windows, with Branwen still standing on her arm. She reached into her dress with her spare arm and pulled out a piece of parchment sealed with wax. She attached it to Branwen’s leg.

She opened the curtain and window and said, “To Caerleon Castle.” Branwen flew from Morgana’s arm and out the window. She shut the curtain just as fast to ensure no one saw her.

Merlin stood up, “Morgana—”

“They are going to attack.” Her voice was low, “He doesn’t know when. He overheard the word ‘Camelot’ being said during a private conversation between their leaders. The next day, they began sending out notices to their allies to prepare for a battle. It only makes sense they are heading to Camelot.”

“Why now? What’s changed?” He was trembling, he thought they had more time.  

“He doesn’t know.” Morgana bit her lip, “He’s said they have all been left in the dark. They have been told to expect to leave at a moments notice.”

Merlin had to sit back down, his stomach was flipping and churning and it wasn’t from his alcohol the night before. “W-We could be attacked at any time, then?” She said nothing. The silence was deafening. “Do we tell Arthur?”

“No.” She declared and she left it at that. “The letter I sent is to tell everyone in Caerleon Castle of what I’ve learned and that I will be returning to them tonight. I’ve been gone for too long. I’ll send word when I’ve returned.”

“What about Arthur? He needs to talk to you.”

“What can I tell him that you cannot?” He swore he saw the hint of a smirk on her face.

“You went through the same things he’s going through now. You have answers for him that I don’t.” Merlin said. She shrugged as if to say that meant nothing. “He asked for you.” She continued to stay silent. “You should’ve seen him, Morgana. When he first asked for our help, he was desperate. When I told him we’d have to wait until I had word from you, he was distraught. I’ve never seen him so torn over something.” There was a beat, “You are the only one that can see if he truly has magic.”

Morgana’s eyes snapped to his, “I’ve only ever done that once.”

“But you can try again.” He pled, “Please Morgana.” 

“I cannot stay here longer than tonight,” She said firmly. “It is far too unsafe to speak to him about it here. You will have to bring him to Caerleon.”  

“Don’t you think that would be more dangerous with the enemy threatening to attack?” He asked her, while he would rather the conversation be held in Caerleon as well, taking Arthur out of Camelot when there’s the danger of being ambushed was dangerous too.

Morgana looked around the room, “There was always something about Camelot that made it seem like you could never tell a secret here and have it remain one.” Merlin thought of Agravaine, his knights and Isabelle—they would do anything to know all of Arthur’s secrets. “Who was that knight that came in here this morning?”

“What did he look like?”

“Full of himself.”

“Gwaine. Arthur’s ordered him to stay by my side while I’m here.” Merlin said, “You’ve met him before, when you had the Cup of Life.”

“Do you really expect me to remember that? I _was_ quite busy.” She rested her hands on the table and leaned on them, “Do you trust Gwaine?”

“With my life.”

“Tell him of yours and Arthur’s plans to Caerleon.” He raised an eyebrow, he wasn’t expecting that. “Do not tell him why you’re leaving, but have him know that you are.” He didn’t know why that thought hadn’t come across his mind. He couldn’t just up and leave with Arthur without anyone noticing. They would need someone to cover for them. And Gwaine was that someone.

“I’ll bring it up with him after I speak to Arthur. I don’t know when that will be, though. He’s been occupied with the festival and whatever else Agravaine has got him doing.”

“He’s still manages to make time for you, doesn’t he?” She said with the hint of a smirk playing on her lips. Merlin’s blood rushed to his cheeks. “Merlin you’re blushing!”

“I’m not.” He placed his hands over his cheeks, “It’s warm in here.”

She laughed, “It’s really not.”

“It is!” He went to open one of the windows and he pushed open the curtains, there was no wind and the air was actually quite warm.

“You’re pathetic.” She joined him by the window but made sure to hide behind the curtains, “It’s only been three weeks.”

“Nothing’s happened!” He said loudly, “We’ve only talked a few times.”

“Obviously that doesn’t matter,” she teased, “you’ve already fallen for him.” 

He blushed even harder, “I haven’t.”

“You’re such a liar.” She bumped her shoulder into his, “What did he say that charmed you? I know how charming he can be.” She bumped him again, trying to egg him on.

He exhaled in defeat, “A-All he said was that I don’t have to hide my magic because it’s a part of him, that I’m not me without it.” He felt his cheeks grow warmer, “And he said—”

The doors burst open, “Wake up!” Merlin spun around and out of instinct he raised his arm in front of Morgana to protect her.

Gwaine stood there with his mouth hanging open in shock at the sight of Morgana in his room. “What is _she_ doing here?!” The doors were still wide open behind Gwaine, allowing anyone close enough to hear him and anyone walking by to see that she was there. He cast a spell and the doors slammed shut. The knight drew his sword and pointed it towards her, “Why is she here Merlin?”

“Gwaine,” he held up his hands and slowly walked towards his friend, “it’s fine. She’s not here to do anything.”

“Then why is she here?!” Gwaine shouted at the same time that Morgana recast the silencing spell. “What did she just do?”

“I made it silent.” Morgana said, “There is no point in yelling now.”

Gwaine looked to Merlin utterly confused and repeated for the fourth time, “What is she doing here?” 

“Put your sword away.” Merlin said.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.” Gwaine steadied his hand and kept the sword pointed at Morgana.

Merlin and Morgana exchanged looks before Merlin said, “You should sit down.”

Over the next half hour, Merlin explained to Gwaine what was happening. He told him about the nightmares, excluding Arthur’s involvement, he told him about their enemy and he told him about their plans to attack. Morgana added in a few details here and there, but for the most part Merlin was the only one talking. The entire time he spoke, Gwaine was silent. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were cast away. His sword was still unsheathed, and he had it standing up on the floor with the point on the stone floors and his hand resting on the hilt.

When he was finally finished, the room went silent. Gwaine kept his gaze fixed somewhere and Morgana, well, she probably had nothing to say. It was a few moments later before Merlin saw Gwaine move his hand down from the pommel of his sword to the grip. And then, “Is this the only reason why you’ve returned?”

Merlin hesitated, “I-I—What do you mean?”

Gwaine shook his head, “We all thought you came back because it’d been three years and _missed_ us. Or because you heard about how bad Arthur had gotten. I never thought it’d be something as selfish as this.”

“Selfish?” Merlin questioned, “How am I selfish?”

“Damn it, Merlin, I’ve been with you non-stop for three weeks and in all that time, didn’t you think ‘Hmm, maybe I should tell Gwaine about the evil people wanting to destroy his home’?” Gwaine finally looked to him and he’d never seen such anger in his face. “You’ve known for _months_ and you didn’t bother telling any of us. Fuck, does Arthur know?”

Merlin felt a ball of emotion form in his throat, “N-No, he doesn’t know about the attack, not yet. The other stuff, yes, he knows.” Gwaine rolled his eyes, “I was trying to work things out and make sense of them so that you guys would understand—”

Gwaine interrupted him with a harsh laugh, “We’re not idiots, Merlin. You could’ve _talked_ to us. We would’ve understood, and even if we didn’t, we would’ve learned to understand it.”

“It’s not that easy, Gwaine.” Merlin said, “It’s so much more complicated than you think—”

“What’s so complicated about it?! There’s an enemy and we need to fight that enemy. Boom. That’s it.”

“You don’t know what these people are capable of!”

“Teach me!” Gwaine shouted and slammed his fist down on the table. “Why do you keep coming up with excuses? What are you afraid of?” Merlin couldn’t answer. “Is it because of your magic?” The silence from Merlin stretched on. Gwaine growled, “The fact that you still think that matters is ridiculous. You heard us last night, Merlin, we don’t care about your bloody fucking magic. None of us do. Didn’t care about the night we found out, don’t care about it now. It’s just magic—”

“Then where were you?!” Merlin screamed at him, “Where were you when I was getting punched and kicked and having the life beat out of me?!” Merlin’s screaming stunned Gwaine, whatever anger Gwaine had was gone, in its place: confusion.

Morgana broke her silence, “Merlin. Tell him about Caerleon.” 

Merlin clenched his jaw and tried to relieve the tension built up inside of him. “Arthur and I are going to Caerleon.”

“Why?”

“He needs to talk to Morgana.”

Gwaine glanced at the woman in the room before he turned back to Merlin, “Why?”

“I can’t tell you that.” Merlin said and he saw the anger flash back into Gwaine’s eyes for a moment, and then it was gone again.

“Are you going to tell him about the attack?” Gwaine asked.

“No, and he’s not going to know.”

“Why?” The anger returned back into Gwaine’s voice.

“It’s complicated.” Merlin stated. “I need you to cover for us when we go to Caerleon.”

Gwaine clicked his tongue, “No. I’m coming with you.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.” Gwaine was stubborn. “It’s unsafe heading to Caerleon now that the kingdom is under threat of attack. It would be wrong of me to let my king endanger himself because you won’t tell him there’s an attack. Percival will come, too.”

“No.”

“Merlin, right now? I really don’t care what you think.” Gwaine laughed bitterly, “Percival and I are coming with you. Elyan and Leon will cover for Percival, Arthur and I. You can get out of the city on your own, no one’s going to come looking for you.” 

“You mustn’t tell anyone about what we’ve told you today.” Morgana said.

“I won’t. Only to Percival, and I’ll say very little, just enough for him to understand.” Gwaine stood up and put his sword in its sheath. “I don’t know what I’ll tell Elyan and Leon, but you don’t need to worry about them. They’d understand though, if I told them. They’re good at understanding things.”

Merlin’s jaw shifted and he had to suppress the need to say something.

Morgana looked to the slightly opened curtain and said, “I should go. The sun will be setting soon.”

“What?” Merlin looked and she was right, the sky was beginning to change colour. “When did I wake up?”

“You slept in all day,” Gwaine said.

Morgana prepared herself to leave, she put on her cloak that she had left on a chair in the corner. She was wearing completely black, in true Morgana fashion. She lifted the hood over her head and walked towards the door. Merlin walked to the door to see her out.

“I will be in touch.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and kept it there for a second.

“I’ll try to let you know when we’re on our way.” He didn’t want her to go, but he knew it was safer for her in Caerleon than it was here. “Be safe.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Gwaine offered.

“I am fine on my own.” Morgana let her hand fall from Merlin’s shoulder.

“With Agravaine around, anything can happen.” Gwaine told her.

She accepted his invitation begrudgingly and she looked back to Merlin, “I will see you soon.” He grinned slightly and she whispered out the invisibility spell. She vanished before his and Gwaine’s eyes.

Gwaine opened the door, breaking the silencing spell, he looked back at Merlin. “You wait in here, Merlin, is that understood? I’m furious at you but Arthur will wring my neck if I let my emotions get you hurt.”

“Okay.” Merlin followed Gwaine out of the room anyway, he stood just outside his doorway and watched as Gwaine—who looked more suspicious than he should’ve—walked Morgana down the hall. When Gwaine disappeared from his sight, Merlin leaned against his doorway and let his head fall back. He felt terrible. He shouldn’t have yelled at Gwaine. He understood why Gwaine was upset with him, if he was in Gwaine’s position he’d be upset too. He should’ve just told Gwaine about the enemy, he should’ve told Gwaine about his nightmares…

He was an idiot. Gwaine was his friend, one of his best friends. Gwaine was sacrificing so much to help him out and keep him safe while he’s in Camelot. They all were. Percival said it’d been a long time since they had a chance to relax and let loose.

Was all of this Merlin’s fault? If it hadn’t been for him using his magic to save Uther, the king might’ve lived—or he might’ve died—but Merlin would have stayed in Camelot. He would’ve helped Arthur in his mourning. He would’ve caught onto Agravaine’s deceptiveness right away; he would’ve done anything in his powers to make Arthur see his uncle wasn’t trustworthy. Arthur’s stubborn like a mule, but he would’ve gotten through to him. When Arthur’s nightmares came, he would’ve helped him deal with it all. He wouldn’t let him suffer for a year with no one to speak to. Gwaine and the others would have time to be themselves and have fun. Arthur would be happy. Camelot would be safe.

Everything would be better if he’d just kept his mouth shut.

He shook his head and clenched his fists at his side. He shouldn’t think like that. If it wasn’t for that night and the events that took place, he wouldn’t have reconciled with Morgana. He wouldn’t have a new home, where he was safe to use his magic openly.

He was letting his emotions get the best of him. He’d probably be crying if he wasn’t standing in the hall. He backed into his room, shut the door and latched it. He kept his hands on the handles, he couldn’t move. He kept thinking back to his outburst. He shouldn’t have mentioned that night to Gwaine. He had done it once before and he saw the confusion it had left on Gwaine’s face—but now Gwaine knew how much the night affected him. How hurt he had been; how hurt he still was.

He sucked in a shuddering breath and a single tear fell onto his cheek.

“Merlin?” He heard through the thick doors, followed by two knocks. It was Gwen. He rested his forehead against the door and didn’t reply. There were another two knocks, “Merlin, are you in there?”  

“Coming!” He wiped his face with the back of his hand and opened the door.

Gwen was standing on the other side, a warm smile on her face and a kind expression in her eyes. She was wearing a rose coloured maid’s dress, and her hair was done in a single French braid. “Did I wake you?”

He shook his head, “No. I’ve been awake for a while. Do you want to come in?” He tried to sound as cheerful as he could, but he’d never been a very good actor.

“Yes, thank you.” She said as she walked in. He shut the doors softly after her and he continued to stand by it. “Where’s Gwaine?” Gwen asked as she took in his absence.

“He, uh, he had an errand to run in the city.” He lied.

“This late?” She questioned, “It’ll be dinner soon.”

“It was an urgent errand.” He lied again.

“Right.” She said knowingly. They stood there awkwardly for a minute, “Are you okay?” She asked him, “After yesterday, I mean.”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He said, “I was a bit tired but other than that I was fine.”

“That’s good.” She grinned, “I was worried for you. Elyan told me it was fine, but I wanted to hear from you myself. I would’ve come sooner but I had Arthur to deal with.”

“Why?” He asked, “What’s he done now?”

Gwen wet her lips and laughed slightly, “Agravaine wasn’t impressed with your ‘magic show’ during the joust, he said it was a disgusting display of treason. One that you should pay for.” She sat down and smoothed down the creases in her dress. “Arthur didn’t like that.” Merlin frowned, what did Arthur do? Gwen answered his unspoken question, “And, well, he went off on him.”

“He did what?”

Gwen held back a giggle, “Oh you should’ve seen it Merlin. Agravaine was ranting about your magic and the stupid laws in Camelot, and how Uther would’ve had your head on his dinner plate if he was around. And Arthur sat patiently through it but it got to the point where Agravaine was not stopping anytime soon and Arthur interrupted him and said, ‘Are you finished?’ and Agravaine was flabbergasted. He had no words for him and Arthur said, ‘If you are, may I speak?’ and Agravaine kind of,” Gwen motioned with her hand and imitated Agravaine, “and Arthur told him that he really has no authority over the situation.” Gwen bit her lip slightly, “Agravaine snapped back saying that it is the law, your magic is wrong and you should be used as an example.”

Merlin felt his palms sweating, “A-And what did Arthur say?”

“The laws are wrong.” Gwen said, “He said they’re old and the world has changed since his father was alive.” Merlin fell back against the door, subtly enough that he hoped Gwen wouldn’t notice. “I’ve never seen Agravaine so angry. He told Arthur to hold his tongue and he asked him if he had any respect for his father at all.”  

“W-Why didn’t I hear about this? Gwaine would’ve told me.”

“He doesn’t know.” Gwen told him, “It was Arthur and I. And some of the knights I don’t know as well.” He didn’t ask where Leon was, if this was after the joust, Leon was probably dealing with the mess of having both the king and his uncle leave in the middle of the event. “Arthur argued some more after that, he threw a plate and Agravaine told him he was being a child. He told Arthur to go to his room and calm down. Arthur stormed out, I followed and Arthur’s been in his room since.”

“He hasn’t been to the tournament?” The skies were turning a red hue; the tournament had already finished for the day. Tomorrow there would be the semi-finals in the morning, and the finals in the afternoon—in time for the feast in the evening.

“Not at all. He’s been in his room all day grumbling. Agravaine’s maid has been trying to get in to change his sheets. I’ve told her probably a million times now that I’ve already done it but she keeps insisting.” Gwen shook her head as if it was nothing. Merlin, however, thought it was bizarre. Why were Agravaine’s servants superseding her authority? First it was that servant yesterday who kept trying to get Arthur to go to lunch and now it was Agravaine’s maid trying to do Gwen’s job. Gwen was the most senior servant in Camelot, she had been working for the royal family since she was a young teenager. It made no sense for them to try and order her around.

He didn’t voice his concern, instead he said, “That’s strange.”

“It is but it brings me to why I’m here in the first place.” She cleared her throat, “Arthur wants to have dinner with you.”

“Tonight?”

“Yes.” Gwen glanced over her shoulder to look at the open windows. “Dinner should be served soon, and I’ve already told the kitchen staff to bring two plates.”

Merlin fidgeted with the cuffs of his sleeves. He wanted to see Arthur, but not because of what’s happened with Morgana and Gwaine. Of course, he’d have to tell Arthur about the situation, but he really just wanted to see him. “Okay,” he said, “I’ll go.”

Gwen raised a brow, “That was easier than I thought it was going to be. I expected you to argue with me.” There was a hint of teasing in her voice, “I’m glad though.”

“Why?”

She shrugged and pursed her lips, “I don’t know. I’m just glad. Arthur has been more himself in these past few weeks than he has been in three years. You’re more like yourself now than you were when you first returned. It’s nice, you know? You two bring out the best in each other.” He flickered his eyes away, avoiding Gwen’s gaze. “It’s not a bad thing,” she said with some concern, “all I’m saying is that you two are more like yourselves, and I think that’s because you’ve been spending time together.” She stood up, walked over to him and she placed a hand on his shoulder. Gwen pursed her lips, “You should come over after the tournament tomorrow and have some dinner.”

He looked back to her, “Okay.”  

Gwen smiled and said, “I’m sure Gwaine won’t mind.”

“No. He won’t.” Gwen seemed to sense the tension in his voice at the mention of Gwaine. Merlin knew Gwaine would willingly come with him to Gwen’s, but it would be tense and Gwaine—for once in his life—would probably stay quiet.

Gwen scanned her eyes over his face and she placed a hand over his cheek, “Is everything all right?” She asked, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost…” Her voice was low and careful. “I-Is it your nightmares? Are they bad?” Gwen knew about his nightmares; she had been there when he told Gaius but he felt like he had to walk on eggshells now that Gwaine knew. Gwen was the last person he’d want to upset and if her reaction to him being allies with Morgana was anything, she’d be more than upset if she found out Morgana had been in his room only minutes before. “Have you spoken to Gaius more about them? Perhaps there is something he could give you. A sleeping potion, maybe?”

“No,” he said, and it wasn’t entirely a lie, “it’s not my nightmares.”

Gwen was obviously unsatisfied with his reply but she didn’t push further. She rubbed his scruff covered cheek absently before she looked over her shoulder, looking out the windows. “I should go and grab dinner,” she took a step away, “I’ll tell Arthur you’re coming but there’s no rush. Come when you’re ready.”

“Alright.” He said and he opened the doors for her. “I’ll see you.”

Gwen turned back before leaving completely, “I wasn’t going to say anything but I don’t know if you’ve noticed, your beard is kind of…” She pointed to her own face, “Lopsided?”

Morgana never finished cutting it for him, he must look like such an idiot. “I haven’t finished.”

“I could tell,” Gwen giggled softly. She left after that and Merlin shut the doors softly. He went right to the table, picked up the scissors, and he finished cutting his beard to the best of his ability.

As he placed the scissors back down, he could hear Gwaine’s voice. Merlin stood up and went to the windows. He saw Gwaine speaking to both Percival and Elyan in the courtyard—Percival and Elyan must have just finished a shift at the melee. Gwaine was looking nervous and unsettled, Merlin knew Morgana was still with him. He couldn’t see her or sense her—he could always call out to her and ask if she was still there, but there was no point. Gwaine seemed to say something to the pair of knights before he bid them farewell. Merlin watched as Gwaine, probably by mistake, reach up to put his hand on the small of Morgana’s back, leading her away. She must’ve said something to him letting him know where she was. Gwaine dropped his hand just as fast as he’d raised it, and he walked out of sight and towards the main gates. Gone.

* * *

Merlin waited to go to Arthur’s room for another 15 minutes. He only left when he could hear the servants in the halls wandering around the halls bringing their masters’ dinner. Arthur’s room wasn’t that far away, only a few doors down from his own. Right before he had a chance to knock, the doors opened, and Isabelle came out, much to his confusion. She was carrying a basket of linens, along with a spool of twine sitting on top. He eyed the twine carefully and she moved it out of his sight. She pushed past him making him almost lose his footing, he grabbed onto the door to keep his balance. She never looked back at him as she walked down the hall in haste, clutching the basket firmly against her body.

He heard a soft cough from inside Arthur’s room and he peered in. Arthur was sitting at his desk absorbed in reading some papers, unaware Merlin stood in his doorway. He could see Gwen had already brought their food and it was sitting at Arthur’s desk, rather than the table. He could tell Arthur hadn’t started yet, possibly because he was waiting for Merlin to arrive. Merlin stepped in slowly but he kept the door slightly open, he wanted to watch Arthur in his own little world. Arthur kept his eyes on the papers as he reached for his cup, he grasped it and drank whatever was in it steadily. Merlin chose that moment the shut the doors.  

Arthur almost spat his drink out onto the papers in front of him. Merlin had to hold back a laugh, “Sorry.”

“I thought you were Guinevere,” Arthur coughed, “when did you get here?”

“Few seconds ago,” Merlin smiled slightly as Arthur continued to cough, “you okay there?”

“Perfect. Never been better.” Arthur’s voice cracked as he spoke and it made Merlin chuckle, “Stop laughing.” Merlin tried to keep a straight face and apologised once more. His straight face didn’t last for long when Arthur was hit with another coughing spree. “I feel like I’m dying.”

Merlin walked across the room and poured Arthur a cup of water, “You’re being dramatic. Drink this.”

Arthur took the goblet and drank it slowly, Merlin found himself placing his hand on Arthur’s back and rubbing it softly. “Thank you, Merlin.” Arthur’s voice was hoarse but the coughing had stopped. “Where would I be without you?”

“Probably choking to death on your,” Merlin peered into the forgotten cup on the table, “wine?”

“Yes.” Arthur confirmed while finishing off of the goblet of water. “Do you want some?”

Merlin moved around to the other side of the table to sit down across from Arthur, “Not really, no.”

Arthur chuckled, “I suppose wine loses its desirability after watching someone almost choke on it.” Merlin sat down and looked down at the food in front of him. It wasn’t anything extravagant, it was a roast chicken and potatoes, along with some other vegetables scattered around the plate. Arthur picked up his fork and knife and asked, “How are you? Were you able to rest yesterday?”

“Yeah, a bit.” Merlin said as he began to eat, too.

“That’s good,” Arthur smiled, but the smile wasn’t there for long. “I know I voiced my concern yesterday, but when I saw Gwaine pull you from the joust and you were almost… Lifeless. I was worried something had gone wrong. Magic is such a-a complicated thing, there is so much to it, I didn’t know if you’d messed something up and hurt yourself.”  

“I’m fine.” Merlin reassured him, “It was the—”

“The spell, I know, I’m glad you’re okay now.” Arthur filled his goblet up with water and poured a cup for Merlin as well. “Have you been to the tournament yet?

“No I, uh, slept in all day.” Merlin’s face flushed, he didn’t know why he was embarrassed—maybe it was the way Arthur was smiling at him with amusement. “Gwen said you haven’t gone either.”

“I haven’t.” Arthur cleared his throat slightly Merlin sensed he wasn’t quite finished, “I got into an argument with my uncle. About magic. He was quite angry with your magic despite you saving that man’s life. He was ranting on and on, and I had had enough of it. I told him there was nothing wrong what you did. And in return he said I had no respect for my father or the kingdom he built.” Arthur chewed his food slowly, “Sometimes I find my uncle doesn’t see me as king and the ruler of Camelot. And that I’m still a prince who hasn’t any idea what he’s doing.” Merlin knew that. Agravaine saw Arthur as the only thing sitting in his way when it comes to the throne. If something were to happen to Arthur, Agravaine would be his only living relative—well, except Morgana. It worried Merlin when he saw Arthur blindly trusting Agravaine and was failing to see his ulterior motives. Merlin wanted to voice his suspicions but he had no evidence. Agravaine had shown no signs he was plotting against Arthur, the only thing he had really done that raised any alarms in Merlin’s mind was Agravaine threatening his life. Though, he knew that would be enough to sway Arthur’s trust from his uncle, it was far too soon to say anything.

“I’m sorry.” Merlin said finally, “You shouldn’t be arguing with Agravaine because of me.”

“You don’t have to apologise; you’ve done nothing wrong. If anything, it’s me who’s done wrong.” Arthur said. “The laws _are_ old, the world is far different than what it was when my father was alive and well. As King I should be acknowledging those changes and moving with that, but I haven’t exactly been fulfilling my duties,” Arthur trailed off quietly before he shook his head. “I haven’t wanted to face my uncle since then, he has a tendency to think he was right when it comes to these things. He’ll want me to agree with him and I’ll probably tell him that I do.”

“But you don’t.”

“No.”

“Then why lie?”

Arthur shrugged, “It’s easier.”  

 _It’s easier_. Merlin had never heard anything more true, ironically. He kept quiet about what was happening because it was easier. It was easier to say nothing than to have to explain how complicated the situation was. It was easier. That’s all it was. And it was in that moment, that Merlin realised Gwaine was right. He’d been selfish. He had chosen the path that would be easier for him without realising how difficult it would be for everyone else.

“Is something wrong, Merlin?” Arthur watched him carefully, Arthur could read him like a book. “Did something happen?”

Merlin sucked in a breath, _here we go_. “I spoke to Morgana.”

Arthur stopped chewing his food for a second and he swallowed, “When?”

“Today, before I came here.” Merlin couldn’t eat, he placed his fork down on the table.

Arthur raised an eyebrow, “She was here? In the castle?”

“Yeah, in my room.”

Arthur was alarmed, “Is she still here?”

“No, she’s left. I wanted her to speak to you today, but she thought it’d be too dangerous to stay any longer. When she left, Gwaine walked her out to make sure she wasn’t spotted.” He didn’t want to go into explaining the invisibility spell, not right now.

“Gwaine knows?” Arthur sat up straighter, “W-When did you tell him? How much does he know?”

“He walked into my room today and saw Morgana, I couldn’t not tell him.” Merlin explained, “He knows about my nightmares now. How long I’ve been having them, what they’re about, that the others are having them too. He knows you need to speak to Morgana, but he doesn’t know why.” Merlin could see in Arthur’s face that he was afraid of Gwaine knowing. “The only people that know are myself and Morgana, unless you’ve said something to someone else—”

“No. There’s no one else.” Arthur cut in, “Nobody.” 

A silence stretched on between them, but it was comfortable. There was no rush for Arthur to ask the questions Merlin knew he had. Arthur was probably going to ask what Morgana had to say, if she had an idea why he was having nightmares, if Camelot was safe at the moment. Merlin would tell him everything. Arthur was the only person that he wouldn’t keep a secret from, aside from his speculations Arthur has magic. He would keep that to himself for now. Now, he had to bring up Caerleon and he did just that. He told Arthur, “Morgana wants you in Caerleon.”

Arthur was taken aback, “Caerleon?”

“She wants to speak to you and she can guarantee it will be safe for you there.”

“How would we get there? I can’t leave without my absence being noticed.” Arthur wasn’t arguing and he wasn’t putting down the idea. “My uncle would know right away.”

“I know, but it’s the only place where we know what we say will be kept a secret.” Merlin was about to say more, when he heard his name being called out in the hall.

“Merlin!” The doors swung open and Gwaine stormed in, “What did I say? I said wait in your room. I come back from running my errands and find you not in your room. I swear on my life; one day I am going to put a leash on you so you can’t wander away.”

“Gwaine, shut the door.” Arthur ordered.

Gwaine went serious, he latched the door shut and turned back to Merlin and Arthur. His jaw was set tight, and Merlin realised Gwaine was putting on a show. He was acting as if nothing had happened, like he was never mad in the first place. Now, hidden by the doors, he let his true emotions show. “How much have you told him?” Gwaine’s voice was monotone.

“I’ve only just started telling him about Caerleon.” He said.

Gwaine walked towards him and Arthur, he had his arms cross against his chest. “Nothing else?”

“No.” Gwaine was trying to get him to tell Arthur about the attack, but there was no way he was doing that. Arthur had more to worry about right now. “Just Caerleon.”

“Hmm.” Gwaine pulled up a chair and slid it against the floor, he sat down and looked at Merlin expectantly. “Well go on. Tell him about it. Tell him about Morgana. Tell him about yours plans.”

“Gwaine,” Arthur said warningly, “let him talk.”

Merlin inhaled deeply, “Gwaine’s graciously volunteered himself and Percival to join us on our way to Caerleon.”

Arthur flickered his gaze over to Gwaine, “Why?”

“It’s safer that way,” Gwaine left it at that.

Arthur repeated his earlier question, “How can I leave without being noticed? If I’m gone for more than a day or two, my uncle will come looking for me. People will begin to wonder where I am.” Arthur wet his lips, “If they notice you two are gone, they’ll know I’ve gone with you.”

“It’s the only way, Arthur.” Merlin told him. “It’s not safe to send Morgana letters and you need to talk to her.”

“But how? _How_ can I leave?” Arthur asked.

They went quiet for the next few minutes. Merlin was trying to find an answer, and he assumed Gwaine was doing the same. Arthur waited patiently for them to say something. He, too, was no doubt trying to find an answer to his question. Arthur wanted to speak to Morgana more than anything, 

It was Gwaine that spoke next, “Elyan and Leon will cover for us. They can tell Agravaine you haven’t feeling well, that you’re in one of your moods again. Leon will be in charge of making sure no one goes into your room, he can tell them that you don’t want to see anyone, not even Gwen. Elyan will cover for Percival and me. No one’s going to wonder where Merlin’s gone, if they ask, he’ll say Merlin’s left.” Gwaine continued, “When we leave, Perce and I will make sure Arthur gets out without being seen. Merlin can find his own way out of the castle, no one will go looking for him when they’ve noticed he’s gone.”

“No.” Arthur shook his head. “Someone needs to be with Merlin.”

“He’ll be fine for half an hour—”

“No.”

Merlin saw the muscle in Gwaine’s jaw shift before he said, “I’ll have Kay watch over him, but he’s the last knight we can risk. If we use another, word will get around and the other knights will hear.” In other words, Agravaine’s knights will hear. “I’ll tell Kay to lead Merlin out of the city, just to make sure he leaves with no problems.” Merlin’s memories of Kay from the night before weren’t the best, the only clear memory he had was Percival telling him he was one of the good knights.

“Okay.” Arthur reached out and grabbed a chicken leg from his plate, and he took a bite. Neither Merlin or Gwaine said anything as he chewed. Arthur swallowed his bite, “We’ll leave tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Merlin and Gwaine repeated in unison.

“Tomorrow.” Arthur confirmed. “The tournament ends tomorrow, my uncle and the others will be distracted by it and the feast afterwards. If we leave before the tournament, we’ll go unnoticed for the afternoon and the evening. I believe, that is the best option. Any other time will be setting ourselves up for failure.”

Gwaine was going to argue and say that wasn’t enough time to prepare, Merlin could see it in his eyes. “He’s right,” Merlin said to him, “tomorrow is our only chance. We’ve all night to prepare.”

For the rest of the evening the threesome planned in detail, what they were going to do. First, they planned how they were going to get Arthur out of the castle without being noticed by anyone other than Gwaine, Percival and the other knights. Gwaine suggested that they dress Arthur up in a disguise, but Merlin shut that down. He said, “Arthur is easiest person to identify in Camelot, if someone recognises him in a disguise they’re going to start asking questions.” They were stumped for quite some time. At one point, Gwaine reached over for Merlin’s, now cold, plate of food.

And then Arthur said, “How did Morgana come here and then leave without being detected?”

“There’s a spell,” Merlin began, “an invisibility spell. There’s several versions of it, but I assume she used one of the stronger ones.”

“Can you cast it on me?” Arthur asked him, “Or on us both? We would be able to keep this between the three of us, Leon and Elyan. We wouldn’t have to include Kay, or any one else. And would it not easier for us to go together, rather than separate?”

“I think it would be better the other way,” Gwaine said, adamant about his earlier suggestion.

Arthur turned to Merlin, “Would do you think?”

Merlin thought it over. It would make getting Arthur out of the city a lot easier, but he saw no point in casting it on himself. He saw no downsides to the idea, other than having to hear Gwaine disapprove. “If we use the invisibility spell, I’ll only cast it on Arthur. Like Gwaine said, no one will be looking for me.” Gwaine raised an eyebrow at that. “We’ll need to go from the castle to the gates with no distractions. The spell doesn’t have a time limit, but I think it’d be best to lift the spell the moment I can.” He didn’t want something to happen and to have Arthur invisible for any longer than he needed to be.

Gwaine huffed, “I don’t agree.”

“What would you have us do, then?” Merlin argued, “Someone will see no matter what we do. This way, no one will.”

After another huff, Gwaine begrudgingly agreed to the plan. Arthur mentioned that there would be a very small timeframe after the lunch he was expected to go to, where the Lords, Ladies and Agravaine who are all taking part in the lunch, will have returned to their rooms to ready themselves for the tournament finals. It would be one of their only chances Agravaine will be distracted from the tournament and Arthur. They decided that after the lunch, Leon would meet Arthur just outside the hall and walk with him to his chambers. Merlin will wait in his own chambers until Gwaine comes to fetch him to go to Arthur’s room. There, Merlin would cast the spell and Arthur would be made invisible. From there, he and Gwaine (along with Arthur) would walk out of the castle and to the gates to meet Percival and Elyan.

They’ll leave the city after that, and Gwaine who was still a bit bitter they weren’t going with his plan, brought up something else. He said, “Covering for Arthur isn’t going to be hard, like I said earlier, Leon can tell whoever asks that Arthur wants to be left alone. But for us, we can say Merlin wanted to go back to Caerleon for a while—thought Camelot was too boring or he thought he could rebuild the life he had here, but turns out he can’t.” Merlin heard the underlying poison in Gwaine’s voice, it went without question that Gwaine was going to be holding a grudge. “So Merlin’s going back, and we can say Arthur wanted Perce and I to walk Merlin back to Caerleon to make sure nothing happens to him. It’ll explain why we’re not here for a few days.”

At one point in the night, Gwaine left them both to head to the library to grab a map of Camelot and another for Caerleon so they could mark their journey. It was quiet in Arthur’s room until Arthur said, “What did Morgana say about my nightmares?”

Merlin looked up from the paper he was writing on, “She was confused, she couldn’t understand why you were having the nightmares too. That’s why she wants to talk to you in Caerleon, it’s safer there for her and for you to discuss things.”

“What kind of things?” Arthur pressed on, “Does she have any sort of idea?”

He lied, “No.”

They weren’t able to continue on because Gwaine came in, grumbling about how he’s gone to the royal library more in two days than he’d ever in his entire life. That led to Gwaine threatening Merlin with a bread roll to not tell Arthur that he’d read a book, but Merlin told Arthur anyway.

“Geoffrey’s your best friend now then?” Arthur laughed and Merlin was hit on the head by the bread roll. For those few minutes of teasing and laughter, Merlin almost forgot Gwaine was mad at him. It seemed like Gwaine had forgotten too.

They settled down eventually and took a look at the maps, and Merlin said, “When I go back and forth between Caerleon, I usually take this route,” he pointed towards the Darkling Woods, they were generally easier to get through than the forests surrounding the rest of the city, “but because of the festival the Darkling Woods are busier than usual. I think we should go through the thicker forests here to make it harder to trace our steps,” he pointed to the woods west of the castle.

“The Darkling Woods will have more traffic; it will be harder to find our tracks if they do go looking.” Gwaine said, “We have to make it look like we’re not hiding anything; we’re simply walking you back to Caerleon.”

Merlin bit his lip for a minute or so, “Yeah, you’re right.” Gwaine had never looked smugger. “We should take horses,” he went on, “the walk to Caerleon can take up to three days, if we take horses it’ll cut that in half. You, Percival and I will have our own and Arthur will have to share with one of us.”

They worked late into the night, they tried to polish their plan the best they could, while Gwaine continuously attempted to get the reason why they were going to Morgana out of both Merlin and Arthur. Whenever Gwaine brought up the subject, Arthur went tight-lipped while Merlin changed the subject. By the time they finished, the sun was barely peaking up over the city. Merlin went back to his room, even though he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep a wink until they were safe in Caerleon.

Gwaine walked him back to his room before the servants, and Gwen, woke up and began their morning duties. “Kay’s going to be at your door until closer to the lunch. I’ve got to talk to the others about our plans.”

Merlin nodded, “Okay, be careful not to say much.”

Gwaine looked conflicted before saying, “Listen. I’m still mad at you. Beyond mad, actually, furious but I’m doing this because even if I don’t know why Arthur needs to talk to Morgana, I know it’s important. You wouldn’t put this much work into if it wasn’t.” Gwaine let out a tired laugh, “If I find out it’s something important, and you’ve been keeping it from me, I’m going to punch you.”

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh, “I’ll look forward to it.” 

* * *

Merlin was right, he didn’t sleep at all. He went over their plans a million times as he laid in bed, making sure they were making the right choices and if bringing Arthur to Caerleon was what he should do. He wanted Arthur to be safe and to know that whatever Morgana says to him and whatever he says to Morgana is kept secret. He went undisturbed while he did this, he was one of the luckier ones in the citadel. Since he was notorious for sleeping in, his breakfast was brought a bit later than everyone else’s.

He couldn’t stay in bed for long, he had things to do and to prepare. The first he did when he got out of bed, other than change his clothes—another one of his older outfits Gaius found—was write a letter to Morgana. Branwen had returned sometime in the night after delivering Morgana’s letter to the people in Caerleon Castle, and had since been sitting on his window sill.

It was risky to send Morgana a letter, knowing full well that Agravaine could intercept it and ruin their plans, but he did it anyway. He kept it brief, and tried to not give anything away in case the letter did fall into the hands of Agravaine. He picked up his quill and wrote, “ _Dear Morgana, I’ve thought it over, and I’ve decided to head back to Caerleon. Today. I will most likely be there by tomorrow afternoon—evening at the latest. I will see you soon –Merlin_.” He hoped she understood what he meant and that he was bringing Arthur, too.

He opened his window and securely tied the letter to Branwen’s leg. “Take this to Lady Morgana, and _only_ , Lady Morgana.” Branwen pecked at his fingers before she took off. He made sure to watch her carefully as she flew over the city.

A serving girl brought in his breakfast after that, it was a bowl of fruit, some fried ham and a single egg. He didn’t think of much while he ate, mainly what he was going to take from his room in Camelot to Caerleon. As he bit into his last spoonful of fruit, his doors opened and the other knight, Kay, walked in.

“Good morning.” Kay said with a smile. He was quite tall and had curled blond hair going down to his shoulders. He was a bit on the young side but he looked able to keep up with Gwaine or any of the others. “Gwaine told me to come check in on your around this time, to make sure you’re awake.” Merlin thanked him. “He also said that if you wish to go anywhere today before lunch, that I should go with you.”

“That’s fine.” Merlin said, “but I don’t think I will be going anywhere.”

Kay hesitated after that, “Well, actually, there was a young boy that came by earlier. He said that Gaius wanted to speak to you as soon as you were awake, and I told him I’d tell you that.”

“Right, okay.” Merlin put his fork down and stood up. “I’ll go now, then.” He wondered if it had something to do with that topic Gaius found too serious to discuss at the joust.

He left with Kay at his side. The knight kept his hand rested on his sword, almost anticipating that he’d have to use it, and he kept his gaze forward. Merlin wanted to say something in order to get rid of the awkwardness between them. He said, “When were you knighted?”

Kay cleared his throat, “Two years ago.”

“Ah,” Merlin nodded, “that’s why we’ve never met.”

“Yes.” Kay said. “I was a squire when you were the king’s servant, so I knew of you when you were here but we’d never spoken.” Merlin tried to remember seeing a young boy with hair like Kay’s when he was Arthur’s servant but his memory was failing him. “It’s fine if you don’t remember me, like I said, I was a squire. I was no one of importance.”

“I’m sure you were important to Arthur, otherwise you wouldn’t be a knight today.” Merlin he knew this was true. Gwaine had said all of the other knights were knighted by Agravaine, Kay must’ve been important.  

Kay chuckled, “My father would say the same thing if I’d said that to him.”

“Where does your father live? In the city?” Merlin asked him.

“No, my parents live in the kingdom of Gawant. My father, Sir Ector, owns a farm there.”  

“Sir?” Merlin asked, “He’s a lord?”

“Not quite.” Kay laughed slightly, “My mother, Anne, is the cousin of Lord Godwyn, making her a Lady. When my mother married my father, Cousin Godwyn knighted my father and gifted them a farm.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, he had no idea Kay was related to the ruler of Gawant. “I see the blond hair runs in the family,” he said pointing to Kay’s golden locks, they reminded him so much of Princess Elena’s. “Were you close with your cousin?”

“Not very.” Kay said sadly. “Elena was older than me by a few years, and she was a bit odd. I grew up on my parent’s farm, rather than in the hustle and bustle of the castle city. We only ever saw each other during celebrations and festivals.” They turned down the hall towards Gaius’s chambers, “I came to Camelot as a squire when I was a teenager, and it was around that time that Elena began acting more like a… A princess, instead of the bumbling girl she had been. She writes me sometimes though, even though we were never close.”

“I remember Elena being very kind, so it’s not surprising.” Merlin said, remembering when Elena came to Camelot with her father. Though, most of what Merlin remembered was Arthur’s arranged marriage and having to kill Elena’s pixie nurse Grunhilda. They reached Gaius’s door and Merlin sighed, “Can you wait outside?”

Kay hesitated, “G-Gwaine said—”

“Don’t worry about him.” Merlin said before knocking on Gaius’s door before walking in, closing the door behind him.

“Hello?” Aldwyn called out, Merlin stepped in further and saw the young boy up on a ladder by the bookcases. “Oh, M-Merlin.” Aldwyn climbed down the ladder and came towards him. “Can I help you with something?”

“Is Gaius here?” Merlin asked, “Sir Kay told me that Gaius asked to speak to me the moment I woke up.” Aldwyn blinked in confusion. “Or maybe not?”

“No,” Aldwyn shook his head, “he did. Sorry, he left a while ago. A pregnant woman in the city was having abdominal pains and he went to go see what was wrong. He left me here in case someone else came in needing help.”

Merlin slouched slightly, “Oh. Okay. Well, tell him I’ll talk to him when I return.” 

“R-Return?” Aldwyn frowned as he wiped his hands on the apron he wore. “You’re leaving Camelot?”

“Only for a while.” He said, “I was hoping to hear what Gaius had to say but it will have to wait.”

“You could wait for him?” Aldwyn suggested. “Gaius really wanted to talk to you. He said it’s very important.”

“No, I can’t.” Merlin said but he took a step further into the room. “Do you know why it’s important?”

Aldwyn wiped his hands once more on his apron, even though he hadn’t touched anything since the last time. A nervous tick, Merlin assumed. Aldwyn made a noise in the back of his throat before he went into Merlin’s old room and Merlin could hear him fussing about inside. He came out a second later, holding a slim box in his hands. “I think it’s something to do with this.”

He handed the box to Merlin and Merlin took it carefully. It was a wooden box; one Merlin had never seen before. He saw a single golden latch on the side and he opened it slowly. The inside was a dark velvet material, and in the center was a necklace. It was nothing extraordinary, it had a simple chain and a pendant. The pendant was circular and in the center was a triangular design.

“Gaius told me to never touch it or wear it. It was in your room, so I assume it’s yours.” Aldwyn said, looking over into the box.

“It’s not.” Merlin felt enticed by the necklace and he felt the cool metal with his finger tips. There was something so familiar about it. “I’ve never seen it before in my life.”

“Oh.”

“Here,” Merlin shut the box, “you should go put it back where you found it.” Aldwyn took the box and disappeared back into his old room. “Please tell Gaius I’ll be back soon.”

Aldwyn came out of the room looking unsatisfied with that but said, “I will.” Merlin turned to leave but Aldwyn stopped him with the call of his name. He turned back and Aldwyn said, “I-I just wanted to thank you for what you did for that man at the joust. He’s better now, Gaius said what you did saved his life.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Merlin smiled, “it was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing. I-I had been so afraid and you were so calm, you knew exactly what to look for. And then when Nicholas was choking, you took control… You’re amazing, Merlin.” Aldwyn said in awe. “Truly.” 

Merlin felt bashful, “Thank you, Aldwyn.”

“You’re most welcome.” Aldwyn grinned greatly.

Merlin turned and left, Kay still stood outside the door waiting patiently. Merlin nodded at him and Kay joined him as he walked away. “Was Gaius not there? You weren’t in there for long.”

“I just missed him.” Merlin said and they headed back to his room so he could finish collecting his things.

The moment he stepped foot into his room he spotted Branwen sitting on his window sill with a letter tied to her leg. He mumbled something to Kay about standing out in the hall and he shut the doors. He went to the windows and let her fly in. He quickly untied the letter from his leg, and he knew that it wasn’t his.

The letter read: _Merlin, I will await your return to Caerleon anxiously. Do be safe on your journey, it will be treacherous. Try to reach me when you can. I’ll be listening. –Morgana_.

This was written by Morgana and Morgana alone. There was no way Agravaine could have forged this. He knew Morgana’s style of writing and he knew that Agravaine could never write ‘I’ll be listening’. He let out a sigh in relief and he packed the letter away in his bag. The bag had a few of his old outfits placed inside, along with the older letters to Morgana—he didn’t want anyone finding them if they poked around the room while he’s gone.

He looked to his open window and knew it was mid-morning, the lunch would be held soon and he was running out of time. At about this time, Arthur would be at the archery event with Agravaine and the other nobles. Leon was most likely there with Arthur, whereas Gwaine was probably speaking to Percival and Elyan. If he wasn’t careful, he’d run out of time and ruin everything they’d planned.

Branwen remained in his room while he finished preparing. He talked to her every so often, random things mostly, while feeding her leftovers from his breakfast. His brain was going a mile a minute. He wanted to know why Gaius was keeping that necklace in his room and why it was so familiar to him. He knew for a fact he’d never seen it before in his life, but somehow he felt a sort of attachment to it. Why was it so important that Gaius had to talk to him the moment he woke up?

He shook his head; he was letting his nerves get the best of him. It was the margin of error that was taunting him. If any of them messed up, if Arthur fell and hurt himself, if they were _attacked_ … He’d try his best to not let any of that happen but he was afraid. At one point, he was particularly nervous, he unpacked and packed his bag again and Branwen seemed to notice. She hummed in her throat before tilting her head to the side to look at him. “Sorry, I-I—” He stopped and shook his head. There was no use in explaining himself to a bird.

Eventually he found himself sitting at his table waiting for the minutes to move faster. He’d already sent Branwen away, she’d be there long enough and he thought it’d be safer for her to start flying to Caerleon, and he’d meet her there. Kay popped in a while ago to tell him the lunch had began, and now he waited. The same serving girl from breakfast came in soon after Kay with Merlin’s lunch, it was a few pieces of bread and some of the leftover ham from breakfast. He ate only a little, his stomach was in knots.

After twenty minutes or so, he was about to brave a bite of the ham when he was interrupted by Kay once again came in to say the lunch was over but he was cut off by Gwaine storming in saying, “Give us some privacy.” Kay winced from the seriousness in Gwaine’s voice but left. Before Merlin had a chance to ask Gwaine said, “There’s a problem.”

Merlin felt dread wash over him, “What is it?”

Gwaine walked further into the room and said, “Agravaine told Arthur he wanted to talk to him after the lunch. Arthur tried to get out of it by saying they could talk during the tournament but Agravaine insisted.”

“Where’s Arthur now?” Merlin asked.

“The dining hall. They’re the only two in there.” Gwaine said. “Leon said he doesn’t think they’ll be in there for long.”

Merlin groaned, this was meddling with their plans. They only had so much time, the seconds were wasting away as Arthur spoke to his uncle in the hall. “What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know.” Gwaine rubbed his face in frustration, “Everything was going right. I talked to Percival and Elyan, planned Arthur’s cover with Leon, I packed our things onto the horses, I’ve even paid a stable boy to keep quiet about all this. Fucking kid was afraid of me, I don’t know why all the boys here are scared of me.”

“They’re intimidated by you because you’re handsome.” Merlin said and he knew that was the truth. He saw the way Aldwyn stuttered over his words and his cheeks blushed, it didn’t help that Gwaine was constantly flirting with them—albeit unintentionally.  

Gwaine smirked, “You think I’m handsome?”

“That’s not the point,” Merlin laughed. “What are we going to do if Agravaine keeps Arthur in there too long?”

Gwaine shrugged, “No idea. Hope for the best, I guess. For now, we’ve got to wait.” Merlin sighed but there was nothing he could do. Gwaine went out of the room for a moment to tell Kay that he should inform them when he sees Leon and Arthur pass by. When Gwaine returned he said, “When I told Percival and the others about what we’re doing, they had a lot of questions.”

“What did you tell them?”

“Nothing.” Gwaine came over to the table and sat down. “I told them this is what Arthur wanted and they agreed to do it. They still asked though, but I told them I couldn’t say anything. I wanted to because I know they’ll understand just as well as I have. And I know the bare minimum. Still have no bloody idea why we’re even going to Caerleon, and I can’t ask because you won’t tell me anything.”

“I can’t.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Gwaine waved his hand tiredly. “But why?”

“I really can’t say.”

 “I knew you were going to say that. Can’t blame me for trying though,” Gwaine leaned back, “Can you promise me it’s going to be safe for him? Morgana isn’t exactly the most trust-worthy person.”

Merlin never answered. He would be fighting this argument all day if Gwaine made him. They sat in his room for ten minutes, each time Merlin heard footsteps pass his room he expected Kay to come in and tell them it had been Arthur. Each time it wasn’t. The waiting game always made him uncomfortable, it’s probably why he hated not hearing from Morgana. He liked to know what was happening, _when_ it was happening.

Just when Gwaine was about to voice his own discomfort, Kay came in without announcing himself, “Sir Leon and King Arthur just passed.”

Gwaine stood up, “Let’s go. Grab your things.” Merlin grabbed his bag and they left his room together. Kay followed them down the hall as they headed towards Arthur’s room, Merlin heard him ask Gwaine what was going on and Gwaine said, “Nothing to worry about.”

Leon was standing outside Arthur’s room and the second he saw Merlin, he poked his head inside but didn’t go in. When Merlin was close enough, Leon said, “He’s changing into more comfortable clothes.” Merlin supposed Leon thought he would wait outside, but Merlin didn’t care if Arthur was half-naked, it was nothing he hadn’t seen before.

Arthur had his shirt off when Merlin entered, he was standing by his wardrobe looking puzzled. Arthur glanced over his shoulder, “I’m sorry about that. I tried to get away but he was quite adamant.”

“What did he want?” Merlin asked him.

“To tell me he’s proud of me.” Arthur said slowly, as if trying to understand it himself. “He sat me down and apologised for how he reacted at the joust. He didn’t mean to say what he did about my father, and that I was a good king. He said my father would be proud of the king I was and that he was proud too.”

Merlin furrowed his brow, “That’s… Strange.”

“Very.” Arthur said and he looked back to his wardrobe. Arthur reached out and grabbed a red tunic, Merlin sighed and crossed the room. He took the tunic out of Arthur’s hands. He threw it back into the wardrobe, took out a navy blue one instead, “Red is too distinguishable on you.”

“Thank you.” Arthur said after Merlin handed it to him and he slipped it on.

Gwaine came in next, “Leon’s going to stay out to keep watch. Merlin, you should cast the spell now while we’ve got the chance.”

Arthur reached for a cloak and Merlin stopped him, “No. Not when you’re not used to the spell.”

“What’s a cloak have to do with the spell?” Gwaine asked, biting his nails.

“If you’re invisible, you’ve got to be aware of everything going on around you. If you wear that cloak, and someone steps on it, you’ll be discovered. No cloaks.” Merlin pulled on Arthur’s arm and brought him near the center of the room, where Gwaine was. “Are you ready for this?” Merlin asked, he wanted to make sure this is what Arthur wanted.

“I need to see Morgana.” Arthur said and there was no room for argument.

Merlin took in a deep breath. He spared a glance over in Gwaine’s direction before placing a hand onto Arthur’s chest. He closed his eyes for a brief moment before opening them and casting the spell. He chose the one Morgana had used, it was powerful and would keep Arthur safe for the time needed. He felt his magic move through his body to the tips of his fingers. In seconds, Arthur vanished before his and Gwaine’s eyes. His hand remained on Arthur’s chest, he could feel each breath Arthur took and yet he couldn’t see the king. “Arthur?” He called out. He felt Arthur’s hand reach up and his fingers encircled Merlin’s wrist. The touch was grounding; Merlin could hear Arthur’s unspoken words _I’m here._ “You okay?” Arthur kept his fingers around Merlin’s wrist and every worry Merlin had washed away.

“Yeah.”

“Alright,” Gwaine clapped his hands, “Arthur, hold onto my arm so we don’t lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“I know, but to be careful.” Gwaine said. Merlin felt Arthur’s grip around his wrist loosen until his hand was gone, and his hand fell from where it had been on Arthur’s chest. A moment later, Merlin saw Gwaine’s arm shift from Arthur grabbing it. “Merlin, you’ve got your things?” Merlin nodded. “Alright. Let’s go.”

They left Arthur’s room and bid farewell to Leon, who was looking quite anxious. Gwaine patted him on the shoulder with his free arm and said, “We’ll see you soon.”

Merlin walked beside Gwaine, with Arthur in between them, and they went down the hall. Kay trailed behind them, he was to fill in for Percival when they left, Gwaine made sure to keep Kay at a distance. They passed by several servants in the hall, and each time Gwaine would pull Arthur in front of Merlin and it looked like Gwaine was getting too friendly with Merlin in the hall. In reality, Arthur was being pushed up against Merlin and each time Merlin could hear Arthur trying to stifle a laugh.

The last straw was when Gwaine pushed Arthur into Merlin, resulting in Merlin crashing into the windows. Gwaine had his arms awkwardly around Arthur and pretended to point out the window, “Isn’t that a lovely bird up there, Merlin?”

“You’re an ass.” Merlin groaned. Arthur was pressed up against Merlin and Merlin could feel his soft laughter against his cheek. “No one’s even looking at us.”

“I know.” Gwaine moved back and pulled Arthur with him. “This is payback.”

“For what?”

“For making me read a book.” Gwaine winked.

“You wanted to—” They turned a corner and Gwaine walked face first into a serving girl carrying a basket of fruit.

“I’m so sorry, m’lord!” The girl, or rather, young woman cried out. She ducked to the ground to begin picking up the fallen fruit. Gwaine cleared his throat, and Merlin knew that if it were any other day, Gwaine would help her and manage to make her fall in love with him but today Gwaine kept on.

Merlin watched Gwaine go ahead of him before bending down to pick up an apple that had landed near his foot, “Here.”

The woman didn’t lift her head but said, “Thank you, m’lord.”

“I’m not a lord.” He picked up another apple for her, “I’m Merlin.”

“Yes,” she laughed nervously, “I know who you are.” She had soft blonde hair with brown in her roots done up in braids and she wore a similar dress to Isabelle’s. He was about to ask her for her name but he stopped, he recognised her. She was the servant who had been arguing with Gwen two days ago to have Arthur join Agravaine and the others for lunch. The woman finally looked up at him and said, “I’m Ana.”

“Merlin?” It was Kay, “We should go.”

“Right,” Merlin stood up and she did as well.

“It was nice to meet you, Merlin.” She smiled.

“It… It was.” Merlin said slowly before Kay and him left down the hall.

Gwaine and Arthur were far ahead of them now. “I’ve never seen her before.” Kay whispered to him. Merlin looked behind him and saw Ana watching them from down the hall as they walked away.

Eventually they made their way out of the castle and Merlin spotted Gwaine speaking to Percival. A stable boy—probably the one Gwaine paid off—was nearby ensuring the horses were prepared for their journey. He and Kay walked down the steps and joined the two (well, three) men.

“You finished flirting with that serving girl?” Gwaine asked, smirking.

“I wasn’t flirting with her. I was being nice and helping her pick up the fruit she’d dropped.” Merlin shrugged off his bag and looked towards the horses, “Which is mine?”

“The white one.” Gwaine pointed to the white mare the stable boy was brushing. “We’ll leave in a few minutes, so get yourself ready.” Merlin went over towards the white horse and attached his bag to its saddle. Merlin looked back at Gwaine and Percival, Percival had gone off to speak Kay about something while Gwaine nodded along to something nobody had said. He saw the slightest movement around Gwaine’s upper arm, Gwaine shifted to accommodate it and he nodded again.

“The horse is all ready, my lord.” The stable boy said to him and took his attention from Gwaine. 

“Thank you.” Merlin smiled politely, he decided it was not worth telling him that he wasn’t a lord. “What’s her name?” The stable boy ignored him and moved onto Gwaine’s horse, a grey mare. He slipped his foot into the stirrup and climbed on. The horse whined and moved forward, “Calm down,” he stroked its mane until it relaxed, “there we go. It’s all right.” The horse slowly warmed up to him and calmed down completely.

“I’m not fat!” Merlin heard Percival yell.

Gwaine was laughing and tightening the ties on Percival’s saddle, “The horse thinks you are.” The horse was shaking its head and whinnying even more than Merlin’s had been. It was confused about the extra weight on its back that it couldn’t see.

“The horse is wrong.” Percival spurred his horse along and started off.

Before Gwaine went and got on his own horse he said, “It’s going to be safe for him, isn’t it? We’re not making a huge mistake doing this?”

“He’ll be safe.” Merlin said earnestly, “I promise you. He won’t get hurt. I’ll keep him safe.” Gwaine was sated with his answer and mounted his horse. Merlin gulped and spurred his own horse, together they rode out of the courtyard. They kept at a trot, and had Percival ride on ahead. Kay was following behind them on foot, completely blind to what was going on. 

Leaving Camelot was a blur to Merlin. He vaguely remembered that it didn’t take long for them to reach the gates, where Elyan was, and that the man’s bottom lip was bitten raw from his nerves. Elyan let them pass after a minute or so of talking, Gwaine told him: “We’ll be back in a few days.” Elyan wished them a safe journey and they finally left the city through the gates. His hands were tight around his horse’s reins, there was nothing in the world that could have calmed him down. “All right,” Gwaine said once they were a good enough distance from the gates, “we’re not stopping until we’re well past the Darkling Woods. Is that fine with you?”

There was a pause, and the silence was filled by the sounds of their horses’ hooves hitting the grassy earth, “Yes.” Arthur finally replied from Percival’s horse.

The journey to Caerleon had begun.

* * *

They stuck to Gwaine’s orders and rode at a steady pace until the Darkling Woods were a long way away. Merlin hoped they stopped soon, if not to lift the spell on Arthur, then to stretch his legs. His legs were beginning to cramp up and his back was getting sore. It wasn’t often that he rode a horse, let alone ride it for hours on end. He could tell his horse was getting restless too, she’d slowed her gallop a bit.

“Gwaine?” he slowed his horse down and looked behind him. Gwaine had been riding from the back to keep an eye on things, “We should stop to give the horses a rest.”

Gwaine was contemplative for a moment before shouting back, “You’re right.”

They rode into a thick cluster of trees for seclusion and they finally took their break. Merlin jumped down from his horse and let out a moan of relief, “I’ve been wanting to stretch my legs for miles now.”

“We shouldn’t stay here for long, the sun’s already starting to set.” Gwaine said, and Merlin looked at the sky. The sky, from what he could see through the thick branches, was turning a soft orange and the light was fading slowly from the forest, “We’ll give the horses some water and you can lift the spell, but we should keep going.” Gwaine grabbed a bucket from his bowl and emptied a water canteen into it. The grey mare Gwaine had been riding drank it greedily, “Easy there, girl, don’t drink too fast.”

There was the soft sound of someone landing on the ground, “Can you lift the spell now?” Arthur asked him.

“I should survey the area first,” Percival said as he climbed down, “we ought to be careful.”

“Right.” Arthur said, “I should have thought of that myself.”

Merlin glanced around the forest before he grabbed his own empty pale. He filled it up with an extra water canteen he had, he poured it into the pale and offered it to his horse. The horse, a female he noticed, drank as eagerly as Gwaine’s had.

“She’s a beautiful horse,” Arthur said, suddenly a lot closer than he had been moments ago.

“She is. I wish I knew her name, but the stable boy ignored me when I asked.” Merlin stroked her snout gently. There was a beat of silence before Merlin said, “How has it been?” He asked referring to Arthur’s invisibility. 

“Not terrible.” Arthur chuckled, “There is one part of it I wish I could do without.”

“What’s that?”

“Whenever you look at me, you’re not _really_ seeing me.” Arthur said this softly so Gwaine, who had moved closer to them to give Percival’s horse some water, couldn’t hear.

Gwaine chose that moment to start talking to them both about the rest of their journey. He told them he thought they should ride for a few more hours, or just until the sun goes down completely. Arthur moved away from Merlin after that, and Merlin hurried to empty the pale of water now that his horse had had enough.

Percival returned to them a few minutes later to tell them the area was clear. “Okay Merlin, cast the spell so we can get going.” Gwaine said as he reached into a bag on his horse’s saddle to pull out a black cloak for Arthur to wear. Gwaine and Percival had both taken off their Knights capes to draw less attention to them if someone were to see them—they had to make themselves as inconspicuous as possible.

“Arthur?” Merlin called out and without saying anything, Arthur grabbed his hand and placed the palm of Merlin’s hand over his chest. Arthur kept his hands over Merlin’s, his hands were cold from the evening air but Merlin felt his entire body heat up from the touch. He cast out the spell, letting the words fall from his tongue as his magic raised up out of every pore in his body. He felt his magic completely overwhelm him. He closed his eyes and tried to keep it at bay but with each second it in intensified tenfold. He sucked in a breath and it finally subsided, but it left him with confusion. He’d never felt his magic do that before.

When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Arthur looking back at him with wonderment. Had Arthur felt that? He must have. They shared eye contact for what seemed like an eternity before the moment was broken by Gwaine clearing his throat, “We should get going.” Merlin took his eyes away from Arthur to see Gwaine had already mounted his horse and that Percival had done the same.

Merlin pulled his hand from Arthur’s chest and went to his own horse. Arthur, who was now visible, joined Percival on their horse—which was a dark brown stallion. Gwaine handed Arthur the cloak before Arthur mounted his horse and Arthur was swallowed by the darkness of the cloak.

As they rode from their secluded spot within the trees, Merlin tried to wrap his head around what had happened. He’d never, in his whole life, felt his magic so… So potent. He’d felt devoured by it. He could still feel it lingering within him, his fingertips were tingling and he felt the need to cast again. In fact, he yearned to—his body ached to return to that state.

* * *

The foursome rode on until the sun was long gone from the sky, and the twilight washed over the land. The cool night air was blowing across the grassy clearing they rode across, chilling Merlin’s already cold skin. Gwaine had said a few miles back that they would stop for the night once they reached the forests past the clearing. Merlin was looking forward to being able to rest without the dread of getting back on his horse. They’d only stopped once after he’d lifted the spell on Arthur, and that was because Gwaine said: “I have to piss so bad, my bladder is the size of the moon.” 

Once they’d entered the forest, they slowed down to a gentle trot, giving their horses some much needed relief. They were about half a day from Caerleon now, if Merlin’s predictions were correct. They’d set up camp for the night and leave at first light, they’ll probably get to Caerleon in the afternoon if they go at a good pace.

Percival went and scouted around the area to make sure there it was safe for them to stay. Gwaine volunteered to collect the firewood, while Arthur offered to set up their camp. Merlin was left, unfortunately, to make their dinner. It reminded him of the old days when he joined them on a scouting mission or a hunt.

Gwaine had packed them some stew he had nabbed from the kitchens and all Merlin had to was heat it up. He couldn’t do much until Gwaine returned from collecting firewood, so he sat down on the forest floor and sighed.

“Tired?” Arthur asked him as he unpacked a bag from Percival’s saddle.

“Aren’t you?” Merlin said with an eyebrow raised. Arthur shrugged and placed the bag down on the ground. “Here,” Merlin stood up and joined him, “I’ll help.”

“I’ve got it handled.” Arthur said pushing Merlin away, “You’re tired. Go and sit.”

“Arthur—”

“You know I’m not completely useless, right?” Arthur said tiredly, “You’re all acting as if I can’t handle myself. I can. Quite well, actually. And I want to do this while you rest.” Merlin opened his mouth to argue but Arthur shushed him, “That’s an order, Merlin.”

Merlin felt heat rush to his cheeks and he went to sit where Gwaine would be putting the fire. He rested back on his arms and shut his eyes, he listened quietly to the woods around them. He could hear Gwaine meandering about collecting dead-fall, and he listened to Arthur unwrap each bedroll. Merlin found himself dozing off but was jolted awake by Gwaine kicking his leg lightly, “I thought you were making dinner.”

“I can’t do anything without a fire.”

Gwaine dropped the pile of wood he had been carrying onto the ground a foot away from where Merlin was sitting, “Excuses, excuses.” Gwaine teasingly wagged his finger.

Gwaine stepped away to grab the flint from one of his bags and Merlin took the opportunity to light the fire himself. His magic was still buzzing inside of him, begging to be used again and this was the perfect excuse, “ _Forbearnan_.” The wood in front of him burst into flames, startling the knight.

“Fuck, tell someone before you’re going to light something on fire. You scared the piss out of me.” Gwaine hissed at him. Merlin rolled his eyes and set up the pot so it could heat up and they’d have a hot dinner. Gwaine helped Arthur tie up Merlin and Percival’s horses to the trees around them. Gwaine put his hands on his hips and said, “I’m going to go look for Perce, he’s been gone too long.”

He disappeared into the darkness of the forest, leaving Arthur and Merlin alone once more. He kept his eyes firmly on the pot, intently watching the stew grow to a simmer. He was about to reach for a spoon to stir it with when Arthur broke the silence, “Earlier… When you lifted the spell on me. It felt different than it had when you first cast it.”

Merlin exhaled, “I know.”

“You felt it too, then?”

“Yeah.”

“It was, uh,” Arthur sniffed, “it felt good.”

“Yeah, it did.” _Really good_.

“I’ve found Percival!” Gwaine’s voice echoed through the woods. The night had enveloped the forest they were in in darkness, Merlin could barely make out their faces before they came close to the fire. “He was stargazing.”

“I wasn’t,” Percival groaned, “I thought I saw something in the sky and I was trying to figure out what it was.”

“The moon?” Gwaine offered and Percival sent him a dirty glare. Gwaine plopped down on the bedroll across the fire from Merlin, “When are we eating? I’m starved.” None of them had eaten since their respective lunches back in Camelot.

“Now, if you want. The stew is probably warmed up. If it’s not, I can finish heating it up.” Gwaine shot that suggestion down quickly, saying he didn’t want Merlin accidentally lighting him on fire.

The dinner wasn’t anything special. The stew was a mixture of venison and vegetables, it was thick and warm, and it satisfied Merlin and the others hunger. Merlin knew that the dinner he was supposed to have had with Gwen the very same night would have been far better. Guilt washed over him but he tried not to think too hard about it. He’d make it up to her when they returned.

Throughout the dinner, Gwaine spoke the most, to no one’s surprise, he told story after story making Merlin wonder how Gwaine had enough stories to last him twenty lifetimes. He told stories of the newer knights, Kay and a younger fellow named Galahad – who Merlin had yet to meet. Galahad was the youngest knight, beating both Kay and Mark (who Gwaine begrudgingly mentioned). Gwaine said Galahad could solve any dilemma faster than you could spell his name, to which Percival said: “Good thing you can’t spell. Galahad will have an eternity to solve a problem.”

“If I can read a book, I can bloody spell Galahad’s name.” Gwaine flicked a spoonful of stew at him. Gwaine went on to spell it correctly and as a reward for himself—he scooped up another serving of stew. “’old you I could spell.” Gwaine said with his mouth full.

“Galahad is the son of one of my father’s friends,” Arthur whispered to Merlin as Gwaine and Percival continued to bicker, “he’s a bit on the younger side and would still be a squire if my father was alive.”

“Why did you knight him so young?” Merlin wondered out loud.

Arthur was sitting next to him on his bedroll, he had finished his bowl of stew and had placed it on the dirt in front of them. He crossed his legs and leaned back behind him relaxing, “I had to.”

“Had to?” Merlin said after a spoonful of stew, “What do you mean?”

Arthur looked at him confused, “You’ve met the other knights, haven’t you?”

Merlin furrowed his brow but Gwaine spoke before he had a chance to. “Arthur did you know Merlin can talk to dragons?”

“He’s a Dragonlord.” Arthur said, “Of course he can.”

Gwaine pouted, “He told you?”

“He mentioned it, yes.”

Merlin could remember one instance where he’d said he was a Dragonlord to Arthur. It was in Arthur’s room when he was telling Arthur about their enemy, and how strong they were in comparison to him and Morgana.

_“Which is saying something, because she is the last High Priestess and I am the last Dragonlord.”_

He’d never gone into detail what being a Dragonlord was, but Arthur did know. Arthur had been with him when they met Balinor all those years ago in order to save Camelot from being destroyed by the Great Dragon. Arthur knew that Balinor had been the last Dragonlord that they knew of, but he wondered if Arthur had put two and two together.

After dinner, Percival announced he’d be taking first watch and that they should sleep while they can. Merlin settled himself down comfortably and stared up at the star scattered sky. He was tired, exhausted even, but he wasn’t going to sleep. He wasn’t going to risk putting his guard down when they’re still in Camelot. If they were in Caerleon, it’d be a different story, but they had yet to cross the border. There was still the possibly Arthur could be found, however it was highly unlikely. Gwaine had decided that Arthur should wear the cloak into the night, even while he’s sleeping, in case they had to leave at a moments notice.

Both Gwaine and Arthur were laying down now on their own bedrolls now. Gwaine and Percival were talking softly to one another before Gwaine bid him goodnight. Percival went over to where he’d set up the watch by the base of two trees. He sat down with his back towards them with his sword drawn and resting on his lap.

Merlin rolled over on his side to face the fire, he could see Gwaine resting on his stomach with his head turned the other way trying to catch some sleep before Percival woke him to switch shifts. Arthur was already well on his way to being asleep, Merlin titled his head up and saw that he’d pulled the hood of the cloak over his eyes and his body had already relaxed.

Merlin spent his time awake thinking about what Arthur had said about Agravaine’s knights. The way his face flooded with confusion when he said, _“You’ve met the other knights, haven’t you?”_ Merlin was confronted by several questions all at once: Did Arthur know that Gwaine and the others found the knights dangerous? Did Arthur think they were dangerous himself? Did Arthur know _why_ they were dangerous?

Eventually Merlin shut his eyes, the sounds of the fire crackling only a meter away and the rustling of the trees from the cool spring—almost summer—breeze was soothing. He succumbed to the need for sleep and dozed off for quite some time.

When he woke, it was to voices. He cracked open an eye and saw it was still night, he’d since rolled over onto his back and was looking up at the sky. The voices he heard were coming from Gwaine and Percival, presumably switching places. When he rolled over back towards the fire, he saw Gwaine standing by his bedroll with Percival in front of him. Gwaine had his hands on Percival’s hips and he couldn’t exactly make out what he was saying but it sounded like, “Come here.” And in Percival’s reply, Merlin heard his and Arthur’s names. Gwaine shrugged and said, “They’re asleep.” Percival looked over towards them – Arthur was still sound asleep and Merlin shut his own eyes and pretended to be doing the same. He stayed that way until he heard the pair move from where they’d been standing to sit by the two trees. They were seated side by side, with no space between them. Merlin couldn’t hear their voices over the steady fire and the crickets chirping around them.

He watched them for a while. They did nothing but talk, and every once a while – laugh. Gwaine and Percival had always been close. When Percival arrived in Camelot with Lancelot, something had clicked between him and Gwaine and they’d been friends ever since. Most of their friendship consisted of Gwaine being an idiot and Percival calling him out on it—but there were moments like these, Merlin noticed, where they opened themselves up to each other. He only looked away when he saw Gwaine slowly rest his head upon Percival’s shoulder, he knew it to be a private moment he wasn’t supposed to be observing.

Merlin shifted again and laid on his stomach, his attention drifted to Arthur sleeping near him. The king was calm and in a deep sleep. His arm was rested across his stomach and the other was up around his head. He was so close to Merlin, that Merlin could reach out barely a foot and hold his hand. Merlin wasn’t going to do that of course, but it was a thought. In the past, Merlin enjoyed watching Arthur sleep. He had loved to see Arthur so vulnerable, and so relaxed, with no worrying about any policies or laws. Arthur was Arthur in his truest form.

But then, Arthur frowned. He shifted slightly uncomfortably and let out a low groan. Merlin raised his head up slightly, watching him even closer now. Arthur’s mouth fell open and he hissed in pain. The hand on his chest clenched, gripping the blanket he had over him tightly. Merlin was in utter confusion before it dawned on him.

Arthur was having a nightmare.

He scooted further up his bedroll and reached out—looking to Gwaine and Percival before hand to see they were still in their own little world. He placed his hand over Arthur’s chest and shook him lightly, “Arthur,” he whispered into the night, “wake up.” He could feel that with each word he said, Arthur’s breathing sped up. “Arthur,” he shook again, raising his voice only a fraction to not attract attention from the pair by the trees. Merlin could only imagine what terrifying image Arthur’s mind had come up with. The only thing he could do was wake him, “Arthur, wake up. It’s all a dream: you’re okay, Camelot’s okay, I’m okay.”  

Arthur’s eyes burst open and he gasped loudly. His chest was heaving rapidly and he grabbed Merlin’s hand on his chest, squeezing it hard. Merlin tried not to let the pain bother him, Arthur needed this.

“Merlin?” Arthur called out for him.

Merlin used his other hand to pet Arthur’s hair in an attempt to calm him further. “I’m right here.” This continued for quite some time. He pet Arthur’s hair while whispering to him, reassuring him that it had been a nightmare and there was nothing wrong. 

Slowly but surely, Arthur’s breathing slowed down and his grip lessened on Merlin’s hand. The first thing Arthur said was, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise,” Merlin murmured, “I get them too.”

Arthur let out a shuddering breath, “What do you do?”

“Hmm?” Merlin threaded his fingers through Arthur’s hair, something he hadn’t realised he missed doing.

“To calm yourself,” Arthur clarified, “after the nightmares.” 

“I think of something I love. Something or somewhere calming.”

“The river?”

Merlin sucked in a breath, “Y-Yeah… I think of that.” He stopped his motions but kept his fingers resting in Arthur’s hair. “Why don’t you think of the forests, the ones you used to run in when you were younger?”

“No.” Arthur’s eyes fluttered shut, “I’ll think of the river.” That river meant so much to him, and to his and Arthur’s past. There was a great amount of emotion that went along with it and Merlin’s heart was beating at a dangerous pace at the mere mention. “I went there,” Arthur confessed, “a few days before you came back.” Gwen did say that Arthur disappeared for a few hours without telling anyone and returned on his own—he went to the river. “I sat there for a few hours. I didn’t… I didn’t want to go back.”

“To Camelot?”

“Yeah.” Arthur looked at him, through the darkness of the night, his blue eyes were just as vibrant as they were in the day. “I almost left without saying goodbye to anyone. But then I did.”

Merlin breathed in, “What made you come back?”

“Longing.” Arthur replied. “I was longing for something.”  

Merlin felt emotion hang heavy in the air. He glanced to Arthur’s lips for the slightest of moments but stopped himself. He couldn’t do that. He had to remind himself this wasn’t three years ago. While he wanted to go back to that time, he had to keep himself focussed. It was like Morgana said, _“The entire world relies on you being level headed. Falling into old habits with Arthur will only result in death.”_

* * *

Merlin never fell back asleep after that. He laid awake for hours on end, and when the light returned back into the sky he got up. Gwaine was the one on watch, but they said nothing to each other. Merlin deemed it too early to say anything to him—Gwaine seemed to feel the same. By the time Percival and Arthur woke, Merlin had already tied his bedroll to his horse’s saddle, along with his bag, and had fed each of the horses. Gwaine heated up some of the stew from the night before to eat for breakfast and they all ate in silence.  

“I’m going to take a walk to make sure it’s safe to leave,” Percival said once he’d finished up his food. Gwaine went with him using the excuse he wanted to stretch his legs before they started on their horses for the day. Merlin wondered if their talk last night had anything to do with Gwaine’s eagerness to be alone.

Merlin and Arthur were left on their own to finish cleaning up and packing away their things. Arthur rolled his, Gwaine and Percival’s bedrolls and tied them to the horses. It was then that Arthur said, “Thank you for last night.”

“It was nothing.” Merlin extinguished the fire with a bucket of water.

“It was _something_.” Arthur said sternly. “It was.”

“Okay.” Merlin hoped Arthur would drop this, he was barely keeping himself together.

“Merlin,” Merlin ignored him and went to his horse to put the bucket away, “look at me.” He didn’t. In two swift steps, Arthur was grabbing Merlin by the shoulders and twisting him around to face him, “Look. At. Me.” Arthur had forgone wearing the cloak this morning and his hair was still mused from sleeping. His cheeks were slightly blushed and his lips looked red and bitten. “Why are you avoiding this?”

“I’m not avoiding anything.” He argued.

“Merlin,” Arthur hissed out his name, “you’re doing that thing again where you pretend nothing’s happened and it’s _infuriating_. Because you make me feel something and I know you’ve felt it too, but you go ahead and act as if it doesn’t matter.”

“I-I’m really not.” 

“Yes you are!” Arthur yelled, “I know you, Merlin! I know you’re afraid of letting your guard down because you don’t know what will happen if you do. And I am going to be honest with you, I am afraid too. The world is so different than it was three years ago, we’re not the same people we were… But my feelings are the same as they always were.” Merlin gulped heavily. “Since you’ve returned, I can’t take my mind off you. You are constantly there, flitting about with Gwaine, and I can’t focus. You’re distracting me even when you’re not around. When you’re in your room and I’m in mine, all I can think about is what you’re doing. If you’re laughing, if you’re tired. It’s so overwhelming I can’t breathe.” Merlin lost all ability to function and Arthur wasn’t even looking at him anymore; his eyes were fixed downward at their feet. “And I _know_ , you can’t breathe either.” Merlin absently heard a twig snap behind them. And another. If it were Gwaine or Percival, they would’ve announced themselves—or Merlin would have heard them.

“Arthur, shut up.” Merlin said under his breath.

“What?” Arthur had hurt written all over him.

“I said shut up.” He turned his head slightly to try and get a look behind them without completely turning around.

“Don’t do this, Merlin.” Arthur was oblivious. “Don’t avoid this.”

“Seriously, shut up.” He snapped, he heard another twig and in the corner of his eye a body not belonging to Gwaine or Percival. He put his hand on Arthur so fast he almost knocked the wind out of him and cast the spell, vanishing him. He turned and said, “Can I help you?”

There stood a man covered in dirt and grime, his hair was matted upon his head and he carried a rusty sword. “’ho are you?” The man asked him, pointing the sword at Merlin.

“I don’t need to tell you that.” He cocked his hip to the side, “Leave me.”

“’ou was talkin’ to someb’dy, I heard ya.” The man said, “A man. Where is ‘e?”

“I was talking to myself,” Merlin lied, “I do that sometimes.”

The man started at him skeptically and took a long look at the three horses and supplies, “What ya got all this for?” The man pointed towards it all. “’ou don’t need all this.” He began walking towards Merlin’s horse, the closest to him. “Pretty girl, ya got ‘ere. Don’t need ‘er, ya’ve only got yerself.” 

“I have two knights with me.” Merlin stated, “They’ve gone off but they’ll be back soon.”

The man shook his head, “Yer lying. Give me one of ‘em.”

“Don’t you see all the supplies? I’m not alone.” Merlin wished as hard as he could that Gwaine and Percival would show up.

“Come ‘ere.” The man motioned for Merlin to approach him. Merlin took a step but was pulled back by Arthur grabbing his arm. The man noticed his struggle and said, “’hat’s that then?”

“Nothing.” Merlin said.

“Ya stopped.” The man came towards him and Arthur. “Yer hiding somethin’.” 

“I’m not?” Merlin discreetly tugged on his arm to free himself. “You need to leave before the knights return.”

“’m not leavin’ ‘til you give me one of yer horses.” The man was now only a few feet away from him.

“They will kill you.” Merlin finally broke his arm out of Arthur’s grasp.

The man raised his dirty eyebrow, “Yer threatenin’ me you little fuck?” The man adjusted his hold on his sword. “’m gonna kill ya and take yer horses.”

“Do it, then.” Merlin folded his arms across his chest.

The man charged at him with his sword raised and Merlin readied himself to blow the man back with a spell, but he never had a chance. He heard the distinct sound of a sword being drawn behind him before the man’s sword was stopped in mid-swing by another sword—one the man couldn’t see. The man staggered backwards, startled by the unseen object separating him from Merlin.

“What?” Merlin said, trying to hide his anger for what Arthur did, “I told you I had two knights nearby. Didn’t I mention they’d come back?” He blew the man backwards with a spell and lit the ground separating them on fire. “ _Leave_.” His voice boomed and the man scrambled up onto his feet running off into the trees.

“Merlin, are you—”

Merlin slapped his hand onto Arthur’s chest, lift the spell and shouted, “Are you an idiot, Arthur Pendragon?” Arthur blinked in confusion. “I had this handled! Now you’ve gone and blown your cover! The man is going to go to the next village and tell them a sorcerer looking just like me had an invisible knight protecting him—do you think there are a bunch of those going around? No!”

Arthur shook his head, “I was trying to protect you.”

“You’ve done a shit job!” Merlin shouted even louder, “Do you have any idea what we’re doing here, Arthur?! Gwaine and Percival haven’t any idea why we’re even _going_ to Caerleon but they agreed because they want to make sure you’re safe! Every two seconds I’ve got Gwaine breathing down my neck asking if it’s going to be safe for you there. And I have to keep telling him, yes, it will be safe because _I_ will be there.” Merlin wanted to pull out his hair. “They’re risking their lives and their jobs to make sure you get there to talk to Morgana—and you’re trying to get yourself killed!”

“If you miscast your spell, he would’ve hurt you—”

“ _Let me protect you for once_!” Merlin shouted so loud his throat felt raw. His blood was pounding in his veins and his magic buzzed inside of him, begging for release. He couldn’t stop himself from saying more, “You’re always making sure I’m protected and I’m tired of you acting like you don’t need to be! Why do you think I came back to Camelot?” Arthur shrugged uselessly. “I came back to protect you. I knew that something terrible was going to happen, and you were going to be hurt. I lied to everyone, even to myself, because I said I was coming back for Camelot and that I didn’t want anything to do with you—not anymore. But then I saw you, a-and I saw how worried and how desperate you were. A-And then we had that night, in my chambers, and I realised how stupid I was because even after being banished by you, all I wanted to do was be with you.”

“Merlin…”

“But I can’t fall back into this,” Merlin told him, motioning between them, “not when there’s so much on the line.”

Arthur took a step towards him, “The fate of the world does not depend on this.”

“It does.” Merlin said but his voice faltered, Arthur was growing dangerously close to him. “The world is dangerous right now, and it will only get worse. People will die—” Arthur reached up and placed his hands on Merlin’s shoulders, “—w-what are you doing?”

“The world has always been dangerous, there is no way around that. The only thing we can do is to be there for each other because we both know what it’s like to not have that. A-And I don’t want to lose you. Not again.” Arthur became increasingly closer with each second that passed, he grew so close Merlin could feel Arthur’s breath against his lips, it reminded him of his desire to kiss Arthur the night before. And gosh, had he wanted to. He rested his hands over Arthur’s hips, hoping the action would help him understand that this was real—that he and Arthur had found themselves in this situation and that it was most definitely a bad idea. But Arthur’s body was radiating heat through the tunic he wore and Merlin found himself wanting to pull the heat against him. “Do you want this?” Arthur asked him, his lips almost brushing against Merlin’s. “Because I can’t keep pretending that I don’t.” 

Merlin flexed his fingers slightly, “I-I—” his voice broke. He did want this, more than anything in the world. He finally had Arthur in his arms again and he didn’t want to let go although every part of him was telling him to. “I want this,” Merlin let out a shaky breath, “I want you, but I _need_ you to wait.” Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin’s and let him continue on, “Just for a while. Please.” They had to wait until Arthur knew why he was having his nightmares and until Merlin knew it was safe for him. They could not jump into this and then be torn apart by Agravaine or someone else. He wouldn’t do that to Arthur and he wouldn’t do that to himself. There was also the matter regarding his feelings towards _that_ night.

Arthur sighed, oblivious to Merlin’s ramble of thoughts, “I’d wait an eternity for you.”

Merlin had never wanted to kiss Arthur more than in that moment. He didn’t, of course, because like everything else: it wasn’t the right time. Instead, Merlin pulled Arthur closer and Arthur looped his arms around Merlin’s neck, resting his head on Merlin’s shoulder. It was intimate, even more so than a kiss. Merlin could feel the vulnerability dripping off of Arthur. He wanted to reassure Arthur that he wasn’t rejecting him, that this would happen but not now. And a kiss, would say too much, but this embrace said just enough. He thought back to Arthur grabbing his wrist before he cast the spell the first time, how Merlin felt the overwhelming message of _I’m here_. He wanted to do that for Arthur so he could know that Merlin was there for him, even if they weren’t together.

They’d have to break apart sooner or later, once Gwaine and Percival returned from wherever they’d gone. It’d been so long since they heard from them and for a moment he feared that man—the bandit—had done something.

A few minutes later, while Merlin and Arthur still stood near the horses together, Merlin heard Gwaine and Percival’s approaching footsteps and the murmuring of Gwaine’s voice. Merlin started to pull away from Arthur, he asked softly so that Gwaine and Percival couldn’t hear (though they were still quite a distance away), “Are you okay?”

Arthur swallowed and moved away from him, “I’m okay.” And then, the fragility from Arthur’s face vanished and instead the mask he wore around the others went up, “Where did you two go?” Arthur called out to the pair of knights, Merlin could still hear the wavering of his voice—Arthur could fool the others, but he’d never be able to fool Merlin.

“There was a man,” Percival said as they stepped towards them, “a bandit, I believe. We caught him running from where you two were, he said he’d seen nothing and it didn’t seem like he’d stolen anything.”

“We know.” Merlin folded his arms across his chest, “He was here.”

Gwaine raised an eyebrow, “Why didn’t you say something?”

“We were quite loud.” Merlin said, though when they were loud it was when they were yelling at each other, not at the man. “He didn’t see Arthur, I made sure of it. I cast the spell before the man could have seen him…” Merlin cleared his throat, “The man knows someone was with me though, someone he couldn’t see. The man tried to strike me and Arthur stopped him.” Merlin swore he saw Gwaine smirk at that, it threw him off. “H-He ran off, after that, towards you two I guess.”  

“We should leave now.” Arthur said, “Merlin mentioned that the man could be heading to the nearest village to tell him about the sorcerer he met and the invisible man.”

Gwaine nodded, “It won’t be hard to figure out who he is talking about if he is speaking to the right person.”

They finished packing up the things Merlin and Arthur hadn’t done, and they were on their way. Arthur had put the cloak back on, and though Merlin had suggested it, he did not recast the spell. If they were approached by someone else, they deemed it safer to have Arthur visible. Gwaine said, “They’ll be looking for three men and an invisible one, not four men they can see.”

Arthur rode on Percival’s horse again, and they led the journey out of the forest. Gwaine was at the back once more and Merlin rode in the middle. In only a few hours, he’d be in Caerleon. He’d missed it dearly. Being in Camelot had reminded him of his past, but Caerleon was his present. He was eager to show Arthur, Gwaine and Percival the life he’d made for himself. He wanted them to meet his friends. He wanted them to see the way he and Morgana ran things, and that he was no longer a manservant—that he ran a community and he ran it well.

The hours went on and on, they never stopped once. Merlin could sense it from the other three men that they wanted to get to Caerleon as soon as they could. The encounter with the bandit had spooked them all, even if they tried not to show it. Merlin was quite shaken, too. They’d been careless despite their efforts. Getting to Caerleon would be a blessing.

“What’s Caerleon Castle like?” Gwaine asked as they passed the border into the kingdom, “I’ve never asked.”

“It’s beautiful.” Merlin said, “When we found it, it was run down and in poor condition… Now, we’ve tended to it and made it our own. We’ve gardens around it and a farm not too far away; we’ve even a kitchen staff. All of who volunteered to do the job. Most of them worked in castles and houses before now, but when they were discovered they had to leave. Some on good terms, others not so much. They like what they do and want to continue to do it.”

“I never imagined a sorcerer being a cook.” Gwaine said, “I always assumed they all just go about and be sorcerers.”

“I was a manservant for most of my life,” Merlin reminded him, “we all have to live somehow.”

“You’d never go back to being a manservant though,” Gwaine chuckled.

“I don’t have to.” Merlin shrugged, “I have other things I can do, it’s harder for them.”

“Do you pay them?”

“Not exactly.” Merlin said, “They all have a roof over their head and food to eat, most of them consider that payment enough after what they’ve been through.”

“What about the others?”

“We gave them power.” Merlin said. He and Morgana were the unofficial leaders of the castle, and there were others that looked after things while they were gone. While Merlin was in Camelot and Morgana in the east, a Druid man named Ruadan was in charge. If any decisions had to be made, while Merlin and Morgana were both absent, Ruadan would be the one to make them. There were a few others like him, most of them had never had their chance to be the leader. At least one of them were at the camps they had near Camelot’s border—they wouldn’t pass the camps on their way into the kingdom, they were too far north.

“How long until we reach the castle?” Arthur craned his neck around to look at Merlin and Gwaine.

“Not too long,” Merlin said looking around their surroundings. Caerleon was both very dense and very open. The borders near Camelot were covered in thick woods, and as one ventured further into the kingdom it became clearer. Caerleon Castle, _his_ castle, was in the dense forest. The city and the castle, home to the king and queen, were in the open plains. If Merlin was right, and he was more than likely, they were only half an hour now from the castle. The trees were becoming denser and they weren’t able to ride as fast as they had been in Camelot.

They were close enough that Merlin called out to Morgana, “ _Morgana?_ ”

There was a long pause before he heard her voice, “ _I am relieved to hear from you, Merlin. I was growing anxious waiting for you_.”  

“ _We’re all fine, and we’ll be at the castle soon_.” Merlin replied, “ _How are things there_?”

“ _Things are fine. I’ve told everyone of the attack, and we’ve been making preparations. They all know to say nothing to Arthur or whoever else may be with you. They will keep it a secret and keep their work a secret. To Arthur, they are all doing what they always do. He will know no difference_.” Morgana told him, “ _I have had two rooms prepared for our guests._ ”

“ _Two? Percival is with us, too_.” He told her.

“ _We do not run an inn, Merlin. Gwaine and Percival will have to share. I have been generous and given Arthur his own room_.” Morgana seemed stressed. “ _I won’t be there when you get here, I have decided it would be better for me to greet Arthur in private,_ ” Morgana paused, “ _to make it easier on both of us_.” Morgana had made her peace with her past and her hatred for Uther and Arthur, despite that, Merlin knew it would be hard for her to see her brother. “ _I have things to do before you arrive. I will see you soon_.” She said and that was it, Merlin never replied back because there was no use. She wasn’t going to answer.

Gwaine chattered on for the rest of the journey. He filled in the silence made by the others like it was his duty. During one of his tales about a woman who’d bewitched a group of knights to love her, Percival spoke up, “Merlin?”

“Yeah?” Merlin spurred his horse and rode alongside the dark brown stallion.

“Is that it?” Percival pointed ahead of him.

“Y-Yeah, that’s it.” Merlin felt all air leave his lungs as he looked on at the castle before them. Caerleon Castle.

 _Home_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, I know the ending is super cliche but I couldn't find my way around it. But now they're all in Caerleon, and Arthur can finally speak to Morgana about his nightmares--and perhaps his magic? The chapter is really heavy with new characters and background stories for them all, but it's all necessary. I wouldn't want to give anything but there is (and has been) a lot of foreshadowing leading up to the next couple chapters. It's rather exciting. I promise I won't make you wait this long for a chapter ever again. If you ever want to get a hold of me to see when I will update or anything like this, you can reach me at my Tumblr: a-colourful-stranger. Or you can message me here on AO3. Please let me know what you thought :)


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